I bought you an outfit that I thought would look cute.
It was a three piece Calvin Klein, with jeans, a shirt, and a soft, furry vest.
I squealed upon seeing the furry vest, as it seems I have a weakness for children wearing fuzzy things. Your grandmother had bought you a different outfit with a similar vest, and people could not get enough of you in it.
So the other night when we went to the baseball game, I thought the weather was perfect for your CK ensemble, as you’d never worn it before. It was the perfect combination of semi-warm but not too warm, and I lovingly tucked your jeans into your adorable furry little boots that matched your vest perfectly.
I thought nothing of your outfit until I saw you walking with your dad about twenty feet away from me. That distance gave me an entirely new perspective.
Your jeans had detailing on the back pockets I hadn’t noticed before, which made me uncomfortable. And they definitely qualified as “skinny” jeans. The vest looked chic, but a little too grownup for an 18 month old. And the worst was your boots, which looked more like Uggs than anything else. Good lord, they weren’t supposed to look like Uggs! How did I not see the resemblance?
And Calvin Klein? What the hell was I thinking? They are the ones who famously stood between a teen Brooke Shields and er, nothing.
I solemnly promise on my Complete Works of Shakespeare never to dress you like a college sorority girl again.
Until maybe you are one, but that’s at least a good eighteen years away.