You couldn’t make it easy on me. Noooooo, you couldn’t just bring me George Stephanopoulis for my Labour Day long weekend and get it over with, could you? Oh, fine!

You want to win on merit alone? Okay with me. But next time I’m going to up the bribe ante to… I dunno, Anderson Cooper? We could watch classic movies and drink Martinis and bitch about our friends. Sigh.

In a heated contest in which seemingly everyone except me took the high road, we have a winner:

Elizabeth Says:
September 1st, 2008 at 11:30 pm

It’s amazing, next to John McCain EVERYBODY looks like a little kid!

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Elizabeth! With what patriotic hypothetical shall we gift her? How about a rather sexy reminder of the importance of national security, the Juicy Couture padlock leather bracelet:

I attended private schools until 12th grade, which spared me from the horrors that seem to be school cafeteria lunches. We had monthly “Hot Dog Days” in which we were supposed to be very excited about paying a quarter for a cold hot dog and a bag of chips. It was purported to be a fundraiser, but I have my doubts.

In high school, on Mondays and Wednesdays we were allowed to purchase sandwiches provided by a local restaurant. Then there was the lunch truck experiment. They thought it would be a good idea to bring a lunch truck on campus, which would promptly be swarmed by a hundred or more hungry teenaged girls. The lunch truck didn’t last long, but not because of the futility of trying to feed so many people in twenty minutes. No, it was for an entirely different reason. You see, the owners had to give up because they were being robbed blind by a bunch of relatively well-off Catholic girls. Nice.

Based on these pictures of honest-to-goodness cafeteria food provided by a school district in Virgina, the school should have instituted mandatory cafeteria food right then and there. That would have taught ’em.

One order of food issues, coming right up!

via Holy Taco