Teeny Manolo

Truly hath it been said that the days between Christmas and New Year’s are the sweetest of the calendar, and for one reason only: presents!

You get to play with the kids’s presents.

Or is that just me? No. No, loyal reader, it is not. And how do I know this? I know this because our faithful friends across the Pond have informed me that Hunky Prince William is having the very devil of a time getting his WII out of the hands of his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Or, as we may now call her, the QuWIIn.

From People.co.uk:

William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton bought him the £200 gift for Christmas - but he now has to share it with his grandma.

A Palace source told The People: “When she saw William playing a game after lunch at Sandringham she thought the Nintendo looked tremendous fun and begged to join in.

“She played a simple ten-pin bowling game and by all accounts was a natural.

“It was hilarious. William was in fits of laughter. He was enormously impressed at having such a cool gran.

Indeed, she’s not the only one who’d like to get her hands on William’s WII.

Time spent decorating: 4 hours

Time spent reading books about Christmas: 3 hours

Time spent buying gifts: 5 hours

Time spent wrapping gifts: 2 hours

Time spent telling excited child that no, Christmas wasn’t here yet: 10 hours

Time spent baking: 6 hours

Time it took for excited child to open gifts on Christmas morning: 9 minutes, 42 seconds

Will I do it all over again next year?

You bet. 

You will recall our tentaclacious Santa Claus, the malign Cthulhu in disguise, picking up some pocket change working a few shifts at the mall. Now it’s time to announce the winner of our caption contest:

Twistie Says:
December 21st, 2007 at 10:28 pm

All I want for Christmas is not to be eaten or driven to madness by Santa. And a red bike.

and now, the virtual presentation of the hypothetical shoes for the imaginary award ceremony.

and yes, I am deeply in love with Giuseppe Zanotti and his beautiful shoes.

more at twiigs.com…

We wish our fabulous readers a wonderful, happy, and safe Christmas!

If you’re still shopping at this late date, you’ll need attitude at the mall. Truly, I shall never get back nor forget the two and one-half hours I wasted looking for parking at the mall 9pm on Christmas Eve…thank god now I live downtown.

To all frustrated, last-minute shoppers, here is your patron saint, and here is your anthem:

And here’s your Unicorn Chaser, the startlingly gifted and very likeable countertenor Nick Pitera singing O Holy Night. And yes, that is him.

I think he earns the “The Cuteness Abounds” tag, don’t you?

Didja ever wonder what it would be like to sit in Santa’s big chair and face hundreds of strange, possibly dangerous children daily, maintaining enough of a facade of geniality that the parents are still moderately happy to pay for the privilege of getting their kiddies’ picture taken with Santa? To be peed upon over and over again, to hear “I wanna iPod” over and over till one could strangle Steve Jobs with one’s gloved hands, to hold writhing, shrieking masses of life-force in your arms for adrenaline-pumping minutes at a time, lest they destroy expensive animatronic reindeer in the desperation of their heedless flight?

Wonder no more.

Colin Stevens, 44, film-maker
Hamleys, Regent Street, London

I am an alumnus of the Ministry of Fun Santa School in London. I can say ‘Happy Christmas’ in 12 languages. The first time I played Father Christmas, I thought, ‘So it’s come to this’ because I used to be a serious actor.

Wasn’t there a movie about this story? Or at least a Eugene O’Neill play?

Fred Holmes, 47, caretaker, Meadowcroft primary school
Painshill Park, Cobham, Surrey

I have been asked for a boiled egg, a Diet Coke, world peace and a live dinosaur… One girl told me all she wanted was to see her brother in pain. Sometimes you get lecherous mothers. A young mum once sat on my lap and asked if I would empty my sack on her bed. I think she’d been drinking. We once had a drunk elf who gave out the wrong presents, then fell into the lake.

Super bonus story: The Grinch is real, nabbed, and Bosnian.

Okay, this is raincoaster in charge of the Listmania today, not Glinda, so we know that the tastelessness factor is amped, relatively speaking. Just so you’re braced for some of the below, a roundup of some online Christmas games dug out from behind piles of old mittens and boots in the backs of dark closets all over the blogosphere.

And if you notice the prevalence of a certain source for some of these coolest of cool games, well, did you ever watch a Christmas special and wonder what happened to some of the characters afterwards?

Yes, the Grinch’s humble dog Max took the Whoville Express right to the top of the Office Supplies heap, garnering him a fortune of which his erstwhile master could only dream. Now, he spends his days dreaming up new ways to bring Christmas to every little girl and boy on the internet, even the grown-up ones.

Elf Bowling #1 through #7 (Nstorm)

Christmas Jesus Dress Up! Like paper dolls, only more heretical! (NormalBobSmith)

Shoot the lame Christmas junk! And you’ll really feel like shooting something with this music in the background! (Resn)

Alert Britney: North Pole Dancing (OfficeMax) Don’t you stick to it at those temperatures?

Reindeer arm wrestling (OfficeMax) Blitzen here has some serious ‘tude.

Shake the SnowGlobe and hear them scream! (OfficeMax)

Elf Yourself (OfficeMax)

Scrooge Yourself (OfficeMax)

Forget the cheerleader! Save the Snowman! (OfficeMax)

Snowball fight. A bit primitive, but classic (Zeeks)

Build a snowman (ChristmasGamesOnline)

Evil Santa generator (ScottsMind)

Christmas Tree Generator (Pyzam)

Christmas Disaster Generator (SecretTechnology)

Make a Flake (Snowflake)

Quiz: what movie is your Christmas most like? (Blogthings)

And, of course, the immortal: Subservient Santa (SimonsezSanta). Comes in kid-friendly or Naughty and Nice versions.

Today is a day for sitting on the fence.

I don’t know if it is because being sick for over a week has worn me down, or if there has just been too much to do and not enough time to do it.

But today, I am going to have an absolute non-opinion. 

About Christmas sweaters for kids.

In their favor, they usually have bright colors and I am always a sucker for a sweater.  Probably because I live where you can comfortably wear a sweater for about one month out of the year.  I’m sure if we could wear them all the time, their charms would be minimized.

Not in their favor are gaudy designs and just the fact that I am not an overly “cutesie” type of person, even when it comes to children’s clothing.  Even when the Munchkin was very young, I resisted putting him in items with dogs and trucks all over them.  I’m just ornery like that.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not in favor of adults wearing Christmas sweaters.  Maybe if you are over 60 I will cut you a bit of slack.  You know, if it was a gift from your grandkids or something. But really, seeing someone dressed in one does not in any way, shape, or form put me in the holiday spirit.  In fact, despite their general ugliness, they tend to be rather expensive.  Unless you go the way of the Christmas sweatshirt, and then all kinds fugly can be unleashed thanks to the miracle of silkscreening.

So, this year will not find the Munchkin in a sweater with Santa or reindeers or snowmen.  But, if I see a three year old in one, I will probably smile and think she is cute.

Nope, I’ve got some pre-shrunk Italian wool sweaters, and those sound perfect to me. 

For those of you who have no idea what we were on about yesterday, here is the Anaheim Ballet’s video of the highlights of the Nutcracker in just under ten minutes. See, I told you there were rats and soldiers and all kinds of macho things, as well as kids, sugarplum fairies, and dancing snowflakes. But how many ballets have rat battles and beheadings, eh? tell me that!

And more to wear to the splendid occasion:

I know, I know, it’s the most expensive thing your kid will ever hate to wear, but just gaze upon that sweet, preppy child and try to tell me you don’t want to give him a hug.
And for the young ladies (updated, as we seem to have few fans of sewing):