He looks a whole lot beefier in doll form, doesn’t he?

Teen idols are NOT supposed to have doll versions of themselves just in time for the holidays.

They just aren’t.

If you are at an age where you are still playing with Barbies, then I’m not sure you should know exactly who Justin Bieber is or desire a plastic facsimile of him.

Because we all know the “experiments” done with dolls, and nothing good ever comes of those.

And if you are at an age when you are no longer playing with Barbies, then you owning the plastic version of the object of your affection is all sorts of wrong in more ways than I can count.

Although I do have to say they seem to have gotten the blank stare just right.

When Biebers attack!

News Anchor Barbie?

Rilly?

Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be a news anchor, but other than practicing how to read a teleprompter and having a killer workout routine, I’m not sure how aspirational the position is. 

I think I’m most disturbed, though, that the extremely technical-sounding Newborn Baby Doctor has a shorter skirt than the news anchor.

via

This actually came out a while ago (in time for Christmas, natch) and I meant to write about it, but somehow never got the chance.

Christian Louboutin, in collaboration with Mattel, came up with “Cat Burglar” Barbie.  Now, I know that most of the people who collect the more expensive dolls are not children, but still.   Cat Burglar?  I thought Barbie was supposed to be anything from a vet to an astronaut, but I never would have expected thief in a skin-tight leather bodysuit and Loubs.

And seriously, I don’t care if she has a better shoe collection than I do, this doll is ugly as hell.

This is Mattel’s immortalization of  Twilight’s Jacob Black.  You know, Werewolf Barbie.

It makes me uncomfortable in ways I have difficulty expressing.

Is it the fact that this is supposed to be targeted to tweens?

Is it the fact that the actor who plays Jacob Black is still a minor, yet is obviously being portrayed as a sex symbol with that eight-pack?

Or is it just that those cutoff jean shorts are so very dorky?  Or that he is wearing sneakers with no socks?

Some help here?

via Radar

Want the latest and greatest gifts for that wonderful girl in your life? Look no further, I’ve got them right here.

Interested in other hot toys for Xmas 2009? Go here!

Barbie Twilight Bella Doll and Barbie Twilight Edward Doll.  Oh yes, as if she hasn’t got enough Twilight merchandise in her life!

Nintendo DSi A high-powered handheld video game system in a sleek, folding design-loaded with features designed to create a unique gaming experience. Features include the ability to snap photos with built-in cameras, edit and send them to friends, play back your music with Nintendo DSi Sound, or browse the Internet with the Nintendo DSi Browser.

Zhu Zhu Pets. These are simply flying off the shelves. They have their own personalities, can purr, and can scoot around the floor on their own. But the beauty is, there’s no mess to clean up!

Disney Just One Kiss Princess Tiana Doll  From the newest Disney motion picture release comes the lovely Princess Tiana.  Re-enact key scenes from the movie, and her beautiful dress even has firefly lights all over it!

Peg Perego Polaris Trail Princess  This is definitely an expensive item, but has room for two, high performance steering, four-wheel suspension and automatic brakes. it even has SmartPedal Technology, which means there’s a 3-position variable accelerator for a smooth ride and increased riding time.

Tamagotchi Music Star. There are lots of different “skins” and colors to choose from on this popular, tiny electronic toy. Children raise their tamagotchi to be music stars, where they can then be in their own band and play their own music!

FAMPS starter kit What in the world is FAMPS? It stands for: feelings, attitudes, moods, personalities.  It is software for a PC that allows her to express herself through wallpaper, e-cards, avatars, and more!

Liv Girls Fashion Dolls Each Liv Doll comes with their own story and personality, and have 14 points of articulation for a more life-like look.  The dolls each come with a code to enter the online world of Liv Dolls as well.

Littlest Pet Shop Adoption Center The young pet lover in your home will be having plenty of fun with the Littlest Pet Shop Cozy Care Adoption Center, which teaches kids how to keep their pets well-fed, healthy, groomed, and happy in this multi-activity filled playset.

Mattel Dora Links Doll Plug the Dora Links doll into the computer and girls will have access to her online world. There, girls can help Dora and her friends solve mysteries through engaging game play that affects change in Dora’s world. Disguise Dora online by changing her hair length, eye color, jewelry, and more…and watch those changes magically appear on your Dora doll!

Little Mommy Baby Ah-Choo Doll Oh no, she’s sick!  Toddlers will love helping this cute doll feel all better!

I freely admit, I don’t get the Twilight phenomenon; but then, I’m not a 15-year-old girl, neither between the ears nor (sadly) anywhere else. It comes with entire clothing collections and no doubt enough broody posters to cover the surface of the Sun (thus solving that pesky turning into dust thing). But among the Undeadnoscenti, there will be great rejoicing at the news that the Undeadverse will be gifted with it’s very own version of Barbie and Ken: the Bella and Edward dolls.

Please, please, if your teenage daughter or your inner teenage self insists, buy these dolls if you must (we’re nothing if not servicey: Bella is here, and Edward is here, and they’re each over $150) , but PROMISE ol’ raincoaster here you’ll throw in a copy of one of Chelsea Quinn Yarbro Count Saint-Germain books for when she grows up and needs a REAL woman’s vampire. You can thank me later.

And you will. You will.

No, this isn’t about that interminable “reality” “star.” Anybody who makes me use quotation marks that flagrantly doesn’t deserve a post!

No, this is to announce the latest in what seems an endless stream of poorly-thought-out doll choices: Heidi Klum Barbie. It was sadly inevitable.

Now, remember, we were all in favour of the Angela Merkel Barbie, even wishing it would go into regular production instead of remaining some kind of tantalizing “hahaha, as IF we’d give you a role model” prototype. Instead, it must be said that we can’t really get behind this:

Although we can think of a lot of frat boys who’d like to try.