…you love playing video games as much as your kids. Er, maybe even more.

…you remember having your own Strawberry Shortcake, Hello Kitty, Care Bear, Star Wars and Transformer toys and accessories.

…you reluctantly admit that the current incarnation of the Muppets suck.  And then go on Amazon look for DVD’s of the original Muppet Show.

…you hate Elmo and his hijacking of Sesame Street.

…you will willingly leave your newborn at home to see a U2/Blondie/Cure/B-52′s concert. Ahem.

…you regale your child with the tale of the first time you saw Star Wars, Episode Four.  Except you didn’t realize at the time it was Episode Four.

…you insist that your child watch all of the Charlie Brown specials.

…you still know the lyrics to “I’m Just a Bill” and “Conjunction Junction” by heart.

…you attempt to introduce your child to the genius of The Ramones, The Clash, and Roxy Music.

…every time you see a space shuttle launch, you hold your breath a little until it launches safely.

…you had a hard time explaining to your  child why the death of John Hughes made you sniffle.

…you give an involuntary shudder every time you see neon.

…you see an all black/mohawked/heavy eyeliner and pancake makeup/pierced/Doc Marten-clad teenager and think, “Been there, done that.”

…you studiously avoid naming your children Marsha or Jan.

…You and your kid wear matching Chuck Taylors. (La Petite Acadienne)

OK, what did I miss? Tell me and I’ll include them!

Nothing is quite as adorable as watching toddlers rip the wrapping paper off of presents. In fact, sometimes the ripping of the paper is more exciting than the actual present itself. Here’s a list for you to make sure that doesn’t happen with your gift.

Fisher Price Elmo Live Encore

Matchbox Rocky the Robot Truck

Fisher Price Kid Tough Digital Camera

Fisher Price Smart Fit

Vulli Sophie the Giraffe Teether

Fisher-Price Song ‘n Smiles SillyTown

Vtech Ride and Learn Giraffe Bike

Fisher Price Laugh & Learn Learning Farm

Mickey’s Magic Choo-Choo Train

I know, I know. Because the children’s clothing company Underten is French, I am supposed to fall in love with how wonderfully sophisticated their stuff is, and go on and on about elan or other such things.

And often, that would be true.

But this tee shirt for babies? It is so many kinds of wrong.

Kids today already have a complete underappreciation for the fabulousness that was is Kermit the Frog. He is no longer part of Sesame Street (damn you Elmo!) and you can only catch Kermit’s gentle, philosophizing ways on DVD.

So, why are the French on a campaign to have Kermit scare the bejesus out of unknowing tots? Because Kermit looks completely deranged and like he is ready to bite you. Kermit would never bite you. He would put his skinny green arm around you and discuss the works of Diogenes, but bite? He would sooner have Animal play his head like a drum than bite someone. It just wasn’t his style.

Underten has also changed him from his beloved green to red. We all know that red is the color of anger, and Kermit rarely got mad. Maybe sometimes he didn’t like being green so much, but I don’t think he would have chosen red, either. Thanks, Underten, for making this unflattering choice without his input.

I understand that the ferocious, broken-toothed smile on various icons is a trademark design from Underten.  But if you malign Kermit, you have gone too far.

Free Kermit!

By now, I don’t have to explain my feelings about Elmo. If you’ve got wee ones who are fond of the twitching, giggling ginger homunculus, please send them out of the room before playing the following video, where Elmo gets what’s coming to him courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Perry Lang, a chef of whom I had never heard but of whom I am now unreasonably fond. “You kill ‘em, I grill ‘em.” A man after my own heart.

Via SeriouslyOMG

Well, normally I’d never link to Jezebel; their commenters aren’t as smart and good-looking as ours are, not to mention all those “Date Rape: what’s all the fuss?” posts they did not so long ago, but every once in a while they simply fail to fail, as they do here with their 10 Awesome Moments from Sesame Street.

Singing, cultural diversity and huggable puppets: What’s not to love? (How many of these albums did you have?)

1. Me and My Llama
2. Ladybug Picnic
3. School Pageant: Flower
4. Pinball 12 with the Pointer Sisters!
5. Ernie Can’t Sleep
6. I Love Trash (my all-time favorite)
7. Somebody Come and Play
8. C is for Cookie
9. Near and Far with Grover
10. Fairy Alphabet, which I don’t believe I’ve ever actually seen before

Now, I dunno about you, but to me this list lacks a few things. A few AWESOME things, namely Monsterpiece Theatre, Elmo interviewing Ricky Gervais, and Neil Patrick Harris as the Shoe Fairy. Behold!

OK, I hate to admit it, but Elmo almost redeems himself after these outtakes.

What have we been telling you about this guy all along? If you want to know who to blame for Jennifer Aniston’s broken heart, look no farther than this twitching tempter, the evil Elmo!

via JustJared.

For many years, my son was only allowed to watch PBS. I love their television shows for kids, and in moderation, they can facilitate all kinds of learning.

The Munchkin was fascinated by Sesame Street from the time he was a toddler. I mean, what child doesn’t like the concept of people and multi-colored puppets living in harmony in New York City? He especially loved the Cookie Monster, who has tragically been cheated out of valuable screen time and only given a segment on the letter of the day. Occasionally he would be in an extra song or sketch, but Cookie Monster sightings outside the letter of the day segment were rare. He also really liked Grover, but Grover is hardly ever on Sesame Street any more. This made the Munchkin sad.

For some reason, Sesame Street has somehow evolved into something that should be called “The Elmo Show.” Just give him his own spinoff or something, would ya? I don’t know who decided that Elmo should be the new face of Sesame Street, but he is a poor substitute for the articulate, introspective Kermit the Frog. Elmo is in almost all of the opening sketches, and of course, there is the scourge known as “Elmo’s World.”

To endure the fifteen straight minutes of high-pitched, Yoda-like pidgin-speak that emanates from Elmo was too much for my son to bear. At first, he would watch as far as Mr. Noodle. The old Mr. Noodle, by the way, not the new one. And certainly not the disaster that was that one woman who was supposed to be their sister or something. Anyhoo, after a while, even Elmo’s interactions with Mr. Noodle were too grating, and as soon as “Elmo’s World” came on, he would do something else or turn the television off. “I hate Elmo!” my son would cry in exasperation.

What can I say? The kid’s got good taste.