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Elmo Gets Roasted

By now, I don’t have to explain my feelings about Elmo. If you’ve got wee ones who are fond of the twitching, giggling ginger homunculus, please send them out of the room before playing the following video, where Elmo gets what’s coming to him courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Perry Lang, a chef of whom I had never heard but of whom I am now unreasonably fond. “You kill ‘em, I grill ‘em.” A man after my own heart.


Via SeriouslyOMG

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Ricky Gervais and Elmo on Sesame Street

OK, I hate to admit it, but Elmo almost redeems himself after these outtakes.

By the company they keep…

What have we been telling you about this guy all along? If you want to know who to blame for Jennifer Aniston’s broken heart, look no farther than this twitching tempter, the evil Elmo!


via JustJared.

My Kid Hates Elmo

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For many years, my son was only allowed to watch PBS. I love their television shows for kids, and in moderation, they can facilitate all kinds of learning.

The Munchkin was fascinated by Sesame Street from the time he was a toddler. I mean, what child doesn’t like the concept of people and multi-colored puppets living in harmony in New York City? He especially loved the Cookie Monster, who has tragically been cheated out of valuable screen time and only given a segment on the letter of the day. Occasionally he would be in an extra song or sketch, but Cookie Monster sightings outside the letter of the day segment were rare. He also really liked Grover, but Grover is hardly ever on Sesame Street any more. This made the Munchkin sad.

For some reason, Sesame Street has somehow evolved into something that should be called “The Elmo Show.” Just give him his own spinoff or something, would ya? I don’t know who decided that Elmo should be the new face of Sesame Street, but he is a poor substitute for the articulate, introspective Kermit the Frog. Elmo is in almost all of the opening sketches, and of course, there is the scourge known as “Elmo’s World.”

To endure the fifteen straight minutes of high-pitched, Yoda-like pidgin-speak that emanates from Elmo was too much for my son to bear. At first, he would watch as far as Mr. Noodle. The old Mr. Noodle, by the way, not the new one. And certainly not the disaster that was that one woman who was supposed to be their sister or something. Anyhoo, after a while, even Elmo’s interactions with Mr. Noodle were too grating, and as soon as “Elmo’s World” came on, he would do something else or turn the television off. “I hate Elmo!” my son would cry in exasperation.

What can I say? The kid’s got good taste.

Elmo, Silenced at Last!

Is THIS what it takes to shut up that nattering, twitching little homunculus? All I know is, having that dreamy Andrea Bocelli singing to me would definitely not result in my immediate loss of consciousness.

Unless I faint, that is.

Andrea Bocelli sings Elmo to sleep, via Hummingbird604

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, Cannibals!

Martha Stewart is my favorite felon. Not only did the woman come second in the highly competitive cell decorating contest at Camp Cupcake, but she never lets anything phase her, whether it’s hard-line questioning from District Attorneys, gooey come-ons from Conan O’Brian, or mere questions of taste.

See for yourself! Here is a snippet of Martha’s show from October a couple of years ago preparing for Thanksgiving (either she really thinks ahead or she was pandering to the Canadian viewers in hopes of obtaining long-denied permission to enter the country). Note that her mouth-watering food-themed centerpieces were fashioned from the finest fabrics, hypoallergenic stuffing material, and fresh, innocent babies.

from the Hater:

I don’t know why this video is so creepy. Well, actually, I know exactly why this video is so creepy: it features overhead shot after overhead shot of a table full of babies dressed like over-sized food products, their chubby arms and legs squirming beneath the giant foodstuffs that have become their prisons.

I suppose there are worse fates.

HELL-MO!

HELL-mo

Friday Caption Contest Results: Rocking Japanese Elmo Edition

Our evil nemesis Elmo has inspired our captioneers with his unique brand of debauchery and sadism, so naturally it was a dirty battle for the top spot, but we have a winner!

Rocking Japanese Elmo

Bellamama Says:

Though he originally claimed it was a simple translation error, investigators have now revealed that Elmo signed a multi-million dollar contract with the hand soap companies in Japan.

Congratulations, imaginary swag, and effective sanitation to Bellamama! What shall we present as our virtual prize? I think this occasion calls for something a little different. Something powerful, yet feminine. Something irresistable. Something Prada
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Friday Caption Contest: Rocking Japanese Elmo Edition

Oh, I should have expected this. So many stars, even those who are well-behaved at home, go a bit crazy once they get overseas. And we have heard ALL about Elmo!

Rocking Japanese Elmo