Teeny Manolo

As the Manolo says, patent leather is one of fall’s hottest trends. These patent leather Mary Janes from Iacovelli are expensive, but so very adorable! I love the heart buckles and embroidered flowers. And talk about attention to detail- they even made the bottom all purty! That way your little darling can leave a path of flowers wherever she treads. At least in theory, anyway. We all know the trail that young children leave behind, and unless they are at a wedding, it is rarely floral in nature.

Dear Manufacturers of This Shoe,

May I ask, what were you thinking? Were you inspired perhaps by the ingestion of too many Tequila Sunrises and decided that yes, the market for white oxfords was one that was just too large to ignore any longer?

The shoe above is being made in toddler and young boy sizes. The last time I checked, toddlers and young boys had zero interest in being mistaken for either a 70’s disco throwback or a retiree angling for that shuffleboard championship.

You may argue, dear manufacturers, that this precious shoe can be worn by the young men in their role as ring bearers and members of a wedding party. But, anyone who dresses said young men in white suits or tuexedoes, which are surely the only thing this shoe matches even remotely, needs to be given a stern lecture which contains such phrases as “this is 2007, for god’s sake” and “even if you live in the antebellum South, white shoes and tuxedoes are still verboten.” I mean, even Britney on her second (or was that the third?) marriage didn’t sink to the level of white tuxedoes. White satin track suits, perhaps, but even she knew enough to resist the white tuxes.

And lastly, I must confess that I take issue with the name of this shoe, “White Fever.” It conjures up images of some sort of worldwide pandemic, with people quarantined in tents and receiving shots. Definitely not something I would want to buy for my child.

Next time, tell your marketing people to just go all out and give it the name it really deserves. The one they were attempting to evoke, but just didn’t have enough guts to go with all the way. Rename the shoe “Saturday White Fever” and at least you get bonus points for being clever.

Smooches,

Glinda

We are agreed, are we not, that however comfortable they may be, Baby Birkenstocks are no more aesthetically pleasing than the adult version? They’re also significantly less fun than typical children’s shoes as well, looking very much like what your stern Germanic podiatrist forces you to wear to correct the problems that surfaced after thirty years on a chorus line.

We are further agreed, I’m sure, that babies and toddlers have the right to comfortable shoes that help their little feets grow straight or curvy in the ways and places that Nature intended, and that such shoes shouldn’t cost a fortune.

Check out poor little Suri Cruise here. She may be smiling on the outside, but you just gotta know that she’s crying on the inside, and no wonder; those shoes belong on the feet of a Thirteenth Century Flemish serf. We at TeenyManolo have scoured the Internet (really, it’s sparkling!) and come up with an attractive, supportive and practical shoe that even a podiatrist’s overprotective mother would love:
the Papush walking shoe:

And Francesca at ManoloBig has found the Stride Rite Marissa, a shoe that’s also comfy and supportive, but is as pretty as a pink unicorn as well.

Honestly, once you’ve done the vag flash, where do you go from there when you’re looking to drive the fans wild? How to ramp up the publicity machine? Well, these two celebrity moms know exactly how: you put on your best pair of nosebleed heels and play Drop the Baby!

First onto the field was highly experienced paparazzi-inciter Britney Spears.

Wearing bottoms (that’s a technical fashion blogger term) that (for once) were too long, with what appear to be either platform flip flops or peep-toe stripper heels, she left the Ritz Carleton in New York and promptly did a prat-curtsey when her shoes caught in the trailing jeans. Ah, leaving the Ritz; more than one celebrity mom has left, only to encounter tragedy. My suggestion is the same as Glen Frey’s: if you’re a celebrity mom you can check out, but for god’s sake, never leave!

Britney gets extra points for being pregnant at the time and managing, despite the no doubt unbalancing effect of playing snap the whip with her toddler’s head, not to let go of her drink. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a professional in action. Yes, she was carrying both the apparently indestructable Sean Preston Does-Daddy-Still-Have-Custody-Of-The-Surname? and a rocks glass of mysterious clear liquid, which she was careful not to spill. The bodyguards steadied the baby.

Britney: frazzled bottle blonde ponytail, smeared eyeliner, black bra, white eyelet babydoll top, low-slung, far-too-long jeans, hooker/trailer park shoes. Something on the rocks. Look: trailer trash, y’all!
Sean Preston Whatever: slightly greyed white overalls, striped Mork&Mindy socks, eye-ripping orange hat that flew off, no shirt, no shoes. Look: redneck, y’all.

Seriously, an awesome performance by a real pro.

Now let us turn to this past weekend’s performance by relative newcomer Katie Holmes/Kate Cruise/Stepford Wife #3.

Katie earns points for staging the baby drop on a rainy Parisian sidewalk, which makes a much prettier backdrop than a hotel parking lot. She loses points because she saved the baby and hit the pavement herself, bloodying her knee rather than say, tossing the baby to the help, steadying herself, and attempting to chug the pink blankie.

Then again, those are hideous shoes; girl deserved to go down.

Katie: perfect makeup, this year’s Posh haircut, olive trench, invisible dress (the Barbara Amiel look), high double-strap pumps that, it must be admitted, do have pretty heels even if they’re the colour of oxbarf. They don’t even look good when Peter Fox does them. Yes, they make your feet look shorter. They make the rest of you look shorter, too, when you’re kneeling on the sidewalk because you fell over. Look: 2007 meets 1927

Suri: adorable, classic dress, immaculate and cosy white cardigan, cute variation of the baby pageboy, hideous Baby Birkenstocks with massive straps that could hitch a Clydesdale to a beer wagon. Does Katie have restraint issues, par chance? Look: BCBGeekChic.

Verdict: round goes to Spears, y’all. Cheers!
May a humble blogger suggest that, should celebrity or other moms wish to avoid being featured in future Drop the Baby posts, when they are carrying something as precious as these two babies, they A) put the damn drink down and B) choose footwear more like what these relatively sensible toddlers are wearing, and less like a truck stop honey or an extra in Bugsy Malone?