You may recall that last week we had a particularly intense round of captioning on Friday. Well, after much sweat more pressure and some alcohol, I have made my decision, tough though it was.

All the competitors are to be congratulated for their contributions, but as to winners:

There can be only one.

Our pic:

Our winning caption:

gemdiva Says:
October 12th, 2007 at 10:56 pm

Luckily little Johnnie’s fall was broken by a passing Ninja.

Congratulations to the winner for her both creative and bizarre caption (and, really, what goes better with a velcro jacket pic than a creative and bizarre caption?), and we shall be back for another round in four short days!

Cheap and durable, if slightly less mobile than the original.

You know how it works. Captions in the comments, plzthx. Do your best for eternal glory and the ability to show off in front of your friends. Coming next week, reader-submitted captionable pix! Email yours to raincoaster at gmail dot com.

Our image for today comes to us from Yanko Design, who saw a niche need for a jacket specifically for lonely people. Lonely people who want to pick up other lonely people. Lonely people who want to pick up other lonely people, yet who need both hands free. This jacket is made entirely from strips of velcro, and as you can see from the image, has practical as well as faintly pathetic applications. This should, if it catches on, put an end to Drop the Baby once and for all!

Takkiainen is a jacket for lonely or bored people. It is designed to help the wearer to get in contact with others. Since we brush against each other every day as we move around in the city, we can use our clothes as a medium for meeting people and communicating with them. The jacket is made out of Velcro strips of different widths that have been sewn together side by side to form alternating hook and pile stripes. When these materials touch each other, they grab onto each other. The lonely user can be happily connected with other loners simply by walking around in the jacket.

Even babies can be attached to their parents.

Designer: Aamu Song & Johan Olin

Who says Britney Spears is a bad mom? Why, she’s already got the boys’s Halloween costumes sorted! That’s what I call being involved!

Awww, just look at the expression on SpongeBob’s body face whatever that is! Those big blue puppy eyes, how they look up imploringly from the box, begging your child to eat something nutritious! Pretty please with a prize on top?

SpongeBob not only appears on nectarine boxes, but also on boxes of apples, pears, and cherries.

“My goal is to have every fruit a kid would want to eat with a Nickelodeon character,” says Sherice Torres, licensing vice president at Nickelodeon.  Well Sherice, we all have to have goals in life, now don’t we?  Except I’m not sure that the motives of Nickelodeon are simply to ensure that kids eat healthy foods. 

Unless that means they might live longer, and thus would be around longer to buy even more stuff!  Now it all makes sense. 

And by the time the generation this product is marketed to reaches a certain age, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to see SpongeBob Depends. 

Tell me I’m wrong.

So, I was telling a friend about my mother, and I happened to use the both quaint and ancient expression “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” to explain why I’m just as annoying as my parents, and she laughed, Germanly. Apparently, in Germany they substitute acorns for apples, but the principle is the same. It’s universal.

And here is the adorable and previously quite demure Zahara Jolie-Pitt, illustrating that the principle is not negated by adoption and engaging in a little pointed communication with the world at large. She’s about ten years ahead of schedule if you compare her to her mother’s profanity timeline, so by the time she starts school she’ll probably be listening to Nine Inch Nails and carrying little John “Jack” Christopher Depp III ‘s blood in a vial around her neck. We in the press can only hope.

Oh, go on. Look at that beady little eye and tell me she doesn’t mean it…try! You just know she’s going to be stealing boys from Dakota Fanning and making the paparazzi weep with frustration and desire all her life.

Yes, this is just what the world has been waiting for.

Let’s face it, even Jeffrey Dahmer’s dad put out a book of parenting advice, so who’s to say it’s inappropriate for someone whose sole credential is that he has been found in a court of law to be more reliable than…Britney Spears…to speak out on Saturday Night Live with some golden nuggets of immortal wisdom for the parents of the world?

After featuring the “camouflage ballet flat” post, some readers expressed disbelief that products featuring camouflage existed for young children.

After seeing these next items, you will think that those flats are the ultimate in subtlety. 

For a reason I can’t quite put my finger on, the camouflage bows on the bloomers of this outfit just seem out of place.  I can’t imagine why.  Nothing says hardcore like pretty camo bows!

Do you prefer the challenge of finding your baby via night vision goggles? Then this camo crib set, complete with diaper stacker, is for you!

Want your child to never know the real contents of their bottle?  Use this one for the perfect means of concealment.

And finally, as the wise Raincoaster said, “Anyone who buys a camouflage pacifier deserves to spend most of their time on their hands and knees going “Dammit, where IS it?”