Teeny Manolo

Gwyneth Paltrow: Apple Makes Moses Cross-Dress!

I read that headline at People, and I thought, there goes that pesky media yet again. Misinterpreting and editing interviews with a celebrity so that it sounds like a mom is calling her barely-a-toddler son a cross-dresser! When will they ever stop?

But if the direct quote in the article is to be believed, Gwyneth Paltrow described it that way herself.

You know, there are many ways I as a mother could describe the very common situation of an older sister dressing her younger brother in girl’s clothes, but “cross-dressing” would not be one of them.

I could do one of these myself, but Defamer already used all the best names. Yes, the Mini-McConaughey has arrived, and has also been given the conspicuously Old Testament name of Levi Alves McConaughey, but let that not stop us. I’m not 100% sure, but I think anyone can vote on their site, although not comment. But everyone can vote here!

Keep in mind the family’s colourful tradition of nomenclature: his nephew is named Miller Lyte, and there was a consistent rumour he wanted to call the kid Bud. I’m just sayin’!

Defamer’s suggestions for names:

Attention Bloggers:
Click here to enter our Stylin’ Stila giveaway #2!

There has been much discussion of late and around these parts of the Herculean loads shouldered, strollered, or shoved into minivans by parents in the name of having essential items to hand at all times. We all know what it’s like to realize the last of the diapers is gone and you’re halfway through Death Valley…or if not that scenario exactly, well, it felt like it.

But at a certain point, preparedness can indeed be said to have gone too far. Indeed, it can in this instance be said to have run amok. People have stormed Hadrian’s Wall (and quite successfully, too) with less ordnance than this.

From DListed:

29-year-old Stephanie Wilson decided to take her little baby and her other young child for a walk around their Utica, NY neighborhood on Tuesday evening. Everything was going well until Stephanie ran into one of her rivals. Stephanie and the other woman immediately began arguing over money. That’s when Stephanie reached into the stroller and pulled out a big knife! She also pulled out a sawed-off shotgun.

Now, any fool knows this is completely impractical. You can’t shoot a sawed-off shotgun with one hand! Put the knife down, fool!

But wait, there’s more!

When the cops searched the stroller they also found two more knives and a box cutter. Strangely, she only got THREE counts of endangering a child and one of third-degree criminal possession of a weapon: what’s that? One for each knife, the shotgun for the felony, and the box cutter came free with the set?

No report on the number of sippy cups seized.

Click here for our Stylin’ Stila Giveaway #2!

You KNOW how we feel about Elmo. Stolen from Worth1000 via AgentBedhead, this is the one-sheet for this summer’s top horror thriller:

If you want to hear what has now surpassed Madonna’s version of “Santa Baby” as the most annoying song on the planet, have a listen at this.

He did not just say “I’m glad you’re a hot mom now.” Did he?

I don’t know why, but it seems ok when a woman uses the term to describe herself, but really creepy and wrong when some weird dude playing bad acoustic guitar does.

Is that wrong? Am I being hypocritical? Or do you think the term “hot mom” is demeaning/objectifying no matter who says it?

Well, it does. Yes, a letter makes a HUGE difference, whether it’s a thank you to Grandma for her thoughtfully-selected birthday present or a letter grade on a report card (they still give those out, right? they don’t just stick a happy face sticker on your kid at the end of the year and promote him, right?) a letter is a single, subtle something whose presence or absence changes everything.

From the EnglishFail blog

Here is some charming video of beautful little baby girl, laughing and having fun. Creeeeeeeeeeepy.

73,000 views! She’s a star! I’d put her in the same wholesomely twisted category as Christina Ricci as Wednesday Addams, Winona Ryder as Lydia, the freaky Goth in Beetlejuice, and every female character in an Edward Gorey story.

Hey, the man has some experience. Here, he shows newbies Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson how to prepare for the arrival of their new baby.

Let’s list those tips, for those who can’t play the YouTube (and without access to YouTube, how do you expect to raise a happy child? Eh? Honestly!).

1. Put the crib in the garage if you want a sex life.
2. Don’t sweat the carbon monoxide; it’s healthy!
3. Kids love videos, but forget that Baby Einstein crap. It’s all about the rap videos.
4. A baby bottle’s nipple fits right over the end of the malt liquor bottle and guarantees a restful night’s sleep.
5. Snoop is standing by to help with that breast-feeding thing.
6. Oh, I won’t give away the punchline. But it’s damn good advice.

Anyone that knows me knows that Glinda does not do camping. Not that I have anything against people that do. I am sure there are some very enjoyable things about it. I just never really intend to find out.

Of course, as luck would have it, I had a son. A son, it turns out, who thinks camping is the Best. Thing. Ever. Granted he’s only done it once so far, but he is simply enamored of the entire concept. From sleeping in a tent, to the campfire, to peeing on a tree, he’s all over it.

The idea of camping just makes me shudder. The bugs! The lack of showering facilities! The non-bed aspect! I just can’t wrap my mind around why someone would want to actually do that and yet call it a vacation.

Luckily for the Munchkin, his father has camped many times (before we started dating, anyway) and thinks it is a nice family bonding time. Unfortunately, he thinks that family bonding time should include me as well. Not a month goes by that he tries to guilt trip me into going with them, labeling me a bad mommy who won’t share in her son’s interests.

Listen, Glinda likes nature. She has absolutely nothing against nature at all. She just prefers to experience it from a balcony while sipping her tea, wrapped up in a comfy robe.

Is that so wrong?

I’m relatively sure we’ve already used that headline (and will again, no doubt) but what else can you call a blog post about stripper heels for babies?

Yes, she said Stripper Heels For Babies.

heežlaržižous [he-lair-ee-uhs] - noun:
extremely funny, completely soft, fully functional
high heel crib shoes for babies.

Not intended for walking (heel will collapse with weight).

Not intended to harm children in any way.

WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).

You know what? No, it’s not. Not normal, unless your last name is Spears, and if this doesn’t physically hurt your child, imagine the tsunamis of psychological damage these babies can cause, if not now then in junior high when Stan’s basketball team get ahold of his baby book.

Just. No. What is this? “Baby needs a new pair of CFMP’s?”

via Dlisted and Crunk&Disorderly