Listmania! New Year’s Resolutions for Underachievers
By Glinda
I am proud to present my annual list of resolutions for those who could be described as a personality type residing a bit further down the alphabet. For those who find all that mumbo jumbo about getting fit, lowering credit card debt, and being more conscientious about cleaning the house to be just too much effort.
1. Wake Up Every Morning. Doing this successfully gives you that psychological boost you need to keep up with the rest of your resolutions. I mean, when day number 354 rolls around, how many people can honestly say they stuck to their resolution every day of the year? Not many, my friends, not many.
2. Drink More of Something. Whether it be water, green tea, or vodka tonic, surely there is something we should all drink more often.
3. Eat Less of Something. If you usually can mow through an entire can of Pringles in one sitting, as long as you stop one chip short of finishing the can, you’re good. Same with a bag of M&M’s. Or that carton of Ben & Jerry’s. You get the picture.
4. Be Able to Run Faster Than at Least Two Other People. And if that means hanging out with 1 1/2 and 6474 year olds all the time, then so be it. At least you will know that you have the ability to outrun somebody, and that makes you feel good inside.
5. Educate Yourself. Learn Latin, the secrets of making really cool balloon animals, how to churn butter, or countless other skills to improve your daily life. Remember, learning is always an adventure!
6. Try New Things. Making those reservations at that Michelin 4-star restaurant, deciding to part your hair a different way, or sleeping on the opposite side of the bed. They all count.
7. This List is Already Too Long and Too Much Work, so There is No Number Seven!
8. Avoid Movies that Will Make You Cry. Life is hard enough, do we really need to pay good money to be emotionally manipulated to weep at fictional stories? 2008 is the year to stop the insanity!
9. Get Out More. “Getting out” could be defined by some as attending the theater more often. To others, it could be simply opening your front door and sitting on the lawn. How far you take this one is up to you.
10. Your turn!
December 30th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Fabulous! I resolve to do enough laundry so I always have clean clothes to wear. As I could go weeks before running out, I’m sure I’ll be successful.
December 30th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Great resolutions. My resolution is to pick a specific reading time for the boys. I will often go in spurts when reading to them and occasionally there are a few days between books.
December 30th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
I liked the ‘eat less of something’, and I hereby resolve to eat less liver. Wait, that’s impossible, because I hate the stuff and don’t eat ANY of it now, so how could I eat less of it? Hmmm.
December 30th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
My resolution is not to make lists of 28 things to get done every day. 27 is just fine, LOL.
Happy New Year to Teeny Manolo. Keep up the good work!
December 31st, 2007 at 3:06 am
What about “wake up every afternoon?” I could work with that.
December 31st, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Glinda – I’ve got the answer for you on the “eat less”…. go and buy the tiny cans o’ Pringles. You can STILL eat the whole can but its a much smaller can. Ta Dah! You are still accomplishing something!!!
Happy New Year!!!