Lazy Parenting Award: Part Cinq
By Glinda
When my son has tee ball practice, I set up my little folding chair, and either chat with another parent or read a book. Today was a reading day, and at one point I happened to look up at the team as they were lined up to run relays around the bases.
Much to my surprise, one of the boys simply walked up to another who was waiting patiently for his turn, grabbed him by the shoulders and literally threw him to the ground. It wasn’t because the thrower was bigger or stronger than the throwee, it was just that the throwee wasn’t expecting someone to walk up and attack him for no good reason. I can totally understand that, I wouldn’t have expected it either.
Dad of thrower is standing near me, and says not a word to his thrower son. And this is not the first or even the second time that thrower boy has done this to people. The dude is a serial thrower.
Silent Dad, you get the Lazy Parenting AwardTM for your “boys will be boys” atttitude and not telling your aggressive son to knock it the heck off.
Boys, much like lion or tiger cubs, are absolutely into horsing around. However, unless the horsing around is a mutually agreed upon activity, it shouldn’t happen. Just the other day the Munchkin and a friend of his were in a bounce house and doing exactly the same Wrestlemania moves on each other. However, they were landing on a soft surface, and by the dual set of giggles, you could tell it was all in good fun. When they started to get a bit out of control, they were told to cool it. And they did.
But, violence for the simple sake of violence is not to be excused as simply “boy” behavior. I resent people like Silent Dad, because then I am forced to tell my son to be on his guard for cretins such as that and never let anyone throw him to the ground just because it seemed like a really good idea at the time. These kids are five and six years old and already there is a fight for dominance in the pack. Ridiculous.
It is people like Silent Dad who perpetuate the cycle of bullying, threats, and general dominant idiot behavior that can be so harmful to the psyches of children.
And I have to say that even though I’m a pacifist at heart, a tiny part of me would rather like to throw Silent Dad on the ground one day and see just how he likes it. He’s kind of wimpy, and with the element of surprise on my side, I bet I could do it, too.
Bad Glinda. Bad, bad Glinda.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am
Shame, shame on Lazy Dad. I suspect his son’s behavior may have been learned from said useless parent. That being said, in this situation I consider it totally socially appropriate for the ladylike Glinda to shout “Hey, Thrower Boy, knock it off! The Munchkin’s not bothering you!” If his father won’t teach him some manners, someone else will have to. If Lazy Dad protests, tell him you didn’t raise your son to be anybody’s punching bag and Thrower Boy should look elsewhere for his jollies.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:39 am
Hubby was in just such a situation at the barber shop last weekend. Our son had gotten his haircut and was sitting quietly eating a lollipop while Hubby got his hair cut. In walks another dad with two kids, one of whom loudly announces it’s his birthday and he’s four. Same as our son. So birthday boy and his sister walk over to my son and start talking to him, but B doesn’t want to answer their questions and ignores them (later he said he told them no). Then the other four-year-old starts hitting him on the head, not hard, but still. Dad never said a word to him. Finally, Hubby spoke up and asked him to stop touching B and the shop manager suggested they sit in another spot. When Hubby and B left, the lazy Dad got up and started posturing and entering Hubby’s space. No words wer spoken, but the intimidation was obvious. I’m not a very rigorous parent, but I would never let my child get away with that kind of behavior, but it’s obvious from the Dad’s response where he learned it.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:50 am
No, Glinda, I don’t think your instinct is “bad.” Your desire to knock bully-dad over is an expression of the desire to make his kid behave in a socially acceptable manner, which is not inappropriate. While I would pay money to see you take him out (I think it would be hysterical), I agree that it would not be the most effective method of achieving your desired ends.
I don’t know what would be the best method; there is the snappy aside–“Pardon me sir, but I think I just saw your son throwing people around out there. Would you like me to stop him, or will you?” or some such, though I’m not real happy with this formulation, as it puts you in a potential confrontation with the dad.
Ideally the baseball COACH would catch the misbehavior, and send the offending child to run laps or do push-ups. (My dad coached my soccer team for a while, and misbehaving children were sent to do laps.)
If none of these avail, I think the best method is to teach your son self-defense. Tae kwan do, or some other defense-oriented martial arts. Not to teach your son to hit back, but how to either block or get out of the way, or at a minimum fall without getting hurt (or get pushed and end up on his feet). Nothing stops a bully as quickly as being embarrassed when an attempt at intimidation backfires.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
I have to reiterate that it wasn’t the Munchkin who got thrown. If it HAD been, I assure you that I would have done something. I don’t know what, but something.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Oh you need to make a big stink over this – this kid will only be trouble, especially since his his father is an accomplice. Go straight to the coach and complain! It could just as easily been your son who was the victim, and next time it might be (and there will be a next time, trust me.)
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I’d walk over to the little bully, lift him up by his belt loops, and give him a stern, but very quiet in a Christoper-Walken-doesn’t-need-to-raise-his-voice way, lecture. If nothing else, it’ll freak the dad out so badly he’ll encourage his son to behave better just so that in the future strange women don’t emasculate the two of them right there on the diamond. Seriously, it will freak the dad out and the behavior will change. No need to become violent when you can simply use social engineering to achieve the same thing. Unfortunately, in our world there is no shame, but there is plenty of fear you can play on.
This is not just bravado. The last kid I treated that way actually turned out to be a decent kid experimenting with bad behavior and he and the little guy I was looking after became best friends…after I rebuked him for bullying. And he thought I was the coolest grown-up he’d ever seen.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
Oops, my mistake. I was really sleep deprived when I read this post and humbly ask your pardon. That being said, someone still needs to stand up to Lazy Dad and Bully Boy. It’s a moral imperative!
April 4th, 2008 at 2:40 am
I talked to the coach about it, and he said he has only been able to see the “aftereffects” of the throwing and has not been able to catch him in the act. So, I might be a bitchy mom or whatever, but at least I relayed my concerns. Which is more than can be said for Silent Dad, who apparently has no concerns at all.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:56 am
So the kid is actually leaving BRUISES? Thank god you said something. Now the coach has no excuse not to take action next time.