This is apparently a Halloween costume.  She’s nine years old.

Can you believe it?  Michael Hutchence, sexy badass, got his booty kicked by sexy badass Bruce Willis.  Not what I was expecting at all.  It seems you all have a similar fondness for Moonlighting.  Or maybe it was the Die Hards.  Either way, Bruce came out on top.

Today, we’ve got a very 80’s retro throwback, a one Mr. Magnum P.I.  This picture was taken back when chest hair was in.  Remember those times?  They seem so very long ago.

VERSUS

Yes, I know it’s supposed to be called H1N1, but that just does not have the same ring to it, does it?

I’ve tried to stay relatively calm, though it’s a little hard when there are headlines screaming at you that “PREGNANT WOMEN AMONG HIGHEST MORTALITY RATES DUE TO SWINE FLU” and the like.

At first, I didn’t know exactly why we were at so much more risk than everyone else, and then I finally read that it was because the baby decreases your lung capacity, which makes a secondary infection of pneumonia more likely.

Great.

And then there is just the seeming randomness of whom the flu strikes. Some people have to stay in bed for a few days, yet others, similarly healthy, find themselves in the hospital. I think that’s what bothers me the most.

Even though they told me that I would be getting the vaccine in mid-September, I’ve yet to receive it. And as a person in one of the highest-risk groups, you would have thought I would have gotten it by now. Which really sort of annoys me, because it’s going to be too late by the time it does arrive, and I would have liked for my baby to develop the antibodies from it as well. The antibodies for her would be limited, but at least it would be something. I’m not a vaccine-avoider, which I think too many people are.

So far, only the Munchkin has gotten vaccinated, and that is only of a certain value because he has to be vaccinated twice, and won’t be able to get the second one until late November.

All I’m reading in the newspapers is how widespread the flu is in pretty much every state, and it’s only a matter of time. Makes me sort of want to not go anywhere in public, you know?  There’s got to be some sort of bubble I can rent and travel around in.

In the meantime, my husband and I are still waiting, as it is still important that we get vaccinated even after our daughter arrives, since as an infant, her immune system will be underdeveloped.

Way to go CDC! Way to completely drop the ball!

I’m thinking of making this a feature here on Teeny Manolo, because it seems I heartily dislike quite a few things.

And instead of going to therapy or taking some Zoloft, I will instead vent about it in this space and make myself feel better.  For free!

I have seen this commercial numerous times, and with each consecutive viewing, my loathing of the message increases tenfold.

Kelly Ripa, I think you are as cute as a button, but damn girl, you are rich!  You don’t need some lousy applicances to make your life easier! If I had your bank account, I would simply hire people to do all of this for me, rather than flying around the house like an elf on crack.

When you see him with his kids. And aren’t they handsome?

I remember when the Munchkin was born, the hottest thing for babies was the “Baby Einstein” DVD set. Actually, I wasn’t really aware of them until my mother brought them up, and told me that there was a set of ten available at Costco, and did I want them?

Well, as the sleep-deprived mother of an infant, I said yes. But really, who says no to free stuff for their kid?

I read the promotional materials that accompanied the DVD’s, all of which claimed that simply by watching puppets do things to classical music, your baby would become smarter.

Seriously.

To be honest, the Munchkin really did love watching those things, and I will admit that I would put one on when I needed to go to the bathroom or take care of something really important. I tried to limit his time with them, which I think I did successfully.

I  watched all of them at some point, and I remember wondering why in the world these particular skits with puppets and things floating around the screen would make my child smart. I know that classical music has been shown to aid logical thought processes, but that was about where the educational value of those DVD’s began and ended.

Did anyone truly think they were raising their child’s IQ? And if they did, were they also the kind of parents who made their in utero baby listen to classical music via headphones? Or read Voltaire out loud, hoping that by osmosis, their baby would somehow pick it up?

Ah, the vulnerabilities of the new parent!  In this competitive day and age, it seems they will stop at nothing to gain even the slightest advantage over other people, even subjecting their children to nonsensical, non-verbal, hand-made hand puppets that make the Muppets look extremely high-tech.

It seems that quite a few people did think these DVD’s were magic, and now due to pressure from a child’s advocacy group, they are offering a refund for up to four of the DVD’s, no receipt required.  It says that the videos had to be purchased after 2004, but I’m hoping they aren’t really going to look, since mine were purchased in 2003.

It certainly doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s an offer well worth taking advantage of.

Last week’s poll asked if you thought the Heene (aka Balloon Boy and brothers) children should be taken away from their parents, based on your knowledge of them. Forty percent of you said you didn’t know enough to make that decision, but thirty-one percent of you said yes, they should be taken away.

I’m torn, because I know that foster care certainly isn’t a great solution, but on the other hand, it seems these parents are pretty much willing to do anything to seek fame, which isn’t exactly the best of parenting examples.

As for today, I want to see what you think of tanning salon laws for minors. Some states have strict laws, others have hardly any. You can go here to see a breakdown by state.