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October, 2008 | Teeny Manolo
Archive - October, 2008

Saturday Caption Contest Results: Halloween Edition

It’s time to announce our winner of the festive Halloween-themed Saturday Caption Contest from last week. Here are our costumed antagonists of last week, along with the winning caption:

Halloween Caption Contest

gemdiva Says:

Little Hildy lived in constant fear that there was no such thing as PMS and this was mommy’s real personality.

Once again, congratulations and imaginary prizes to gemdiva, who knows enlightened skepticism when she sees it. What shall be her hypothetical trophy for the virtual presentation of the iAward? These crazy-fabulous 62 Muertos, which will make you the envy both of Goths and Zombie Cowboys, and who wouldn’t want that, eh? I ask you. You’ll slay ’em!

Liberty Boot Co. - 62 Muertos (Bone/Black Skulls) - Footwear

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Halloween Edition

I’m interrupting our regularly scheduled CDF to bring you a special Halloween Edition.

I mean, with all the fabulous men who have played vampires on the big and small screens, how could I resist?

Now, enough yapping and on to your special Halloween treat, a quadruple threat with the vampires of Buffy duking it out against Anne Rice characters!

Happy Halloween!

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Smith Family: Picture Perfect

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I’m guessing it’s Jada who coordinated all of their outfits, and don’t they look fabulous? We could all learn a thing or two from her about dressing for a family photo, an especially timely lesson since those Christmas card pictures are coming up!

Too often families go for everyone dressing the same, as in everyone having buttoned-down white shirts and chinos, or red sweaters and denim. The picture above shows that everyone can still dress in the same color palette and yet retain their individuality.

I’m loving that she and Will have added touches of blue along with the black and white that matches the kids.

You’re taking notes, right?  Although I think it goes without saying that we can ignore the astroturf and neon Mexican “Grill & Deli” sign for our own photo ops.

Halloween Horrors: The Backlash!

Well has the eloquent Glinda pointed out the sheer wrongitude of allowing (or, Cthulhu forbid, encouraging) your pre- or barely-pubescent daughter to dress up like some sort of novelty escort on Halloween. Truly, if a courtesan would charge extra for the outfit, it’s not something that should sully a child’s wardrobe or reputation.

Apart from placing one’s foot with unnecessary firmness upon the ground and refusing to buy the “Sienna Miller in St. Tropez” outfit, there are other ways to strike back at a costume industry that seems intent on pandering to the demands of those who routinely use the service of panderers, rather than to the more appropriate requests of concerned parents.

Like this:

If you’re a parent it is presumable, although not biologically required, that you are over the age of consent. If you are over the age of consent, you’re allowed to dress as trashily as you like, yea, even unto the realms inhabited by Paris Hilton, Katie Price, Tara Reid, and other assorted human Bratz dolls.

Do this instead:

From Airchinapilot’s Photobooth at Parade of Lost Souls

If you can’t give up on the urge to shock people, rest assured this may still be achieved while maintaining one’s modesty. The Brits have done transvestitism to death, but what about dressing up as adorable little children?

Say, these ones?

Diane Arbus The Shining Twins

Blasphemy! Or, I’m Getting Cranky and Old…

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I want you to think back to the original animated Disney movie, Peter Pan.

Who doesn’t love them some Peter Pan? Er, in a purely platonic way, I mean. The characters of Peter, Wendy, Hook, Smee, Tinkerbell, and hell, even the crocodile are perfect and I wouldn’t change a single frame.

But today I got a letter from Disney stating that because the Disney Fairies have become a huge marketing juggernaut for them (uh, my words, not theirs) a movie is coming out in which Tinkerbell speaks.

Ack!

I don’t want Tinkerbell to speak! I want to stay cozily wrapped up in my dusty old cocoon of nostalgia of Tinkerbell communicating only with the sound of chiming, tinkling bells. There will be no beautiful butterfly! This caterpillar wants to stay a caterpillar, completely ignorant of what Tinkerbell’s voice sounds like.

There are just no mysteries left for kids anymore, are there?

Even worse? This is a straight-to-DVD release. Tinkerbell’s voice doesn’t even get its own movie premiere.

Somewhere, the Lost Boys are weeping.

Spooky Halloween!

Grrrrrr!For some, the best thing about Halloween is the wonderful excuse it provides to go out and get your scared on and scream your face off. This is why amusement parks open on Halloween, even though the weather’s always lousy. They don’t even need to dress the carnies up! Just tell them to come straight from the meeting with the parole officer, as-is.

But some, it seems, have taken it too far. From the not-so-very-distant Nanny State comes news that this year 54% of parents are too frightened of the risks of Trick-or-Treating and will keep their children home instead.

54% of parents will ban their children from taking part in the age-old tradition, with 45% citing road safety issues and 43% highlighting antisocial behaviour as a concern. And of those who will let their children out, 89% will be accompanied by an adult with 72% saying they will only allow their children to visit friends and neighbours they know.

But, despite the fears, the same survey revealed only 3% of children have actually been involved in an accident or crime while trick or treating.

John McNamee, chief executive of CSEF, said: “It’s encouraging to see that the vast majority of children who are going trick or treating will be doing so under supervision.

“This really is key to ensuring a successful and fun Hallowe’en for children, parents and residents alike.”

While any accident is an unfortunate thing, simply having an adult along will lower the risk. I for one would never let my children Trick-or-Treat alone and besides, isn’t this one of those “golden moments of childhood” things that you’ll look back on in years to come and fondly say, “ah, remember the time you had eighteen bags of candy corn and puked in Mrs. Smith’s rhododendron bush?”

10 Things Kids Don’t Want in Their Treat Bags

If you are like me, you haven’t yet bought your candy for fear that you might eat a goodly portion of it before Friday night. So, you have no excuses! Do not be one of “those houses!”

And we ALL know who they are.

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Raisins
If you have a health agenda, let me give you a heads up by saying that Halloween night is not the right time to push it on the neighborhood kids. Otherwise, they might get an agenda of their own that involves massive amounts of toilet paper.

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Fruit-flavored hard candies/Butterscotch hard candies
Does anybody like these? Did they ever? Why are they still being made? I don’t know anyone that likes this stuff other than elderly people. Certainly no six year olds I’ve ever come into contact with.

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Jawbreakers
Jawbreakers fall into the same category as the candies above, but with even less flavor and the potential for dental harm. There simply is no payoff here.

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Red Hots
These are, at best, breath-fresheners, not real candy.

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Necco Wafers
Perhaps at one time back in the day when processed sugar was a luxury, these were considered good. Times change, and nowadays sidewalk chalk probably tastes better.

(more…)

The Helen Thomas of the Fifth Grade

Here’s Damon Weaver of Canal Point Elementary School in Palm Beach County, Florida, interviewing Vice Presidential Hopeful Joe Biden on what the Vice Presidency is all about. Frankly, one of the best interviews so far in the race, so congratulations, Damon!

And Joe.

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