The Cupcake Needs to Stage a Coup
September 11th, 2007By Glinda
Do you like cupcakes? I like cupcakes. In fact, I don’t know anybody that doesn’t. Especially kids. Even if they won’t eat the cake part, the icing is always a goner.
Via Serious Eats we learn that school districts across this great land of ours are having our kids “Just Say No.”
Glinda, you ask, what are they saying “no” to? Drugs? Alcohol? My friends, the answer is that they are learning the dangers of a food that is the root of all evil, the cupcake. Sure it looks all sweet and innocent, but lurking beneath that yummy exterior is a lifetime of obesity! Cupcakes are a gateway food, didn’t you know?
It seems that with all the warranted concern over childhood obesity and rising Type II diabetes in children, schools are now looking to ban sweet treats in school. Even for special occasions such as a birthday.
I can see it now, “Boys and girls, it’s Natasha’s birthday, so her mom brought us all brussels sprouts and cabbage!” Can you hear the shouts of joy? I thought not.
I understand that with larger class sizes now being the norm (hey, why not a ban on that?) bringing treats to class for a birthday can result in what seems like many days of sugar-and-butter-fueled parties.
And yet again, we as a nation try to blame the majority of our societal ills on our school system.
I’m here to tell you that a child just does not gain significant amounts of weight from eating birthday cupcakes. Too many video games? Check. Not enough physical activity? Check. A lack of healthy foods consumed at home? Check-o-rama. A grocery store filled to the brim with foods that have high fructose corn syrup? What do you think?
Now to be honest, I don’t always agree with the good folks in Texas, but they were actually able to pass a “Safe Cupcake Amendment” in the state’s nutritional school guidelines to retain the cupcake’s place in our national birthday psyches. Don’t mess with Texas, and hands off their cupcakes!
Why, why do we keep trying to take things away from our children instead of teaching them proper nutrition and most of all, moderation? There has got to be a better way to do it, rather than an all-out ban.
But I’m guessing that what the cupcake really needs is a good publicist. It needs to focus on “charity” and being photographed holding a Bible. Hey, it worked for Paris Hilton, didn’t it?