Teeny Manolo

Nicole Kidman is seven months pregnant!

I have to confess that I was bigger at four months than she is at seven.

George Bush is the greatest president in the history of presidents.

Mission was accomplished.

Toddlers never throw tantrums.

I live in a huge mansion with a cook, a maid, and a butler.

Junk food is good for you and helps you lose weight.

Pamela Anderson is an Oscar-winning actress.

Christian is as straight as a ruler.

The economy is strong.

And Dina Lohan has received a “Top Mom” of the year award.

I am in Bizarro World, aren’t I? 

Either people are not so into the My Little Pony as we have been led to believe, or bubblegum pink is just not Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s colour.

And I think we all know which of the two it is.

In any case, it is time to announce the winner of our highly prestigious Friday caption contest. Given our voyeuristic interest in scandals, there was only one choice.

Liz Says: April 25th, 2008 at 9:25 pm

The MLB steroid scandal investigation took a new turn when baseball officials learned of the new My Little Pony/Roger Clemens connection.

Congratulations and lucky horseshoes to Liz! And also, hypothetical trophy accessories:

It’s the Juicy Couture Equestrian Princess Fluffy Hobo Bag, which is way more name than you’d think a hobo could carry, but a snazzy handbag to say the least.

And at 16″W x 9″H x 9″D, it can fit an entire (small) MLP stable at once.

You know what to do. Just think “Whoopi-level” rather than “Sherri-level” in terms of wit and you’ll be fine.

Oh, this will not end well.

Okay, fess up. Who hired the babysitter?

Working as I do for the Manolo I am perhaps hypersensitized to the semiotic power of the shoe (and I may or may not be PMSing additionally but that is neither here nor there and nothing a little Merlot won’t put right) and yet I defy anyone to view the Guardian’s slideshow of magical realist Isabel Allende’s mementos and remain stonefaced when they see these.

“My son is my soul. These were his first shoes. I have a splendid relationship with my daughter-in-law and we work together in the foundation. Today there are 27 million slaves in the world, mostly women and girls. I know for the rest of my life that this is going to be my mission and my struggle”

If that doesn’t get you, A) see your doctor and B) click on to see the next image… (more…)

see more loldogs ask - i can has hotdog?

It isn’t the makeup artists to create a flawless complexion…

Or the fabulous dresses… Well in this case the, uh, supposed access to fabulous dresses whether taken advantage of or not…

Or the beautiful updos and bling…

Not the unlimited snack runs…

It isn’t the perfectly toned bodies right after childbirth…

It isn’t even all the money they spend for the plastic surgeries to get the bodies…

No, it is none of that.

Do you realize that none of the children of any of these women were around when these pictures were taken?

It’s the babysitting I want, my friends. 

They can have all the rest, but I want the babysitting.  If I was able to ditch my kid as often as they do, I’d have a big smile on my face too!

You will naturally remember our colourful eccentrics from Friday, along with their surprisingly normal-seeming offspring. Your memory may be particularly aided, as mine was, by the realization that the dog blanket Helena Bonham Carter is wearing as a skirt here was probably designed by a reclusive genius from Andorra and likely cost more than I made this month, but that is neither here nor there.

It is time to announce the winner of the caption contest. Drumroll, please! And, from the looks of these two, a backbeat from the Salvation Army marching band as well.

La Petite Acadienne Says:
March 21st, 2008 at 10:41 pm

Imagine his mother’s suprise when while, cleaning under his bed, Jeremiah’s mother discovered that while his schoolmates might bring home ladybugs, stray kittens, or tadpoles, little Jeremiah preferred to collect hobos.

Kudos, Godiva chocolate eggs, and nothing but the most soignée of imaginary fashion prizes to La Petite Acadienne! What shall we give her to mark her triumph over the challenge of the pyjama-sporting Burton and his warm-legged helpmeet whom I do not recall actually starring in Rent at any point…?

We shall award her these impeccably proper yet unmistakably sexy open-toed pumps from Givenchy:

That’s “Tim Burton,” not “Tuberculosis,” although you couldn’t tell to look at him, eh? Captions in the comments. No tears, no regrets, no standing downwind of these two on a warm day.

Cute, well-dressed kid though.