Archive - October, 2007

The Dream Factory

Abigail Breslin as a Fairy

This is a shot of Abigail Breslin, star of Little Miss Sunshine, from the beautiful Annie Leibowitz’s series of Celebrity Fairy Tales (no, not “They are happily married” or “She’s clean and sober”) shot for Disney. The House of the Mouse may range far from its origin in children’s entertainment sometimes, but when they come back to what they do best, they always seem to do it pretty darn well. And in this case, they’re doing good, too (see Mauswitz, Duckau, and other such endearing aliases for the unbeloved corporate behemoth that is the Disney conglomerate).

Fossilized FairyFairies, particularly, are in desperate need of a PR boost right about now, and here comes Disney to the rescue. After nearly a century of being fobbed off as ridiculous, amateurish hoaxes perpetrated upon aging sentimentalists, suddenly the tide is turning. First the emergence of the Fairy Fossils, then the actual Mummified Fairy Remains which were then made available to scientific researchers via eBay, and now the stunning new photographic proof in the Natural History Museum of the UK; it is clear that, just as the Twentieth Century was the Age of Progress, so the Twenty-First Century is becoming the Age of Fairies.

I for one welcome our new ethereal overlords.

Fairy and meerkats

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

Boobalicious Teri!

Did I frighten you with this picture?  I’m so sorry, take a second to catch your breath.  There, all better now? 

Halloween is a time for scary, so you can’t blame me for trying.

But seriously, I think the idea of daughter and mom dressing within a theme for Halloween is super fantastic. Especially a theme from such a worthy literary work.  Glinda approves.

Teri’s makeup?  Pretty cool. 

Her daughter’s dress? Very cute.

The Queen of Hearts costume itself? Way fab.

However, are you guys seeing what I’m seeing in this picture?

Have a safe and happy Halloween, everyone!

Teeny Manolo’s Dating Advice for Single Men

Say it with me, “Awwww”

Single men, forget all the things you hear from Maxim and Stuff about how to pick up a chick.  Teeny Manolo is here to help.  We gaurantee that this method will work.  We won’t demand any payment, we do this as a public service.   So men, save the lame lines, ditch the fresh produce aisle, and leave the puppies at home.  There’s a new game in town.

Teeny Manolo’s Guide to Picking Up Chicks in Six Easy Steps:

1. Legally procure someone else’s child.  A young child is good, but it can be of almost any age.  

2. Request that the child be dressed nicely, but in an outfit that doesn’t quite match. 

3. Take the child anywhere there will be women around.  A park is good, a mall is better.

4. Begin interacting with the child.  Silly faces, peek-a-boo, and tag are all time-tested winners. 

5.  Prepare yourself for the onslaught of women who will approach you, completely of their own volition.

6.  Pick and choose from the many members of the opposite sex who are practically throwing themselves at you.

There is something so compelling about seeing a man with child.  I don’t know if it is something subliminal, or biological, or what, but watching a man having a good time with children is a surefire way to melt the hearts of all women within a hundred foot radius.  

Women will think you are a caring, kind individual.  They will think you are a responsible individual.  In the back of their minds, they will think that you are prime daddy material, because you obviously like kids. 

These things will make you nigh upon irresistible to almost any woman.

Because if it can make even Jack Black look adorable, just think of what it can do for you

Friday Caption Contest Results: Halloween Edition

You’ll remember our clucking fabulous family portrait from Friday. You should all be proud; not one of the captions was stronger than PG, despite the tempting subject material. Here now is the judge’s final verdict on the most amusing caption.

Halloween portrait

Sonia Says:

The best place is to pick up chicks is at the mall.

Congratulations! A double-drumstick salute to Sonia, our caption contest winner for the week! Don’t spend all your winnings in one place!

If you’ve got a pic you’d like featured in the Friday Caption Contest, just email it to me at raincoaster AT gmail DOT com and I’ll queue it up.

What I mean is, I’ll use it. I just like any excuse to type “queue.”

 

Monday Teeny Poll

 Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin and Hobbes, the perfect pair!  If you are not familiar with the comic strip from Bill Watterson, do yourself a big favor and click on the picture.

Some studies have shown that children who have imaginary friends have better verbal and socialization skills than their peers.  I’m not absolutely sure about that, but it is an interesting concept.  Although I think they might reconsider if they were to hear my son boss his “crew” (as in pirate, not taggging) around. It’s a wonder those guys haven’t staged a mutiny by now.

Listmania- Best Books for Younger Children

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

I was one of those children who would receive a book as a gift and screech as loudly with glee than when it was a Barbie.  My mother would take my sister and I to the library every two weeks so that I could check out a stack of books sometimes nearly half my height.  I’m pretty sure the librarians knew us by name.  In fact, I loved books so much that when I grew up, I earned my degree in Literature. 

When I became a mother, I vowed that I would try to raise a child who was as voracious a reader as I am.  So far, it’s working.

To me, a good book is one that makes such an impression that you fondly remember it, even years after.  There seems to be a misconception that “great literature” must make a sweeping moral statement or somehow evoke the pathos of the human condition.  That they must be gilt and leather-bound tomes that you must gird yourself for before even opening the book. To me, what makes great literature is it’s ability to resonate with the reader.  Because a book that makes you giggle uncontrollably is just as important as one that imparts a lesson. These are some of my favorites, in no particular order. 

Younger Children

The Rainbow Fish
Goodnight Moon
Officer Buckle and Gloria
Guess How Much I Love You
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
The Hundred Dresses
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Spot (series)
The Snowy Day
Click Clack Moo: Cows that Type
Alexander and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
The True Story of Three Little Pigs
Tikki Tikki Tembo
The Cat in the Hat
Green Eggs and Ham
Frog and Toad (series)
Where the Wild Things Are
Madeline
The Real Mother Goose
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
Harold and the Purple Crayon
If You Give a Mouse A Cookie
Lon Po Po
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel
The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh
The Velveteen Rabbit
Arthur (series)
Olivia
The Polar Express
Jumanji
Aesop’s Fables
Peter Rabbit and Other Tales

All right, what did I miss? 

And next up- Best Books for Older Children

The View

lolcats and funny pictures

I’m lazy today, so I thought I’d sift through some blog posts and put up some I thought were newsier, more celebrity-encrusted, or simply more amusing than anything I can come up with today, so here ya go!

MyLittlePony is a bit OCD, n’est ce pas? (Portraits of Canadians, via Bridlepath)

The Muppets vs the Fraggles (CelebrityScraps)

Gretchen Mol gives birth to ancient Egyptian (Babyrazzi)

Tori Spelling steals Denise Richards’ look! But the kid is a little monkey (CelebrityBabies)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s kids are so cute even SHE has to smile (JustJared)

Manny Ramirez is a Major League Dad! (CelebrityBabyBlog)

Ghetto pants: a bum rap? (Catalina tu Vecina)

Carrot juice is MURDER! (Seismic Twitch)

My wife likes to see me tied up (Charlie’s House)

May the prettiest and coolest child win! (Dadsmacker)

Showdown at the hoedown (MommyOffTheRecord)

Toddler has reached critical mass (TheBlogess)

Knitted baby butt cosy! (AwesomeMom)

Soap operas as study guides? (KvetchBlog)

Yard arting, empty nesting, and wishful thinking (SuburbanLesbian)

Optimus Prime is gay, too! (me!)

Blingorific- The Results Show!

As bad for your baby as it looks!

So thanks to a tip from my esteemed co-blogger Raincoaster, I was able to verify that Swarovski crystals do in fact contain 32% lead, so there are all kinds of stupid going on with this pacifier. 

Even more stupid?  That someone would pay $54.95 for it.  Granted the website states that it should only be used under adult supervision, but babies can be pretty quick to pop something in their mouths.  So unless “supervision” means being less than three inches away from the child at all times in readiness to grab it away at the slightest hint of a turn-around, I would never give this to a baby.  And yet they are charging me fifty-five bucks for the chance for my kid to get lead poisoning!

So who wins?

Awesome Mom with the closest price of fifty bucks even! Brag away, my friend!  

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