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Archive for December 16th, 2008

An Open Letter to Mattel

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
By Glinda


Dear Mattel,

I heard about your recent court victory against the makers of Bratz dolls for copyright infringement. Congratulations!

From what I understand, as early as February 11 of 2009, you will have complete control over the Bratz line. You can legally do whatever you wish with the line of vampy dolls with big lips and even bigger attitudes hated by parents the world over. Because even though Barbie is anatomically incorrect, at least she doesn’t look like she could be carrying a shank.

If you don’t mind, I have what I think is a superior marketing tactic that will blow you away with its genius.

I propose that Mattel hold what I call “Bratz Bonfires.” That’s right. Mattel has a once-in-a-lifetime chance to bond with communities, and more importantly, potential Barbie customers. Every major city can hold their own “Bratz Bonfire” and it can be a night of hot cocoa, popcorn, and watching those little tramps burn.

Every pre-teen can experience the thrill of throwing her Bratz doll into the growing heap, and who doesn’t love participating in a countdown? Especially one that will result in flames! After holding hands and singing campfire songs as the plastic melts, (you may want to provide optional breathing masks) you can give out a free Barbie promotional item. I mean, I don’t even have a daughter, but I would so totally go to something like that.

Of course, this means that the molds of the Bratz must be destroyed, never to sully a Target shelf again. I urge you to resist the temptation to make money, and instead, think of the children.


Celebrity Kid Trend Report

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
By raincoaster

Jayden = Out

Jaded = In

Hef Jr and Hef Jr get their dress sense from Dad all else from Mom

In possibly the most delicious Oedipal rejection in celebrity spawn history, Hugh Hefner’s sons have publicly rejected their doddering sire’s notoriously hedonistic lifestyle.

“I’m not going to have multiple girlfriends — not at the same time,” 18-year-old Marston Hefner says in the January issue of Playboy. “I can’t imagine that…”

Cooper also says growing up in the Playboy mansion is overrated.

“They don’t get it when you say, ‘There’s nothing to do there,'” he says. “But when you live here and come here every single day, you see the same things.

“Anybody else would be like, ‘Let’s go see monkeys!’ But I don’t want to see monkeys,” he goes on. “I’d rather go bowling than play with monkeys.”

Which filial rejection, one notes, does not prevent them from posing for magazines in Grandpa Dad’s classic outfit of silk PJs and velvet smoking jacket. Which is fine by me, as they are decorative to look at and anything‘s better than yet another teenager in a hipster t-shirt and skinny jeans.

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