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As if Pregnant Women Didn’t Have Enough to Worry About

I’m not sure how long the “Popper Stopper” has been around, but really?  I didn’t have a protruding belly button when I was pregnant, but if I did, I do not think I would have spent money on something for such a VERY temporary condition.   If someone didn’t like how my belly button looked, then don’t look at it!  I’m carrying a damn baby in here and y’all can just deal with it.

Halloween Costumes for the Heavily Pregnant

 

I have to say the basketball player one is my favorite.

Enter Sasquatch

It was a well kept secret.

Nobody told me about what would happen to my feet.

Yeah, you know, those things that, prior to the birth of my son used to be a size 8, and are now a size 9 after my daughter.

I had a size 8 foot for many, many years.  I was never informed that pregnancy would cause my feet to both spread and elongate.  For a little while I tried to jam my feet into those 8′s, but barring some drastic measures a la Cinderella’s stepsisters, it wasn’t gonna happen.

When my son was only a few months old I attended a wedding, and it never even entered my mind that I wouldn’t fit into my old heels.  Agonizing hours later, I came to the uneasy conclusion that hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of perfectly good shoes were going to have to be donated.

During the seven years between my son’s and daughter’s births, I managed to build up a fairly sizable selection.

Only to have my hopes dashed again when I tried on my 8.5′s.

So it has been a year or so that I have been devoting to yet another set of shoes that fill all of my needs.

I’m still not finished.

If the shoe industry was smart, they would run ads inspiring women to get pregnant.  Why has nobody pushed this angle before?  Pregnancy equals different shoe size, equals big money for new shoes.  Get on that, shoe industry.  You’re welcome.

Monday Teeny Poll

Last week I asked what you thought about the attempt to make circumcising infant males illegal, and a fairly overwhelming majority of 86% felt that it was an issue that should not be legislated.  Only 10% felt that it should be made illegal, and I have to admit that I side with the majority on this.  I know there is the argument that it is an unnecessary surgical procedure performed on an infant without their consent (which is sort of par for the course for infants) but it is also a religious/cultural thing for many, and I personally don’t feel comfortable stepping over that line and suddenly making an important religious ritual illegal.  Just my two cents.

Today I RSVP’d for a baby shower for someone I don’t know that well.  Her mother is a good friend of my MIL’s and she is a sweet person, I just feel a teensy bit awkward because the last time I saw them was my wedding, almost ten years ago.  However, obligations are obligations.

Rachel Zoe, Pregnancy Noob

I have never watched her “reality” show, but I do know that she is a professional stylist (despite some questionable personal ensembles I’ve seen her in) to some big-name stars.

And now I know that I want her to go away.

You see, Rachel Zoe is pregnant, and whoopee for her. I mean that, truly, good for her.

However, her recent suggestions on how to dress to “pregnant per-fect-ion” are obviously from someone who has yet to experience their third trimester.

Responding to a reader-submitted question for style ideas while pregnant, Zoe replies:

As opposed to former generations, we are fortunate to live in a fashion-forward age that accommodates to style for every body, size and situation—pregnancy included. For example, both 1. 7 For All Mankind and 2. J Brand make maternity jeans (praise the denim gods!), which are a flawless starting point for a prego-chic look.

Other free form bottoms that are perfect for pregnancy are 3. leggings and 4. maxi skirts or full length dresses. Take your pick of the three styles and then you’re ready to tackle the waist up! For tops, I recommend 5. long tunics, 6. flowy blouses and 7. ponchos to flatter your mom-to-be figure.

Shifting focus to footwear—my fave!—you can stay stylish yet at ease in a pair of 8. wedges or 9. flats. Create any combination from each category—bottoms, tops and shoes—and you will be pregnant per-fec-tion! xoRZ

P.S. One last thing! Don’t forget to complete your modern maternity look by accessorizing with a big tote bag and a pair of do-not-disturb oversized sunnies to hide fatigue!

A poncho? Did I read that correctly? Has Ms. Zoe not read the Manolo’s “No Poncho Pledge?”  Not only does she recommend a friggin’ poncho, it just so happens to be a four hundred dollar poncho!  So you too can pay a fortune to look like a large, misshapen lump!  I mean, even more than you already do!

And the wedges she wants you to wear? Five inches on those suckers, at a cost of two hundred dollars.  So that everyone can admire your great taste in shoes as you fall on your ass and land with your feet in the air due to your center of gravity being completely off.

Then she wants us to wear sunglasses to “hide fatigue.” What? Does she not know that pregnant women should wear their fatigue proudly?  That the very fatigue she wants to so desperately hide is exactly what compels your guilty-feeling husband to give you back and foot massages every day?  Don’t hide the fatigue ladies, flaunt it!

The rest of her advice is very generic, and I can’t believe she gets paid to tell pregnant women they should wear tunics, flowy blouses, and maxi-dresses.  Like this is some sort of earth-shattering new fashion advice.

And listen, anyone who calls sunglasses “sunnies” is someone with whom I will never be friends.

Monday Teeny Poll

Oh, it seems you all are a bit too functional for me, with 34% of you responding that you get along great with your in-laws, while another 34% said it depends. 16% don’ get along with them at all, and for many, many years, I fell into that category. I guess I’ve moved into the “it depends” category, although I never let my guard down with them, which is kind of sad in itself.

Enough about me and my extended family issues, today I’m going to reference this article on Salon.  It seems the writer had a home birth planned, and even though her young daughters indicated they did not want to be around on the big day, she chose otherwise for them and the girls saw/heard the whole thing go down, much to their seeming dismay.  I try not to judge, but…

Back in Black

Amy Adams pregnant

Monday Teeny Poll

pregnant woman with alcohol

According to the results of last week’s poll, the majority of you are having Thanksgiving right at home. To that I say, good luck! I am fortunate enough that my sister is the hostess with the mostest and has all the major holidays and birthdays at her house. My contribution? Usually an appetizer or a salad. This year, probably neither, since I have the excuse of a newborn to hide behind.

Today’s poll revolves around pregnancy, but not mine. Even though I have to admit that during the Halloween party season, imbibing an alcoholic drink was tempting. Especially since I was feeling pretty cruddy for my entire last trimester. I didn’t do it, though.

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