Some quotes from one of my favorite moms, Erma Bombeck…

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.

There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Two completely suprising (to me, anyway) fruits nabbed the top spots, with raspberries(!) coming in at number two and mangoes(!) coming in at number one.  Seriously, I never saw those coming.  I’ve got nothing against either one, especially in margarita form, but had no idea they were so popular in general.   Bananas came in third, and we had quite the few duking it out in a fourth place tie, including tomatoes, pears, avocadoes, and strawberries.  My personal favorite are tomatoes.  I love them in almost anything, except obviously something dessert-y.

Today I’m completely celeb-centric.

You may have already heard about the Alicia Silverstone video where she chews some food for her young son Bear and feeds it to him via her mouth as a bird would to their young.

Wow.

Talk about dedicated parenting.

All you lazy moms out there who selfishly watch as your kids chew their own food, you’ve been shown up something good!

I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m never going to rise to any Doocian levels of fame.

I just toil quietly here in my little corner of the blogosphere, riding the coattails of the boss, and simply hoping to brighten someone’s day, somewhere.

But then I found out that Kourtney Kardashian has a mommy blog.

Granted it’s a video blog, but it launched only a few days ago and already almost 3,000 people have fanned it on Facebook.

I’m not bitter or anything.

But I think I’ll retreat into the kitchen and drown myself in some spiked eggnog now.

No, not because her infant’s sunglasses probably cost more than my own.

It’s because she was able to actually PUT sunglasses on her offspring without him instantaneously trying to fling them off. Putting sunglasses on my toddlers is (or was, in the case of the Munchkin) like trying to put a bandanna on a cat. Nice in theory, but horrible in practice.  The clawing and yowling effects caused by said accessories are pretty much the same across species.  In my family, anyway.

Because it’s been a crapper of a week and I just don’t have it in me today.  But, I needed to give you something to get over the hump. And that something would be the adorable chubby cheeks of Laila Ali’s new baby, Sydney.  They just beg for someone to nom on them!

I’ve always thought that Cindy Crawford was flat-out gorgeous, and knew that there was probably no way that she could have unattractive offspring.
But my goodness.

That is some fabulous DNA going on in this picture, is there not?

I’ve got family-picture envy. 

I often get the “oh, your daughter looks JUST like you” but it is almost scary how much Cindy’s daughter looks like her.

I was born, raised, and still live in Southern California.  Yeah, I’m one of those people, wanna make something of it? I have never lived further than a half hour from the beach.  In high school, my friends and I practically lived at the beach during the summer.

And do you know what I’ve never seen in my life until today?

People in heels on the damn beach.

Leave it to Katie Holmes to blaze that trail.

I’ve kept my mouth shut on all the things that have kept her and Suri in the press, from midnight dinners to clutching X-rated candies.  Not a word from me. 

Let Suri take her shoes off, for the love of all that is holy.  She is at the BEACH.  It was not at all hot in Southern California this weekend, so there will be no theorizing that the sand was too hot to go shoeless.  That and all the other people in the picture have no shoes. 

One of the pleasures of going to the beach is the tactile feeling of walking on sand.  Feeling it beneath and between your toes, noting how it changes texture and temperature as you get closer to the water. 

I don’t care if they were at a party in a house prior to walking down the steps onto the beach.  That is where the parent is supposed to say, “Hey honey, let’s go walk on the beach!  Take off your shoes and let’s go!” Not “Yes, let us keep our fancy schmancy shoes on in the sand where the heels will sink in and we will get sand in our shoes, which is actually pretty uncomfortable and not much fun at all.”

Sheesh.

Or maybe crazily rich people don’t allow their, or their children’s, feet to touch something as common as sand.