Ten Reasons I’m Not a Soccer Mom
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008By Glinda
The other day I categorized myself as a “soccer mom.”
Actually, I would like to retract that statement. That statement was written for satirical purposes only. There are many, many soccer moms around here, and I know exactly what they are like.
I happen to think that I don’t qualify as a soccer mom, and here’s why.
10. I’m simply too lazy to be running around all the time.
9. I don’t own a honkingly large SUV or minivan which renders me unable to park properly.
8. I don’t have a cell phone on which I can chat obnoxiously. Well, technically I do, but my husband has it all the time so it doesn’t count.
7. My child only attends one extracurricular activity. No Mandarin or violin lessons over here. But the Munchkin has approximately 3,000 Legos, which has to count for something, right?
6. I’m not upper class. At least, I’m not sure if I am. However, I’m of the mind that it runs along the same principle of finding out what something costs. If you have to ask, then you aren’t.
5. I don’t drink coffee, which kicks me out of the club right there.
4. I don’t wear my high heeled boots and designer outfits, complete with matching purse and sunglasses, when I take my son to his lone activity.
3. I’m pretty sure my house isn’t clean enough, big enough, or decorated well enough.
2. Politicians don’t care what I think.
1. My kid doesn’t play soccer.