All right, I was trying not to talk about some of the crazy-ass names that celebrities have been coming up with lately, but Ellen Pompeo’s choice was the straw that broke Glinda’s back. And that saying is apt, because at this point, I sort of look like a reverse camel, with the big bump being on the tummy instead of on the back. I hope that makes sense. It makes sense to me, but lately, that isn’t saying a whole lot.
First, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden’s choice of name for their son made me do a mental double-take. Sparrow? Are they for serious? As in tiny, frail, ubiquitous brown bird? I read somewhere that some (most likely) self-proclaimed “naming expert” praised them for their originality and inventiveness, saying that since Captain Jack Sparrow’s name was, well, Sparrow, that suddenly Sparrow stands for manliness. Sorry to break it to everyone, but no, it does not. Hearing the word sparrow brings images of a beady-eyed, greedy little thing that likes to pick up other people’s discarded popcorn and whatnot off the ground.
And as for Ellen, her choice was somewhat literary, but confusing nonetheless. Is she not aware of the extremely famous and popular book Stellaluna? You know, the one about the bat? Granted, she is a lovely and wonderful bat, but still a bat nonetheless. Yes, that is exactly the mental picture I want everyone to have in mind when they say my name. It’s like naming your child “Ramona Quimby Pompeo” or “Harriet the Spy Pompeo.” It just doesn’t work.
At least we have Sarah Michelle Prinze, who chose the almost old-fashioned Charlotte Grace. Count at least one child of actor parents who will not have to face life with some crazy name their parents decided to saddle them with in the name of “art” or “creativity.”