I have to start out by saying we are all about team sports here at Casa Glinda.  I played team sports for many, many years including softball, basketball and volleyball.  Later in my career I focused on volleyball, and loved it so much I wound up eventually coaching at the college level.  My husband also participated in multiple team sports, including football and wrestling.  We practically lived and breathed tenets such as “a team is only as good as its weakest player” and “it’s all about teamwork.”  We go around the house high-fiving each other every time one of us makes an impressive display of parenting skills.  OK, I’m joking on that one.  Sort of.

Which is why I don’t understand why the ”go team” DNA apparently did not get passed down to the Munchkin.

Like the good suburban parents we are, we enrolled him in team sports from the time he was in preschool.  Bitty soccer. Tee ball.  Basketball.

He hated them all, especially practices.  It’s not due to a lack of coordination or ability, he just didn’t understand what the big deal was.

He did not see the point at all in running laps.  Why did he have to run in some arbitrary circle just because someone told him to?

Why should he have to sit in the outfield when someone else got to have all the fun at first base?

This is the same child who screeched at his fellow soccer teammate that he had “messed up”and allowed the other team to score and brought the boy to tears.

I’m still apologizing for that one.

Fitting the definition of insanity, I kept trying to push him into team sports, thinking it would be good for him. 

One has to learn how to be a team player eventually, right? Right? 

Hmmm, I’m wondering if Bill Gates or Steve Jobs ever played team sports.  

What it boiled down to was that he was not  happy and thus we were not  happy since badgering my child to attend practice over his vocal protests is not the manner in which I wish to spend my afternoons.

But I do think that exposure to sports is important, if just from an exercise and discipline point of view.

So, tennis, anyone?

To wit:

1. There will always be the overbearing parental unit who stands on the sidelines and bellows, “KICK THE BALL, JACKSON, KICK THE BALL!” pause “THE OTHER WAY, JACKSON, THE OTHER WAY!” pause “DAMMIT JACKSON!”

2. Your child’s interest in the sport will be inversely proportional to that of the coach’s skill level, i.e. your semi-pro Little Leaguer is stuck with a coach that barely knows the names of all the positions, and your lackadaisical basketball player will be hounded by the coach whose last team won the state championship.

3. Someone will always be unwilling to get to know the rest of the parents on the team.

4. One contingent of moms on the team will push for “healthy snacks” because they don’t want their kids “eating that crap” and the other contingent thinks the healthy snacks moms need to lighten up a bit.  Semi-veiled insults from both sides  may or may not ensue.

5. There will always be one mom who takes the after-game-snack to an entirely different level, including, but not limited to: personalized team logo M&M’s, custom snack bags with names done in calligraphy, full sized Gatorade bottles, and a veritable supermarket aisle’s worth of snacks in the bag.

6. Her polar opposite will also make an appearance, bringing only lukewarm water bottles and a single granola bar.

7. There will be at least one kid whose parents never stay for the games or practices .

8. Never sleep with your child’s coach when you’re married to someone else. It makes those pancake breakfasts so very awkward.

9. Your child will be on the team with the worst color uniforms.

10. You will tell yourself that your child’s performance on the field/court doesn’t matter to you.  But it does.

As we wind our way out of the 80′s, it seems that Bruce Springsteen is a suprisingly strong CDF contestant.  Not only did he win against Bruce Willis, he triumphed against Jon Bon Jovi, he of the large 80′s hair and (IMHO) bad songs.  Yeah, yeah, I know they were popular and sold a lot of records, but so have Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Even though public opinon on him is currently divided, there was no question that this next contender practically ruled the 80′s movie screen.  Let’s not think of him as the “couch-jumper” but rather the dashing pilot with the cool motorcycle.  Oh, and the volleyball scene couldn’t hurt, either. Speaking as a former volleyball player and collegiate-level assistant coach, I can tell you that as much as I love Goose, it is obvious he cannot play volleyball to save his life.

VERSUS

I was looking over websites, perusing the new spring offerings that are out. I was not really impressed.

What I did see, though, was that odd hybrid of skirt and shorts known as the skort. Not a skirt that has shorts underneath, but the kind with the flap of fabric in the front for the skirt, but looks like shorts in the back.

My theory is that moms often fall into wearing skorts because they think, hey, it looks like a cute skirt in the front, but I can actually bend down to pick up my toddler without showing the world my panties! Which I will agree is indeed a fabulous thing.

But I got to thinking about skorts, and wondering if they were in fact, evil. I will admit to owing a pair about ten years ago or so, although I don’t really think there has been a time when they have truly been a fasion “rage.” Or maybe there was, and I just wasn’t around for it.

The skort was first developed by Leon Levin as the “Q” skirt for the LGPA, where they became a big hit and adopted by many a golfing lady, as well as women tennis players. Now for sports and other athletic endeavors, I can see why they would be nice. Sort of like a reverse mullet, party in the front, business in the back.

But considering the vehemence of the debate on capris, I’m curious. Are they the most useful piece of clothing ever designed? Young girls can get away with them, but nobody over 12? Or, maybe you think NO ONE should ever wear skorts. Ever.

Do tell.

Although my home and native land is also the birthplace of basketball, it must be said that the sport has not really taken off in the True North perhaps because, however Strong and Free it may be, it’s also on average 2 inches shorter than its neighbors to the South. While such an abundance of shortness poses no barrier to the Filipinos, who surely boast the highest number of basketball hoops per capita in the world, it must be said that they are rather farther away from the towering giants who dwell below the 49th parallel and, thus, less likely to be challenged to pickup games.

But we at TeenyManolo have found one town in the sub-Arctic lands which is positively consumed with basketball fever, and that town is Bathurst, New Brunswick. And why? Given the history, they have every reason to loathe the sport.

Eight teenage boys from Bathurst, N.B., will show the country what courage and perseverance look like when they walk onto the basketball court, ringed by cheering crowds, in Fredericton on Saturday.

A year ago, their high school and their small city were turned upside down when seven members of the Bathurst High Phantoms boys basketball squad were killed in a highway traffic accident.

The wife of their coach, Wayne Lord, also died when the team van collided with an oncoming truck on an icy road, as Lord was driving the players home from an evening game in January.

Bathurst High disbanded its boys basketball program, and Lord quit coaching, as he and the community coped with the tragedy.

In the fullness of time, the school hired a new coach and formed a new basketball team for the new school year, and resigned itself to competing in a lower league than the experienced team of past years.

And they won.

And won.

And won the Provincial Championship just yesterday, in fact.

…they surprised everyone, working their way into the Tier-2 provincial finals, and — despite the recent hospitalization of their new coach — to a resounding 82-50 win on Saturday over a brave group of boys from Campobello Island High, who faced the daunting task of playing a team almost willed toward victory by those who knew their tragic history.

“We did the impossible pretty much,” said 10th-Grade guard Alex Robichaud, who stood on the court after the game, marvelling at the lights of the TV cameras and the excited fans that circled around him on the court.

“I didn’t think we’d get this far. It means everything to have won.”

“Grief is an ongoing issue for all of us,” [Peggy Arseneau] said. “But we’ve kind of parked it in a place in our heart right now, because everybody’s rallying behind this team. The love and the pride in our team is just overwhelming.”

Arseneau and other Bathurst fans wore red t-shirts emblazoned with the sweater numbers of the seven players killed last year, along with the words: “Boys in Red . . . Never Forget.”

If, like me, you and your family are not fanatics for football, don’t fret; there are other Tivo-worthy sporting events today. Foremost among these is AnimalPlanet’s renowned and highly competitive Puppy Bowl. See the opening lineup here on Defamer, and see all the puppy cam you can stand below:

If your favorite team’s season went to the dogs this year, Animal Planet has some new recruits that are ready for their chance to conquer the pigskin—or a chew toy—in PUPPY BOWL V. The yearly canine competition is back as a new cast of pups takes the field for another year of dogged defense, puppy penalties and fido first downs. The action takes place on the grand gridiron of Animal Planet Stadium, where an all-star, all- “adoptable” lineup of rambunctious pups is ready to compete in the ultimate puppy showdown.

To kick start this year’s sports extravaganza is “Pepper the Parrot,” singing a unique rendition of the National Anthem. This year, every puppy featured in PUPPY BOWL V is recruited from a local shelter, so these pooches are free agents looking for a good home.

Plus, while the big guys are listening to “The Boss” at halftime, PUPPY BOWL has once again enlisted the help of some frisky kittens for an all-new edition of the KITTY HALF-TIME SHOW. Make your fantasy picks now and come online during the big game to vote for MVP (Most Valuable Puppy). PUPPY BOWL V premieres Sunday, February 1, from 3-5 PM (ET/PT).

Shhhh, it’s me, Glinda.

And even though the lovely raincoaster asked me to take over the caption contest for today, I just feel sort of wrong. You know, like the wrong when you go looking through your friend’s medicine cabinet. Fascinated, but yet dreading what might happen. I doubt I’ll find anything incriminating. Right?

As odd as it feels, I must do my duty for all you caption contest fanatics.

So I present you with Matthew Broderick! On a scooter! With a helmet! And uh, accessories!

Come on, I know you’ve got it in you…

Angry and upset that their children cannot hit a baseball thrown by a fellow nine year old, parents forfeit the game and leave him standing on the mound, looking at an empty home plate.

Is this a scene edited out of The Incredibles?

No, it happened in the Newhaven, Conneticut Little League! Just last week!

Because Jericho Scott is so talented, they want his team to disband and be redistributed among the other teams.  Except for, I’m assuming, poor Jericho.

I don’t know what makes me feel worse about this story.  Is it that Jericho is essentially being punished for excelling at pitching?  Or that the parents from the other teams chose to impart a very harsh lesson upon a child, even though they claim it was the safety of their own children at stake? It’s a toss-up, really.

Although Jericho has never hit anyone, his top spitching peed of 40mph made some parents nervous.  I get that, I really do.  But is he not supposed to pitch to the best of his ability? 

Or is it really a case of Jericho being just too good?

Do little Danny’s parents get upset because his team gets shut out every time they play against Jericho’s team?  Is Danny depressed because he is not yet good enough to hit pitching of Jericho’s caliber?

Oh well.

Get used to it, young Danny.

It’s about time parents got their heads out of their collective derrieres and taught their children that they will not always be the best at something.  That even though there is someone better than them (and trust me, 99% of the time, there will always be someone better than them at something) it doesn’t mean they can’t try hard and do their own personal best.

And even if their own personal best doesn’t get a home run, or even a single, that it is ok.  The earth will not spin off its axis.  It just means that you put your head down and try harder next time.

Nobody likes to lose.

But learning how to lose, and how to be a gracious loser, is one of the most important lessons we can teach our kids.

I would not be surprised if soon young Jericho is forced to relocate to another city, change his name, and become an insurance salesman.

Just so everyone else can feel better about themselves.

Thanks to Dr. Nic for the story idea!