All right, even though Joan is going to hate me for doing this, I have to talk about Halloween costumes.

Why, you may ask?

Because if my grocery store is already setting up their Halloween candy display, that means I am now allowed to broach the subject. And all you moms know that the longer you hold off buying your child’s costume, the more likely it is you will wind up with something that was popular three years ago in a size too small. I speak the truth. It’s ugly and I know you don’t want to hear it, but deep down you know I’m right.

As I was trolling around the vast internets, I saw some truly frightening costumes out there, especially for infants. Like this:

Now, there are almost too many things going on here. I suppose I could do a “Child of the Corn” joke, but I’m sure you saw that coming from a mile away. Actually, I’m kinda speechless. That the model is in fact a doll is totally creeping me out. But in all seriousness, this is not a quality costume, it looks like it was thrown together as a middle school Home Ec project. Scratch that, I am insulting all Home Ec-enrolled middle schoolers. You just don’t want to be forced into buying this because there’s nothing left, do you?

And please, for the love of all that is holy, do not do this to your sweet, precious infant:

Yes, yes, the image is rather grainy, but do you really expect quality photography from a company that suggests you dress your child as a whoopee cushion?

Now, I think I need to do some sort of deep breathing excercises to get the image of that doll out of my brain.

Now it can be told…

Halle Berry once occupied the treadmill next to my friend Zahid for a full hour, and he, in his particular way, noticed. Men are so competitive! Yes, this black chick (unusual in Vancouver, unless Somali FOB and thus unlikely to inhabit the gym, as the robes get caught in the belt) was not only keeping pace with him, but actually going measurably harder than him. And my friend, whose pride is not inconsequential, yet is open to correction, decided to engage this intimidating Amazon in conversation.

So he did.

And after the better part of an hour of who he was, what he did, how he’d helped the various tribes renegotiate their treaties with the Canadian government, etc, etc, you know how men are but she seemed interested and asked all the questions but eventually he got to feeling guilty for doing all the talking and he said, “but enough about me. Tell me about yourself!”

“Well, my name is Halle, and I’m an actor,” said the woman who was even then taking in several million for starring in Catwoman.

And he silently went, “D’oh!”

In unrelated news, here is a photo of Halle Berry rocking her newly-announced pregnancy, and it must be said that few rock it better or harder. She looks, to my unpracticed eye, farther along than three months, but she looks dead hot.

I’m not so all about the visible nips, nor the unexplained diagonal tension points on the outfit (I suppose it’s avant-garde) but I love the draping and the tightness and the fact that this reveals an unabashedly preggo body, in flats. She’s not going for a win in the Drop the Baby stakes!

Yes, she’s pregnant; yes, she’s the superfantastic!