Teeny Manolo

I’m going to do something I’m probably going to regret and jump into the Caesarean Section vs. Natural Childbirth debate.

First, I’m going to say that I’m not for scheduling C-sections because it’s “easier” for either the doctor or the mother than going through labor. It especially makes no sense to me, as recovery times for C-sections are significantly longer and more painful than for natural childbirths.

C-Sections, although having a low mortality rate, are just not as safe as having a child naturally.

But, no one should be looked down upon because they wanted an epidural.

No woman should feel guilty, “less of a woman,” or grief because she had to have a necessary C-section instead of natural childbirth. And other women shouldn’t necessarily feel superior for having a natural childbirth, either. Neither one makes you a better or worse mother.

I think that we perform too many medically unnecessary C-sections in the US.

Yet at the same time, we cannot forget that dying during childbirth was not uncommon all that long ago.

I think there is a distinct lack of true dialogue between mothers-to-be and their healthcare providers.  I don’t know if it can be traced to a bottom-line driven healthcare system, lack of knowledge, malpractice fears, or what.  But either doctors need to listen more, or women have to be more aggressive in questioning their doctors.

Or, better yet, how about both of those?

And yes, this is coming from a woman who had a scheduled, medically necessary C-section. 

We all know what pregnancy can do to your chestage.   The, uh, girls tend to get a whole lot bigger, especially if the new mother is breast-feeding.  And I am all for breast-feeding and embracing the new curves that a baby can bring to your body.

However, Christina Aguilera needs to get a clue.  It took highly tattooed former wild child, blood-vial wearing Angelina Jolie to show her the fine art of tasteful pregnancy and post-pregnancy cleavage.  

Classy!

Not so much!

Can I just say that I have never seen a more gorgeous pregnant woman than Angelina? Where are the cankles?  The softened jawline?  She’s carrying twins and she looks utterly fantastic.  It really just isn’t fair. 

Nicole Kidman is seven months pregnant!

I have to confess that I was bigger at four months than she is at seven.

When asked the question last week, “Is our society today too “kid-centric?” thirty six percent of you stated yes indeedy, it is.  A surprising fifteen percent agreed with Whitney Houston, and a nice chunk of you at twenty six percent decided to completely cheese out on answering.   Remind me never to take you shopping with me, ‘k?

As for this week’s burning question, I’m interested in what you think about surrogate mothers. Well, in fact, what you think about yourself becoming a surrogate mother. And I’m not giving you an easy out this time, either.

According to a study out of the Universitites of Exeter and Oxford, it was found that women who ate a hearty, healthy breakfast were more likely to conceive a son.

In a rather stunning development, women who ate at least one bowl of cereal per day pre-conception were found to have the most male babies. Although cereal contains quite a few nutrients, it frightens me that a food which is completely engineered and bears no resemblance to anything in nature should be the key to having a boy.

Suspicious that some sort of cereal company was underwriting the study, I tried, but could find no evidence of shenanigans.

Women who skipped breakfast or ate a breakfast which was low in nutritional value had more girls.

Now does this study demonstrate yet again the superiority of the female sex, or what? When the going gets rough, it’s the girls who come through. But the boys? Oh no, conditions have to be perfect or they won’t even bother showing up for the party.

I’m trying to remember if I ate a lot of cereal before I got pregnant, although I have to admit that I had a “surprise” pregnancy and thus didn’t even know that I was pregnant until over a month and a half later. So goodness knows what I was putting in my body. I know that I certainly wasn’t making any extra effort to eat healthy, nor did pre-natal vitamins pass my lips until the pregnancy was confirmed.

But hey, if you’re a big fan of Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, or Fruit Loops and you want a boy, then by all means, chow down!

Now, regular readers will know several things about this blog. They’ll know about Listmania. They’ll know about the Friday Caption Contest. They’ll know, if they’ve got the right hormones, about the Celebrity Dad Face-Off.

And they will also know that if you’re looking for practical parenting advice, you go to Glinda. If you’re looking for attitude with or without a side of tentacles, you come to me.

But today Glinda has her hands full making fun of neurasthenic Desperate Housewives, so we must look elsewhere in the blogosphere for a good, stiff dose of sense. Where do we find it?

Ask Aunt Fattie! Seriously, this may be my second favorite advice column, right after Ask Sister Mary Martha (She had me at “Home Depot.” The only way to make Home Depot more awesome is to add nuns). The question o’ the day is, how to look for a job when you’re quite obviously pregnant, even if you’re not actually pregnant. A fraught question indeed. Let’s see what she’s got to say:

Dear Aunt Fatty,

I’m a college senior, about to enter the big wide job market, and I’m looking for some advice on how to handle my Ultra Super Special Body Shape.

You see, I look like I’m about 5-6 months pregnant, despite a complete and total lack of fetuses in my stomach…

Response:

Dear Imaginary Fetus,

Aunt Fattie’s first suggestion would be a T-shirt reading “No, I’m Not Pregnant.”

Her first serious suggestion would be “no empire waists.”

In truth, this is a poser. It is reprehensible but undeniable that firms and companies are reluctant to hire pregnant women because they don’t want to immediately pay for an extended leave of absence. Due to both social and legal restrictions, you can’t solve this with words — they can’t ask, and it’s awkward to answer unbidden. And so, you must solve it with clothes…

Finally, please remember: the “problem” in this case is not your belly, but widespread discriminatory hiring practices. Unfortunately, changing the latter is a huge project, and you shouldn’t have to go unemployed while it’s being undertaken. But even though Aunt Fattie’s advice involves hiding your belly, your belly is NOT the problem here.

And so it goes, with practical advice, witty phrasing, and motivational delivery, and with many amusing and several actually very useful suggestions in the comments. Did you know what happens to your ladyparts when you wear a spandex bodysquasher when you’re actually pregnant?

YOU. DON’T. WANT. TO. KNOW.

Note that the recommended outfits would not include this:

From Oh Baby London via CounterfeitChic

I bet that’s four words you never thought you’d hear together! But quite sensible ones, all the same. From the Hollywood Squares vintage files at lyndesquares:

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

We can’t keep the whole blogosphere to ourselves, and we can’t put these topics any better than these guys did, so we are simply handing you a heaping helping of links from around the parentblogosphere and instructing you to enjoy them responsibly. Post in moderation. Wait one half-hour before swimming or operating heavy machinery.

Mini-Me fashion designers from Harper’s Bazaar (Sassybella) Mini Lagerfeld? The corruption of innocence was never so fabulous, darling.

Prepare for the Monday Melee! (Fracas) Your syllabic resonant consonants will never be the same.

Rosette Nebula (Maya’s Granny) My God! It’s full of stars!

Heart-Shaped Nebula (Smoke & Mirrors) What’s at the heart of the universe?

Notes to a Stressed Past Self (Work it, Mom!) Now who do we get to deliver it?

Tadpolecast (Petite Anglaise) The Tadpole sings in tongues.

Are You Kidding Me? (WhiteTrash Mom)  St. Mary’s Academy of Stupidity

Back in My Day, a Man Was a Man and a Stroller Was a Stroller (dadsmacker) and we had to tame them ourselves, uphill in the snow

Which Celebrities are Packing a Passenger? (Celebrity Baby Scoop) And Colin Farrell has alibis for all of them

Wheel Chairs for Iraqi Kids (lilSugar) Donations accepted

Lessons from a High School Dropout (Fluttering Butterflies) Some lessons you learn too late

Bra-vo! (Kvetch Blog) Somebody’s girl has a head start on the superfantastic life

This is How New Parents Spend Friday Night (dooce) The human brain goes missing when it comes in close proximity to a chubby baby

 Not to imply that the famously beauteous Salma Hayek is a dog. We should all be so dog-like! But the actress might just have a wee failure of perspective problem, from what I’m reading on the blogs lately. It seems that, shocked by the weight gain inevitable with a healthy pregnancy and shocked further by the firm refusal of those pounds to come off within, say, fifteen or twenty minutes of the birth, she has resorted to extreme measures to return to her Hollywood-standard slimness.

From AzCentral:

Salma Hayek is using an “industrial-size” breast pump to lose her baby weight, it has been claimed.

The ‘Frida’ actress is resorting to extreme measures after friends told her breastfeeding is the best way to shed post-pregnancy pounds. Hayek gave birth to her first child, Valentina Paloma, in September.

She’d better be careful with that machine if she doesn’t want to end up with breasts that look like that Jack Russel’s ears! I think, though, they’re a little off-base with their description of the alleged milking machine. This blogger has a better understanding of the situation:

From GrowingYourBaby:

I believe the term that this writer is looking for is a ‘hospital grade’ pump (worth sometimes $700-$900). They are usually a decent size, come with more options and have a stronger, more consistent suction.

Of course, if I looked like Salma Hayek I’d just ask for volunteers and do it manually.

For some reason, there has been a mini baby boom over the past few years, and no less than five people I know are currently expecting.  That’s a lot of babies, which turns into a lot of baby showers to attend.  And because I love my friends, I will suck it up and grudgingly gladly play umpteen games of “Baby Bingo” and guessing how many diaper pins are in the jar.

Baby registries are highly popular, but sometimes new mothers don’t know what they need.  They think they know what they need, but they really don’t.  How do I know? Because I was one of them. 

So, that is where Glinda steps in to help to find you the best of the best.

Diaper Dekor Plus Diaper Disposal System

If the mom-to-be is using disposable diapers, this is the way to go. A bit more expensive than the Genie, it is a similar but improved version.  As an added bonus, you can operate it with one hand.

Petit Appetit Cookbook: Easy, Organic Recipes to Nurture Your Baby and Toddler

I like this book because it doesn’t stop at recipes for only babies, it continues with meals for toddlers. This greatly increases its versatility, and new moms need all the versatility they can get! 

Built NY Double Thirsty Tote

This neoprene holder allows you to strap on two feeding bottles, sippy cups, cans, or whatever onto pretty much anything, anywhere.  Also comes in black, pink, and blue.

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