The World According to Glinda
By Glinda
Anyone that knows me knows that Glinda does not do camping. Not that I have anything against people that do. I am sure there are some very enjoyable things about it. I just never really intend to find out.
Of course, as luck would have it, I had a son. A son, it turns out, who thinks camping is the Best. Thing. Ever. Granted he’s only done it once so far, but he is simply enamored of the entire concept. From sleeping in a tent, to the campfire, to peeing on a tree, he’s all over it.
The idea of camping just makes me shudder. The bugs! The lack of showering facilities! The non-bed aspect! I just can’t wrap my mind around why someone would want to actually do that and yet call it a vacation.
Luckily for the Munchkin, his father has camped many times (before we started dating, anyway) and thinks it is a nice family bonding time. Unfortunately, he thinks that family bonding time should include me as well. Not a month goes by that he tries to guilt trip me into going with them, labeling me a bad mommy who won’t share in her son’s interests.
Listen, Glinda likes nature. She has absolutely nothing against nature at all. She just prefers to experience it from a balcony while sipping her tea, wrapped up in a comfy robe.
Is that so wrong?
June 17th, 2008 at 9:32 am
After the fourth punitive expedition together, Mr. Henry informed his outdoorsy wife that he would either continue to go camping or continue to stay married. She refused to accept such an ultimatum and ever since has been conspiring against him, employing subtle strategies like “What kind of a father are you?”
Be strong, Glinda. Stay inside. Claim allergies. Cite examples of hapless campers mauled by grizzly bears. Get pre-emptive blisters. Have an attack of the vapors. Do whatever it takes.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I am right there with you, Glinda! I attempted to “camp out” with the family (in our backyard) once, but I was back inside before 10pm. 🙂
June 17th, 2008 at 10:15 am
You know, women are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to real backwoods camping. Men (and boys) can pee standing up and keep relatively clean. Women can’t. Sorry for being gross, but there it is.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Both mr gamma and I are non-campers; however, from time to time each of us individually has been maneuvered into camping, either in a father-son situation, or (for myself) an adult leader at a girls camp, requiring me to camp for days at a time. OK, and once on a beach in Mexico.
There are certain accessories that make the experience endurable, should you one day be outflanked:
1. An airbed beneath your sleeping bag. Do not let them convince you that an air mattress is just as good. We’re talking about the kind of thing you can put sheets on, instead of a sleeping bag.
2. A lamp for inside the tent that could pass for a table lamp. So you don’t have to change with a flashlight in your teeth. And so you can extend the pretense that you’re actually sleeping in a really bad hotel room.
3. Near access to bathroom facilities, including a shower.
Do not concede this last point, ever. You have not suffered on a vacation until you have been the camp-toilet wrangler for three preteen girls.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I’m with you Glinda. The Gemdiva does not camp. In fact, the Gemdiva does not vacation anywhere that does not have an outlet for my dryer & curling iron, both hot AND cold running water and 24 hour room service. Stick to your guns and tell your hubby that camping is excellent MALE bonding time and it’s great that he gets to spend this quality time alone with the munchkin. Once they’re gone, treat yourself to a Spa weekend.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
If one must camp, do it in style. Get an Airstream. It has a toilet, shower, satellite
dish, cable, hot and cold running water, microwave, etc…
I cannot sleep on the ground. The ground has bugs, scorpions, snakes, and dirt. If you are guilted into going, make sure you wake everyone up screaming at least 5 to 6 times. I guarantee you will not be forced into living the primitive cave person experience again.
My friend did this but still goes with the family on the camping trips. They camp, she stays at a nearby hotel.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I echo the gamma’s sentiments. Camping is not normally my cup of tea, but it has been made much more tolerable with certain amenities:
1. A large tent. If there are three of you, get one for at least 6 people. You will have more headroom, as well as more room for your gear.
2. A good airbed, the thicker the better (some are as thick as a standard mattress now!), along with a battery-operated air pump. Most anything can be tolerated if one has had a decent night’s sleep. Have a twin-sized one for each of you. If you buy a double or queen sized and share with your husband, then when he gets up in the middle of the night, your end of the mattress will drop, and vice versa. Having your own air mattress keeps you from being disturbed. Bring your own pillow from home as well. Camping pillows are useless.
3. A nice campground with shower facilities. Insist upon them. La Petite Acadienne does NOT do outhouses. Proper toilets and showers are a must.
4. The strongest bug repellent you can find.
5. A cute hat
6. If you are camping for more than 3 days, spend the last night before you go home in a hotel, or at the very least, at a rented cottage or cabin.
6. Tequila. Lots of it.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Yes, it IS so wrong! I love camping and backpacking even more. I love the idea of going out in the world and living for a few days with what you’ve got on your back and in your head. My parents never took me camping as a kid, but I went with other families. Fortunately, I married a dude who loves it even more than I do, and who has proven his wits and resourcefullness and manliness out in the sticky situations nature throws at you. I love eating granola and several-days-old parm cheese and nuts and then coming home to gorge on pizza and cold beer with a nice hot shower. Love. It. Whether my kids like it or not, they’re going. You tell the Munchkin he can come with us; we’ve got a big tent.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I confess I do enjoy camping. Like gamma says it must be done right, but I think there’s nothing so amazing as waking up on your airbed, covered in snuggly blankets, and smelling the really fresh air you can only get out out camping. It takes me a day or two to get used to the grungy feeling that comes with it, but the boiling shower when you get home is so worth it!
Now, don’t freak out, but we actually went camping for our honeymoon! We drove along the west coast and camped on beaches (on campgrounds with showers and a very large tent). Of course, after four days of this we gave in and spent two nights in a four star hotel, and went to Disneyland, but I did enjoy the camping part too and fully intend to take my little man camping as often as possible!
All this being said, if you don’t enjoy camping. DON’T GO!!!! You’re not less of a person for liking a mint on your pillow! I too have my moods where nothing will do but a day at the spa and room-service. You have the right to do what you enjoy too. Don’t let anyone tell you different!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I with you on the balcony, sipping tea … ick, camping. The word just SOUNDS unpleasant.
June 17th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
My gosh, I didn’t know you were related to Woody Allen.
As a Canuckistani who has camped out in Ontario winters, I have to say I love it but if you don’t, you shouldn’t go. Because then you get to be the albatross for everyone else, and that’s no fun for anyone.
Mind you: campsite $15 per night. Hotel…well, what kind of hotel room can you get for $15 per night?
June 17th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Raincoaster’s got it right–it’s not really fun camping with someone who doesn’t enjoy it. That’s why I offered to take the Munchkin for you. 🙂
June 18th, 2008 at 3:35 am
When my husband and I have children, probably many of our vacations will involve camping simply because it is affordable. I don’t like to be dirty, I sunburn easily, and I am allergic to mosquitoes, but somehow I usually manage to get some fun out of the camping trips I’ve been on.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:40 am
We used to go camping growing up. Our camping included a pop up trailer, a/c, beds, microwave, tv, etc.
I clearly remember one time when the mosquitoes were so bad, that my dad packed us up and took us to a motel!
Now? My idea of “camping” would be no where near as ‘rough’ as that.
I’m with ya….
June 18th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
dgm and I are outnumbered here. Strange.
I have literally had the best trips of my life camping. One of my favorite memories is the time I took myself out camping on Long Beach near Ucluelet for two straight weeks. Got off the Greyhound, walked two miles down the road to the campsite, put up the tent, and didn’t speak to anyone but the feral cats, raccoons, and orcas for two weeks. It was fantastic.
BTW: please do not take your cats camping. They do not home in on the camper, they WILL get out and not come back when it’s time to leave, and one only has to see the generations of cats abandoned and breeding in campsites to realize what an injustice that is to something that was once a pet.
June 18th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Good mention about the cats, raincoaster. We used to live near a campsite, and every summer, someone would lose their cat. We think that’s how we wound up with our kitten — he found our doorstep in October and was half-starved. Their loss was our gain, though. That cat was the sweetest, purriest, cuddliest cat who ever lived.
And I do enjoy camping now with my husband — he’s also big on staying comfortable while “roughing it”.
June 21st, 2008 at 3:01 am
I think I’ve said before on this site how much my family and I love our 25 foot Airstream. It is so comfortable and definitely the coolest toy we own. That’s my kind of camping, though I was raised with granola-eating tent campers and loved every minute of it as a child.
Our Airstream was the best (very large) chunk of money we have ever spent. We go to the beach most often and a lot of the best beach campgrounds don’t even allow tent camping because there are no bathrooms. The best thing about it is that it is truly self-contained, meaning we can go anywhere, park and be in total comfort in our own little house.
It also doubles as a guest house for visiting family and friends. Say what you will about the cost of an Airstream, but they are cheaper than getting a bigger house (plus, they’re mobile).