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Rachel Zoe, Pregnancy Noob

I have never watched her “reality” show, but I do know that she is a professional stylist (despite some questionable personal ensembles I’ve seen her in) to some big-name stars.

And now I know that I want her to go away.

You see, Rachel Zoe is pregnant, and whoopee for her. I mean that, truly, good for her.

However, her recent suggestions on how to dress to “pregnant per-fect-ion” are obviously from someone who has yet to experience their third trimester.

Responding to a reader-submitted question for style ideas while pregnant, Zoe replies:

As opposed to former generations, we are fortunate to live in a fashion-forward age that accommodates to style for every body, size and situation—pregnancy included. For example, both 1. 7 For All Mankind and 2. J Brand make maternity jeans (praise the denim gods!), which are a flawless starting point for a prego-chic look.

Other free form bottoms that are perfect for pregnancy are 3. leggings and 4. maxi skirts or full length dresses. Take your pick of the three styles and then you’re ready to tackle the waist up! For tops, I recommend 5. long tunics, 6. flowy blouses and 7. ponchos to flatter your mom-to-be figure.

Shifting focus to footwear—my fave!—you can stay stylish yet at ease in a pair of 8. wedges or 9. flats. Create any combination from each category—bottoms, tops and shoes—and you will be pregnant per-fec-tion! xoRZ

P.S. One last thing! Don’t forget to complete your modern maternity look by accessorizing with a big tote bag and a pair of do-not-disturb oversized sunnies to hide fatigue!

A poncho? Did I read that correctly? Has Ms. Zoe not read the Manolo’s “No Poncho Pledge?”  Not only does she recommend a friggin’ poncho, it just so happens to be a four hundred dollar poncho!  So you too can pay a fortune to look like a large, misshapen lump!  I mean, even more than you already do!

And the wedges she wants you to wear? Five inches on those suckers, at a cost of two hundred dollars.  So that everyone can admire your great taste in shoes as you fall on your ass and land with your feet in the air due to your center of gravity being completely off.

Then she wants us to wear sunglasses to “hide fatigue.” What? Does she not know that pregnant women should wear their fatigue proudly?  That the very fatigue she wants to so desperately hide is exactly what compels your guilty-feeling husband to give you back and foot massages every day?  Don’t hide the fatigue ladies, flaunt it!

The rest of her advice is very generic, and I can’t believe she gets paid to tell pregnant women they should wear tunics, flowy blouses, and maxi-dresses.  Like this is some sort of earth-shattering new fashion advice.

And listen, anyone who calls sunglasses “sunnies” is someone with whom I will never be friends.

Monday Teeny Poll

A whopping 76% of you disapproved of this mother’s choice to include her daughters in her homebirth, despite their wishes otherwise. I agree with you. In her story she says she didn’t “have the time” to make alternate plans for her daughters when her labor began. That is a poor excuse, as it was obvious they didn’t want to be involved, and I’m going to say that 99.9% of mothers make alternate plans for siblings, even for a planned homebirth. Everything going perfectly is not always a guarantee, and there should always be a backup route in case something goes wrong. And if there are mothers who don’t at least have a plan B, then shame on you. Maybe you should get your parenting license revoked.

Today, I’m taking a fashion tack, as Heidi Klum has introduced a new activewear line for New Balance, with a few of the designs coming from Andy, a Project Runway contestant.  Nothing like free designs, eh Heidi?  The outfits, pictured above, run from about $98.00 for the pants, and around 170.00 for the dress and hoodieThe top is $118.00.

photo via

If You Buy This, Kindly Let Me Know So I Can Come Over and Beat You Over the Head with Some Sense

I’m going to call it right here.

Any parent who buys their child a $15,000 gingerbread house (that will essentially start to decompose in a matter of days) as a Christmas present needs to turn in their parenting license ASAP.

Don’t things like this make you wish there were such things as parenting licenses?

Cindy Crawford, Stop Making Me Look Bad

You are way older than me, and I understand Photoshop was used, but day-um.

Gucci to Bring Us Overpriced Kids’ Line

In their infnite wisdom, Italian design house Gucci has decided to introduce their first clothing lines for children in the spring of 2011. Because nothing celebrates a double-dip recession like a Gucci-logoed bib!

To be honest, I have a “thing” about paying to have my children be walking advertisements for clothing companies.  In short, I try really hard not to.  Although I have to say as the Munchkin is getting older, that is getting harder.  But those wanna-be Vans? No way.   I cannot see any boy over the age of 5 wearing those without some sort of bribe being involved.  And the muti-colored belts? Really?  Those look exactly like the ones that come free with off-brand cargo shorts. 

But, if this preview is the best that Gucci has, you’ll have to excuse me.  Because I can’t stop yawning.

via

Julia Roberts is Just Like Me

Julia roberts oscar armani

 

Who knew?

Due to copyright reasons, I can’t put up a video clip of Julia’s interview with Oprah, but here’s a link if you are so inclined.

Basically, Oprah asks her about a typical day with her family, and Julia rattles off a synopsis of  getting everyone up, fed, off to school, then home for a snack, “…just like every other family on the street.”

Oh yes, Julia.  The similarities between you and 99.9% of the rest of the population are so very obvious.

Because all of us wear vintage Valentino gowns as we accept our Oscar, all of us get paid millions of dollars for a few months of work, and all of us hang out with George Clooney in Italy. Why, we were just there a month or so ago, and George sends you his best.

For once, I would like to hear some millionaire mom admit that she has an easier time than the rest of us, if only for the fact that unlike a certain someone who writes this blog, she never has to worry that the money to pay the babysitter is almost as expensive as the event that warrants the babysitting.  Which of course, usually means that events like that don’t happen all that often. 

So Julia, hang on to your delusion that you are just like me. 

Until I see you dropping your kids off to school in your unwashed car, hair in a messy bun and still in your pajamas, I’m not buying it.

Spring/Summer Dresses For Girls

Oh yes, it’s that time again!  Time to look at all the pretty dresses!  I know some of these are a bit on the spendy side, but did I mention how pretty they are?

What do I look for in a dress? Vibrant color combinations, wearability, and uniqueness.  Because I have become intimately acquainted with the girl’s section of the clothing store, and there are just so many dresses that look awfully similar to each other, and I can only take so much pink and brown and pink and white.

Kate Mack Copacabana Dress (Little Kids)

Kate Mack – Copacabana Dress  also in Infant and Toddler So fluffy! So cute! Tiers of ruffles make this dress an irresistible confection.

O'Neill Kids Layla (Big Kids)

O’Neill Kids – Layla

It’s got some wonderful colors and patterns, and a vintage vibe.

Roxy Kids Check It Out (Big Kids) 

Roxy Kids – Check It Out

Love. It.

ONeill Kids Belle (Toddlers Little Kids)

O’Neill Kids – Belle

Another ONeill with a wonderful print. And a halter dress for the win!

D&G Junior Sailor - Dress

D&G Junior – Sailor – Dress

This is a dress that not many would buy due to the price, but I’m digging it nonetheless.

Clickety click here to

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Coat Check

madonna_david_mercy

Seriously, I adore the coats that David and Mercy are wearing.

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