Our own version of BoingBoing’s patented Unicorn Chaser.

We’ve had some complaints about the post below this (and it is indeed strong stuff if you came here looking for tips on back to school shopping), so we are offering, in lieu of smelling salts, recourse to our #1 favorite mindwash of all time: the ever-popular, mindless, yet irresistible force of nature that is We Like tha Moon, by the Spongmonkeys (and no, that’s not a spelling mistake). This is so strange, yet so cute in a Terry Gilliam Was My Babysitter kind of way, that it gets both the “That’s Just Wrong” tag and the “The Cuteness Abounds” tag.

Toddlers like this song even better than stoners do. Not that I know any stoners. Oh, perish the thought!

And lookie: here’s the lyrics.

We like the moon
coz it is close to us.
We like the MOOOOOON!
But not as much as a spoon
coz that’s more use for eating soup
and a fork isn’t very useful for that
unless it has got many vegetables
and then you might be better off with a chopstick.
Unlike the moon
It is up in the sky
It’s up there very high
but not as high as maybe dirigibles or zeppelins
or lightbulbs
and maybe clouds
and puffins also I think maybe they go quite high too
maybe not as high as the moon.
Coz the moon is very high.
We like tha moon
Tha moon is very useful everyone.
Everybody like the moon.
Because it light up the sky as night and it lovely and it make the tide go
and we like it
but not as much as cheese.
We really like cheese
we like zeppelins
We really like them
and we like kelp
and we like moose
and we like deer
and we like marmots
and we like all the fluffy animals.
We really like tha moon.

Yes, TeenyManolo is rapidly becoming the Internet’s #1 go-to site for the very latest in Baby Hater news. In this case, we bring you news of a couple of not-so-much-Baby-Haters as Kids-of-All-Ages-Haters, dream couple Kip and Dana Smith.

Not tasers, nor automatic weapons; in this case, they are alleged to have used the rather hillbillyesque electric cattle prod.

I’m sure you’re well aware of the “it’s a Freudian response to my upbringing” excuse, and surely these two must have some backstory; why, their parents couldn’t even be bothered to pay enough attention to give them gender-specific names. Maybe they’re brother and sister? It’s no wonder they’re messed up, poor things!

Funny, he doesn’t look Preppy.

Let’s go to the transcript:

Officers say the incidents happened in June and July. They say the couple repeatedly used an electric hand-held cattle prod on the boys, who are ages 12 and 14.

Officers also say Kip Smith struck the victims with a cane across the buttocks and legs back in March.

If you happen to be near 398 New Bridge Road, Aiken, South Carolina any time soon, do drop in and say hello to this fun couple and let them know they made the blog!

Since they’re out on bail, I’m sure they can’t be too hard to find, nudge, nudge.

more at twiigs.com…

Longtime TeenyManolo readers will recall our play-by-play of the first round of the hotly-contested (and, apparently, hyphen-generating) playoffs in the international Drop the Baby league. Indeed, as with the great Secretariat winning the Belmont in ’73, who could forget the way the untouchable Britney effortlessly pulled ahead of upstart newbie Kat(i)e HolmesCruiseBot? An easy win for a truly legendary thoroughbred.

Here are two fresh competitors late out of the gate, but who show great promise. While it’s true that neither Gwen Stefani nor Larry Birkhead have actually dropped the baby (subject to updates TK) we figure between his habits and her heels, it’s just a matter of time. Let’s break down the challenges these two represent, shall we?

First up, Golden Gwen Stefani out of Orange County, California, whose husband so ably displayed secure baby-handling technique all this week at the fashion shows. Realizing that such attention to baby safety and anti-splat measures is directly antagonistic to the paparazzi-attracting imperative, Gwen decided to take teeny, adorable things into her own hands.

Kingston: I like that Kingston is rocking the Seventies headphones; he’s probably grooving to some totally happenin’ Steely Dan right at this very moment. And his sweatshirt and coordinated bright (easy to find if dropped) pacifier are cute, although low-rider jeans are not a good idea on anyone who wears a diaper. A full Pampers is not exactly a jeweled thong, you know? Decent enough shoes, not the foot-truncating ballet flats of the earlier appearance.

Gwen: THOSE SHOES! These are, without question, the highest shoes yet to make an appearance in Drop the Baby. She needs oxygen at that altitude! An excellent choice for round two, really ramping it up and showing that this challenger is one not afraid to make the daring, if painful, stretch. While not unacquainted with flats, she knows this is what it takes to catch the leaders and she’s willing to do what it takes, whatever it takes. Brava.

That dress! Seriously, folks, it’s pretty and it fits and I heart well-made pave sequin fabric and all (oh, no-one hearts it more than me!) but if she actually does drop the baby some day, it’s either say ah, hellwithit and just let him BASE jump from that height or show everyone in the world exactly where babies come from.

Gavin: Who cares what he’s wearing, he’s hawt! He’d look best nekkid.

Note: Stefani loses points because despite a solid effort, she, in fact and in actuality, failed to drop the baby.

On to the second challenger.

Boy, this guy doesn’t fool around, does he?

Round Two: Birkhead!