Geekdom is in mourning, ladies and gentlemen: Gary Gygax, creator of Dungeons and Dragons, the granddaddy of all role-playing games, has failed his saving throw against death and not so much as a Resurrection spell will bring him back. The geek world is a little smaller and a lot less interesting today.
People are so competitive! They have to have a nicer car, better grades, newer clothes, flashier jewelry. And now they’re even getting competitive about something which cannot be improved upon, for lo, it is perfect.
We speak, of course, of the Cadbury’s Easter Creme Egg.
Perhaps the crowning achievement of British gastronomy, this exquisite delicacy is justly renowned for its unmatchable ability to deliver massive quantities of silky fats and sugary goodness to the gaping maw of the eager consumer. Is this not enough?
No, apparently not: one reckless sugar junkie has seen fit to up the stakes and, yes, pimp it!
Pimp My Cadbury’s Easter Creme Egg:
After deciding to get pimping it took us about five seconds to plump for a Cadburys Creme Egg. We decided not to let the fact that it had been pimped before put us off because we thought we could make the Creme de la Creme Egg!
The ingredients:
1.5 kg of Cadburys Milk Chocolate
3lbs of granulated sugar
2 x 140 g bottles of liquid glucose
vanilla extract
red food colouring
yellow food colouringOur first challenge was obtaining out of season Creme Eggs for comparison and mid-pimp snacking but that was solved thanks to the internet. Three days later we were the proud owners of 48 of them!
And it goes on from there, pictograph by fat-clotted pictograph. We post this only as a warning to those who see no harm in a little one-upmanship. To those who file such blasphemy under “just a little fun.” Indeed, Easter is one of the holiest holidays of the Christian calendar, and constructing a bloated replicant of the magnificent Easter Creme Egg is no way to remember this solemn occasion.
Jesus, my friends, is no size queen.
For you, the Nile does not merely represent a river in Egypt.
If a teacher was to talk to you after class one day and inform you that your little Beaufort was seen by no less than 10 people hitting another student, your reaction would be, “My baby?My baby could have never done something like that! My sweet, poor Beaufort would never even hurt a fly!”
Even as you are saying this, young Beaufort is glaring at the person who ratted him out and indicating the type of punishment they will receive for their betrayal.
You, my Lazy Parenting Award WinnerTM, are in denial.
Your child is an island of perfect behavior in the midst of a roiling sea of ruffians.
Your child always does his homework, never tells a lie, and never causes an iota of trouble.
And yet, you can never fathom those funny looks in your direction, the quick “shuffle of avoidance” at functions, or why playdates are few and far between.
It is difficult for all parents to hear “bad” things about their child. No one wants to believe that their kid would hit a younger child in school, or that they haven’t been doing their homework. However, a non-lazy parent listens with respect to the bearer of the bad news, questions as necessary, and then steels themselves for the task at hand.
Which normally is to correct the behavior that needs correcting.
But not you, Lazy Parent Award WinnerTM!
Conspiracy theorists have nothing on you. The world is simply waging a vicious vendetta upon your angel sweetie-poo, and you as their guardian will stop at nothing to prove their innocence.
Well, you’d better get used to defending your kid, because you’re going to need a lot of practice!