Do you miss the feeling of that umbilical cord?

Would you like to be able to control your teen, even when they are miles and miles away?

Does the thought of annoying them to no end fill you with a perverse sense of pleasure?

Then the new Ford MyKey might just be for you. You see, MyKey is short for “I used to be a teenager myself, I know exactly what you are doing in that car!” Well, the press release didn’t say that exactly, but here at the Manolosphere, we are granted some poetic license. And trust me, teenagers are going to want a poetic license more than a driver’s license when they find out what MyKey does. Or more specifically, what MyKey doesn’t allow them to do.

Does your teen enjoy thumping around the neighborhood, shaking everyone’s windows to the bass line of the new Rihanna tune? Sorry, MyKey only allows the stereo to go up to 44% of its volume.

Does your teen hate buckling those pesky seat belts? No stereo for you!

Do they love to feel the wind in their hair as they drive around town? Well, they had better find a maximum of 80mph’s worth of wind enjoyable, or they’re out of luck.

Just think, by the time the Munchkin is ready to drive in about ten years, technology will have advanced to the point where I can beam a hologram of myself into the car and boom over the speakers, “Stop it this instant, young man!”

Never let it be said that TeenyManolo is not on top of the trends. Forget sub-prime mortgages; we’ve found you the very latest in surefire hawt investment vehicles!

A mere 48 hours after we brought you our groundbreaking Poohsticks Championship exposé, we can report that the value of Winnie the Pooh portraits and works from the school of Pooh have skyrocketed in price. This humble dinner party sketch, estimated to fetch a mere 20,000 pounds sterling, was in fact auctioned off for 31,200 pounds ($50,000).

And you can still get in on the Pooh-laden action!

From Reuters:

The sale in London on December 17, which also includes a selection of rare Milne books, is expected to fetch 650-930,000 pounds.

The illustrations, from the collections of Stanley J. Seeger and Christopher Cone, are among the most recognizable, including “He went on tracking, and Piglet … ran after him” depicting Pooh and Piglet turning to each other as they walk away.

It is expected to fetch 40-60,000 pounds.

Also on offer is “Bump, bump, bump – going up the stairs” featuring Christopher Robin dragging his bear by the leg up the stairs beside him. It is valued at 50-70,000 pounds.

If you listen closely, you can hear piggybanks all over the world being emptied. And the word on the street is that Eeyore will be ringing the opening bell for the NYSE any day now.