But, but…

Where is Jar-Jar?

I’m especially fond of young Jabba up there.

Comicscavern via Buzzfeed

Why can my son remember dozens of complicated video game instructions/executions but cannot remember to hang up his towel?

Why does it take him a half hour to get dressed to go get a haircut, but 10 seconds when a friend is knocking on the door to play?

Speaking of getting dressed, why does he wear pants and a long sleeved shirt when it is hot and shorts, flip-flops, and a tee when it is freezing outside?

How is it that he still cannot understand the concept of play clothes vs. good clothes and adjust accordingly?

He is capable of sitting for long periods of time to watch television, but must be reminded at least four times a week to plant his butt on the chair when he eats at the table.

When did he begin thinking that having combed hair was the height of uncoolness?

Or that being told to brush his teeth was not merely a suggestion?

Why is it when he wants something done it has to be this instant, but when I want something done I’m told, “Mo-oom, it’s not the end of the world, you know.”

Sigh.

At least eight more years of this, you say?

According to this article in the Washington Post, researchers

… found that a lack of sleep led not just to poor performance on tasks that require “innovative thinking, risk analysis, and strategic planning”—though studies have shown all those to be true—but also to increased deviant and unethical behavior in both groups. Examples included rudeness, inappropriate responses and attempts to take more money than they’d earned.

And that is why my friends who are also mothers of young children and I have decided to go ahead and form a posse.  We’re toying with the name “Bad Muthas” but someone else suggested “Bad Mamma Jammas” and I’m sure we’ll have an argument about it before the final decision.

We will go around town with our strollers, terrorizing the locals with our rude behavior.  Why, when we order something at the local Starbucks, we WILL not tip.  

Then when someone asks us about how our day is going, we will point to our “special snowflakes” and ask them how they think it is going when we have to deal with twenty pound dictators all day long.  We will then rough them up and take their wallet.

Membership in the posse will be terminated once your child starts sleeping through the night, no exceptions.

We can’t afford the chance that one of our number might act ethically due to getting enough sleep.

When you see the stroller brigade coming your way, be very afraid.

Maybe it is due to the year-round termperate weather where I live, but not a single one of you uses your garage as a rec/play room.  I suppose though, that we don’t have basements where I live either, so that might have something to do with it.  45% of you keep your car in the garage, mostly due to weather issues, and 33% just have “stuff.”  A couple I know keeps their $60,000+ car in the driveway so that they can keep their $5,000 (max) amount of stuff in the garage.  This, it makes no sense to me.  22% do not have a garage, and in a way, you are lucky because they are junk magnets, to be sure.  My husband was so proud of himself for clearing the garage this weekend and we actually have one of our cars inside of it! Whoo hoo!  Well, for him, anyway…

Today I want to find out how you feel about cleaning your home.

LL’s abs of steel need just one more victory to send him upwards into the CDF Hall of Fame.

Will this contender be the one to end his streak?

He is sort of known as being “Mr. Mariah Carey” but damn if he isn’t a cutie. He and his wife recently welcomed twins into their family. I will remain mute as to the choice of names. Hey, look at how well he wears a suit!

VERSUS

Well, it actually has already happened, as the toymaker who concocted the Bebe Gluton is now bringing the concept to American shores.

Introducing Breastmilk Baby!

I’m putting the video after the jump because there are some pictures of actual breastfeeding in the ad, so NSFW…

(more…)

My son will be nine years old in a few months.

I’m thinking it could be time for a bit of, ah, information dissemination on the topic of sex.  I say that whilst cringing at the thought, yet knowing it is more important that he receive factual information in a timely manner than indulging any squeamishness on my part. 

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

My mother never had “the talk’ with me.  She never had it with my sister, either.  As a result, my sister got her period one day and was convinced that she was dying.  She saw blood down there and was convinced that she was having internal hemorrhaging and began to write a will.  I got nothing, by the way.

So seeming to have learned that something needed to be done to spare me the same trauma as my sister, my mother bought me a book.  She didn’t present it to me and assure me that it was fine to ask her any questions.  Oh no, she sort of hid it in a place she knew I would find it, and so I picked it up thinking I was reading something I wasn’t supposed to.  Which made reading the book quite an experience as I thought I would get into trouble for reading it, as it mentioned all kinds of things that I thought would get me into trouble if I knew about them.

My mom was tricky like that.

I never told her I read it and she never asked, but it all worked out fine. 

I just want to be a bit more proactive about the whole thing than my mom was.  And goodness knows that kids learn so much at a much earlier age these days, most of it probably wrong. So I spoke with my husband  and he agreed that we should start off with a book and then he would do any heavy lifting in the questions department.

Lo and behold, the book my mother bought me back in the early 1980’s is still around!

I remember the book being funny and informative and not really embarrassing to read.  It covered a large range of topics in a friendly, informative manner.  And did I mention it was funny?

My copy is already on the way.

So there is this little tumblr creatively entitled Walk.

The entire premise of the blog is to show “how funny big kids look in little strollers.” Or at least that is what the (childless, natch) authors claimed when called out on Jezebel for being ah, a bit judgemental about parents who choose to place “big” kids in strollers.

I’m calling foul on this for a couple of reasons.

1) Don’t care if you are childless and having fun, somewhere there is a commandment that says “Judge not, lest ye find yourselves walking miles at Disneyland in their Nikes.”  Or something like that.

2) Did we mention that many of these pictures were taken at Disneyland?  Dude, when it comes to kids and walking around ALL BETS ARE OFF AT ANY DISNEY PROPERTY.  Period.

3) There are kids who look a lot older than they are.  Take my friend’s five year old daughter.  She is almost as tall as my eight year old, and often has people expecting her to act a certain way based solely on her height.  There’s also a commandment relating to books and covers.

4) The authors claim that they carefully “screen” their victims candidates for disabilties, by you, know, looking at them. Because we all know how easy it is to recognize a disability just by looking at someone.

I think what saddens me the most is that they have over a thousand likes on Facebook. 

Hide behind the all in good fun excuse all you like, but I think this is just plain mean.