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Friday Caption Contest Results: Upskirt Orangutan Edition

Monday, July 7th, 2008
By raincoaster

Our subject matter:

Upskirt Orang

Our winner:

Jennie Says:

OMG! Tulle! TULLE! with blue leggings and Wellies!
I specified starched muslin! And what is this zig zag stuff?!?
I drew loops! I know I drew loops!
By Tarzan’s leather undies! No one listens to genuis any more!

Congratulations and virtual fabulousness to Jennie for her heart-rending portrait of creative genius, blocked.

And here is some fabulousness that just works, for the virtual award ceremony: the Giuseppe Zanotti Baby Nero in metallic leather. Much better than Wellies!

Giuseppe Zanotti Baby Nero

Attention Bloggers:
Click here to enter our Stylin’ Stila giveaway #2!


Louboutin Warning!

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
By raincoaster

It’s all Gwyneth’s fault. Well, Gwynnie and anyone else outside of the sex trade who popularizes heels four inches high. Take a look at fashion victim Mel B (Gimpy Spice) and see what a poor working Mom is reduced to:

Mel B and her daughter

Ah, servants. If you can afford Louboutins, you can afford the traditional “paid companion” of ambiguous gender preference. Just don’t eat or drink anything she brings you, if I remember my Miss Marple correctly.

In future, may I suggest something a little more practical, something that looks less like you’re going to Edith Prickley’s pole-dancing lessons at The Home and more like you’re a sexy momma who also has a, you know, life?

Something like this, the Diego di Lucca Women’s Elite Boot:

Diego di Lucca Women's Elite Boot


Friday Caption Contest Results: Blueberry Boy Edition

Monday, June 16th, 2008
By raincoaster

It’s time to announce the winner of our Friday Caption Contest for last week. It was a small, tight field, but we’ve made the hard choice and picked a winner:

Blueberry Boy

Jennie Says:

Barney won’t bother US anymore!!! Ahhhahahahahaaaaa!

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Jennie for another win! We’ve picked out the pretty in patent Bally Blueberry for her hypothetical trophy.

Blueberry


They Grow Up So Fast

Thursday, June 12th, 2008
By raincoaster

I’m relatively sure we’ve already used that headline (and will again, no doubt) but what else can you call a blog post about stripper heels for babies?

Yes, she said Stripper Heels For Babies.

Heelarious? Not so much, akshuly

heežlaržižous [he-lair-ee-uhs] - noun:
extremely funny, completely soft, fully functional
high heel crib shoes for babies.

Not intended for walking (heel will collapse with weight).

Not intended to harm children in any way.

WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).

You know what? No, it’s not. Not normal, unless your last name is Spears, and if this doesn’t physically hurt your child, imagine the tsunamis of psychological damage these babies can cause, if not now then in junior high when Stan’s basketball team get ahold of his baby book.

Just. No. What is this? “Baby needs a new pair of CFMP’s?

via Dlisted and Crunk&Disorderly


Ain’t No Hollaback Shoes

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
By Glinda

And really, I can use that as my title because nobody really knows what the heck hollaback really means, so why not apply the term to shoes?

I was pleasantly suprised when I looked into the Gwen Stefani-designed clothing line Harajuku Lovers.  It was cute and age appropriate.  Not bad for a celebrity with no real prior designing experience.  When I heard she was also coming out with a line of shoes, I was excited.  I thought they were going to be good.

Ah, expectations. Why must you always dashed?
Photobucket
Bo-ring.
Photobucket
Double bo-ring.
Photobucket
And even worse,  bo-ring, ugly, and overpriced at the same time. I’m sure it takes some sort of talent to design something so multifaceted, right? Nobody said they had to be good facets or anything.

If your kid wants skate shoes, do yourself a favor and go buy some Vans instead. They’re better looking and a heck of a lot cheaper. 


Friday Caption Contest Results: Anderson and Elmo edition

Monday, June 2nd, 2008
By raincoaster

Such dedication! Such self-sacrifice! From the first moment the world first noticed this dapper gent, desperately clinging to a palm tree as Nature herself tried to wipe him off the face of the planet, the world has been in love with Anderson Cooper’s quiet charm and understated courage.

But now, he faces the most frightening fate yet, right there in the Friday Caption Contest. And it’s time to announce who nailed it (I hope they nailed it down well; jealous meteorological forces are massing!).

Andy and Elmo, yo

Jennie Says:

We agreed that since California had finally legalized same sex unions, that we would come out and defend our right to muppet marriges. I love him so….

Shocking, yet true. At least his mother is not alive to witness him marrying so far below his station; Elmo’s reputation rivals that of Britney Spears at this point, and we can only hope that since Coop has made an honest muppet of him that his personal life will turn a corner.

But we have not much hope, it must be admitted. KFed on line one…

Enough! It is time to award the coveted hypothetical trophy of the virtual riches to the honorary winner, and here it is, something superfantasatic and sexy enough to keep the spirit of YSL alive and gladden the hearts of all in these dark days…

I always thought he’d save himself for me, you know. But enough of that…to the prize (and then to the merlot)!

YSL boot


The Cool Kids’s Kicks

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
By raincoaster

Forgive me, sisters, for I have sinned.

I have a confession to make: Although I work for the world’s foremost shoeblogger, I cannot, myself, be said to be much of a shoe fetishist. Of the many tiresome characteristics displayed by those four airheaded meat puppets on Sex and the City, the extravagantly overdone shoe worship was perhaps the most tiresome of all as far as I was concerned (and that is a crowded field, my friends). Art is art, even when you wear it on your feet, but please! Even Picasso knew when to lay off. The only thing more boring than competitive, fad-driven shoe fetishism is handbag fetishism, and thankfully that appears to have become so expensive as to now be nothing but a self-referential joke between Prada, Louis Vuitton, Hermes, and Balenciaga. And if so, more power to them: Kimora Lee Simmons doesn’t need all that money anyway.

In any case, I have to say that when it comes to shoes worthy of worship, the kids have it all over the adults. First of all, you can generally walk in shoes designed for kids. Secondly, the styles can be more creative, because they don’t have to be so reactive to market forces (is it a four inch stiletto this year or a two inch kitten heel?). I mean, take a look at some of these fabulous sneaks and tell me those aren’t just intrinsically wicked cool.

The Diadora Victor Junior

The Diadora Kids
Victor Plus Jr MD

Light as a pair of winged sandals, eye-catching, vegetarian-safe (although what kind of sauce you’d serve them with I have no idea) and best of all, $34. Some more snazzy soccer shoes:

Adidas kid's F30.8 TRX FG J

adidas Kids
F30.8 TRX FG J

Although saddled with a name that belongs more to a fighter jet than a pair of shoes, these are still the kind of futuristic style that we had back when we thought the future was going to be really cool. Remember that? Also: $61, or half the price of a similar pair of adult shoes.

And lastly, these, for which I salivate and which have the added example of being unmissable on the field. When my sister and I went swimming, my mother would adorn us with the loudest, ugliest bathing caps she could find (think rhinestone-studded floral monstrosities in puce and mustard). These are a more aesthetically pleasing iteration of the same principle:

Puma Kids v5.08 FG Jr

Puma Kids
v5.08 I FG Jr


Friday Caption Contest Results: Baby Suit Edition

Monday, April 21st, 2008
By raincoaster

Some of you persevered and managed to post, technical difficulties notwithstanding, and we appreciate that. While the Manoloelves tinker behind the scenes and restore our blog to readability, life as we know it goes on, and that includes announcing the winners of our Friday Caption Contest.

Baby Suit

bobbie-sue Says:

The president finally had to admit it: we have a problem with overpopulation.

Congratulations and imaginary shoes to bobbie-sue! We’re a soft touch for a social issue around these parts. And which imaginary shoes will we hypothetically present? These: the slightly insane, yet superfantastic Veronica from Vince Camuto:

Veronica by Vince Camuto


Friday Caption Contest Results: Superhero Edition

Monday, April 14th, 2008
By raincoaster

It is time to crown our champion (”tiara” our champion? I was always partial to WonderWoman) for last week’s Friday Caption Contest. It was a heated bout which brought out the best in our contestants, as you can see from the entries.

But there can be only one.

Beach Capes or superhero costumes? I mean, who wears a beach cape?

gamma Says:

An unexpected complication developed when
the Justice League discovered the Fountain of Youth.

Congratulations and blue Kryptonite to gamma, to whom we hypothetically present the honorary imaginary supershoes, the astro-fabulously creative Winnie mystery wedge boots:

Winnie is a winner

 


Friday Caption Contest Results: Banana Servitude Editon

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
By raincoaster

I take the blame for one of our least lively rounds. Alas, bananas appear to be devoid of talent as a muse and nobody appears to have seen that Twilight Zone episode.  That said, we do have a winner in our most challenging challenge ever, and it is time to announce her:

Bananas, unspeakable

gemdiva Says:

In what can only be described as a ghastly lapse in judgement the chef for the state dinner honoring the King of the Bananna people mistook the protocol book for a cookbook, effectively severing all diplomatic ties with Bananna Land before they had begun.

Congratulations and whipped topping to gemdiva, who walks away with the trophy once again. Cheeta, what do we have for our winner today? What else could we chose but the Glory leopard thong from Donald J Pliner?

Glory thong







Disclaimer: Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Manolo Blahnik
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