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Quiz o’ the Day: Baby Toy or Sex Toy?

Sex Toy or Baby Toy Green WormSex Toy or Baby Toy? Green Jelly version

Oh, my. Mymymymymy. I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed that I got 10/15 on this quiz; the mind, it boggleth. It boggleth like nevair before. And I’m not even going to mention the parent/child issues in Dan Savage’s column lately.

Nope, you stay classy, raincoaster.

If you think you can do better (or worse) than me at this picture-based (and SFW right up until the Answers page, but WHOA, not then) quiz, click here to take it at the Home Made Sex Toy site, a most fascinating place. I am particularly delighted by the revolving spice rack stuffed with dildos (hey, how would YOU organize that many?) and the tips for converting worn-out toys to useful household articles. Although the butt plug/wine cork conversion is not something I’ll be trying at home.

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Unliving Dolls

Twilight Dolls

I freely admit, I don’t get the Twilight phenomenon; but then, I’m not a 15-year-old girl, neither between the ears nor (sadly) anywhere else. It comes with entire clothing collections and no doubt enough broody posters to cover the surface of the Sun (thus solving that pesky turning into dust thing). But among the Undeadnoscenti, there will be great rejoicing at the news that the Undeadverse will be gifted with it’s very own version of Barbie and Ken: the Bella and Edward dolls.

Please, please, if your teenage daughter or your inner teenage self insists, buy these dolls if you must (we’re nothing if not servicey: Bella is here, and Edward is here, and they’re each over $150) , but PROMISE ol’ raincoaster here you’ll throw in a copy of one of Chelsea Quinn Yarbro Count Saint-Germain books for when she grows up and needs a REAL woman’s vampire. You can thank me later.

And you will. You will.

Memoirs of a Vampire

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Action Dad!

I know a great many children of late-in-life parents who wish their Dads could be a little more Action Man and a little less Reaction Man.

That’s a physics joke, right there. No, it’s totally hilarious if you’re an old-skool Newtonian, I’m telling you.

Someone should build a game around this premise, and the one who dies in the Barcalounger with the most remotes wins.

Recliner Skeleton

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Heidi Ho

No, this isn’t about that interminable “reality” “star.” Anybody who makes me use quotation marks that flagrantly doesn’t deserve a post!

No, this is to announce the latest in what seems an endless stream of poorly-thought-out doll choices: Heidi Klum Barbie. It was sadly inevitable.

Heidi Klum can read?

Now, remember, we were all in favour of the Angela Merkel Barbie, even wishing it would go into regular production instead of remaining some kind of tantalizing “hahaha, as IF we’d give you a role model” prototype. Instead, it must be said that we can’t really get behind this:

Heidi Ho

Although we can think of a lot of frat boys who’d like to try.

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Pretty in Pink

I’m a child of the Eighties, and as such, doomed to use that for a title any darn time it’s even slightly appropriate. And my friends, it has never been more appropriate than it is today.

Normally I have an eternal tomboy’s visceral resistance to Pinkness, both as a colour scheme and as the bizarre cult which has seemingly seized control of every female under the age of ten, at least if the mall is anything to go on and I think it is. I am, it must be admitted, rather fond of the singer; I enjoy her voice very much although I confess I cannot understand a single word she is singing, something which surely influences why all those songs about her husband don’t seem to affect him very much, and that’s probably all to the better.

But Pinkness has its time and its place, and as its time appears to be now, so its place is here, at the flagship Barbie store in Shanghai. It is nothing short of the Superfantastic!

A piercingly-pink exterior:

Barbie Store Exterior

A spiral staircase with 800 pink-clad Barbies:

Barbie Store Stairwell

And, should the sight of that much overwhelming Barbitude and Pinkitude prove too much for one, one can restore or perhaps lose (your choice) one’s equilibrium at the bar (all stores should have these, with a daycare next door; it makes shopping so much more civilized), and then take the pinkest escalator on Earth back down to harsh reality.

The entrance to Heaven or Hell?

via JayPiddy

Listmania! Green Baby Products

Looking for some ways to limit your baby’s exposure to chemicals? Many people are most concerned with newborns and infants, as their body mass is so much less, making even small amounts of chemical exposure a bigger risk. I’ve got some great choices for you here.

PhotobucketFleurville Re-Run Mod Pod Changing Kit Made out of recycled plastic bottles! It has an integrated changing pad, 3 interior pockets, 1 exterior pocket, includes wipe case and adjustable, removable shoulder strap. And is totally cute, to boot!

PhotobucketBoon ModWare These BPA-free toddler utensils will make mealtime a breeze!

PhotobucketWaldorf Maple Teether Non-toxic maple made in the US makes this teether a winner!

PhotobucketKringelring Another fabulous non-toxic teething ring that also doubles as a rattle!

PhotobucketOrganic Fruit Basket Teething Toys This cute basket is made of organic Egyptian Cotton and stuffed with 100% organic cotton, so no worries about baby chewing on them!

PhotobucketPriva Snoozy Organic Cotton Waterproof Multi Use Pad A rare waterproof pad with a 100% natural cotton surface. It also features antimicrobial qualities and an allergy barrier. Use it for bassinet, crib, stroller, and changing table.

PhotobucketNaturepedic Waterproof Organic Cotton Flat Crib Pad This crib pad is all you could ever want! Waterproof, soft and breathable, 100% organic cotton fabric, and no vinyl/PVC, phthalates, or latex.

PhotobucketSwaddleDesigns Organic Ultimate Receiving Blanket This very highly rated receiving blanket is the perfect weight, and especially important, the perfect size for swaddling. Comes in many different color options.

PhotobucketCalifornia Baby Super Sensitive Shampoo and Body Wash I’m going to go out on a limb and call pretty much every newborn “super sensitive.” California Baby makes great stuff, and Amazon actually has the lowest prices I’ve seen.

PhotobucketSeventh Generation Baby Wipes I can’t in good conscience leave out one of the most famous and best “green” products for baby. Chlorine free, fragrance free, and biodegradable. What’s not to like?

Sunday Caption Contest Results: Bad Hair Barbie Edition

Who’s the best Barbie interpreter of the week?

Bad Hair Day Barbie

Leo Says:

Barbie knew she shouldn’t go out with a guy named Van de Graff.

As always, real congratulations and imaginary swag to the illustrious winner. This week we are presenting Leo with this, the very dapper (and hat-hair-hiding)Stetson Retro Panama.

Stetson retro panama hat

Sunday Caption Contest: Bad Hair Day Barbie Edition

From prolific professional pet portraitist Kim Santini comes this image of a somewhat frazzled Barbie doll. This is what overprocessing will do. I always had a feeling she wasn’t a real blonde.

Captions in the comments.

Bad Hair Day Barbie

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