Teeny Manolo

Any husband that decides to go ahead and change his newborn’s name without consulting his wife had better beware, for it seems a long dry period of sleeping on the couch until the name is changed is the preferred form of punishment. Closely following was something unnamed, but definitely unpleasant.

It’s Halloween, which has always been one of my favorite holidays, even when my sister and I were forced to be gypsies for four years straight. And really, even though it was just some old dresses, hoop earrings, the fact that I got to wear makeup legitimately was why I didn’t make too much of a fuss. I don’t ever remember having a store-bought costume, and I think my mother, not a crafty person, even resorted one year to the old “cut some holes in a sheet and call it a ghost” costume. That’s all changed now, and many people purchase costumes instead of making them. What about you?

2008 is a banner year for boys!  There is some waaaay cool stuff out there, and now the hard part is deciding which ones to buy for my own son.   And of course, nobody is saying girls can’t play with these, too.

Looking for more hot Christmas toys for 2008? Go here!
Looking for hot Christmas toys for girls? Go here!

Bakugan Battle Brawlers Starter Pack This toy is HOT for Christmas 2008! They are sold out in many places and if you think these are a good fit for your little guy, then I would by all means snap one up. These are actually a game of strategy, with magnetized marbles that pop open into a figure when they hit one of the metal playing cards. Boys love this toy, it’s been billed as the new “Pokemon-type” craze. There is also a launcher and a battle arena that can be purchased, if you’re feeling generous.

Nintendo DS Lite Cobalt Blue This is one of the holiday’s most wanted toys! Smaller and lighter than the original DS, this revolutionizes game play with with ultra-bright dual screens, adjustable backlighting, stereo sound, and touch-screen technology. Connect wirelessly to Nintendo’s WiFi Connection and play against someone on the other side of the room or the other side of the world!

Iron Man Invincible Iron Man Assortment  One of the most popular movies of the summer, this Iron Man doll action figure has many cool accessories.  Now, the hard part will be not losing them all.

EyeClops Night Vision Infrared Stealth Goggles For eighty bucks, you can get real night vision technology, which usually runs for around five hundred! Of course it isn’t top of the line, but is still pretty awesome.

Air Hogs R/C Zero Gravity Mini Car This is the first remote-controlled car that is able to climb walls and even drive on the ceiling! Caveats are that it works best on smooth surfaces, and that it’s a bit loud. But did I mention it can climb walls?

Fisher-Price Manny’s Transforming Tool Truck Lots of tools come with this toy truck, and it even turns into a workbench! Bilingual phrases, sounds, blueprints, and even random “breakdowns” that only your own Mr. Fixit can help with!

Fisher-Price Imaginext Spike the Ultra Dinosaur This large, remote-controlled dinosaur makes dinosaur sounds such as growling and uh, burping and sniffing. It can walk forward, blink its eyes, move its neck, and even throw a boulder! It also has lights and can rear up on its hind legs. This prehistoric dude is very popular, and Amazon actually has the best price on this one.

Fisher-Price Transportation System GeoAir High-Flyin’ Airport Simply clip the remote-controlled GeoAir planes to the tracks, and watch them go! Includes an elevator, three fueling bays, a security gate, and a drop-off platform. Can be connected to other GeoAir or GeoTrack sets for an even bigger experience.

Hasbro Nerf N’ Strike Vulcan Allows them to stun their “enemies” with the ability to fire 25 nerf darts in a mere 10 seconds! It has a rapid-fire capability that will completely overwhelm any and all opponents! The bad part? Picking up the darts, of course. But don’t tell them that!

U Command Wall-E From the instant classic Disney/Pixar film, send Wall-E an instant order or preprogrammed action sequence via a wireless remote. Features lights, sounds, orginal movie voice, and realistic expressions. 10 different program buttons enable up to 1000 different action combos!

Mega Brands Magnext iCoaster New for 2008, build (and reconfigure later on for even more fun!) a completely magnetic roller coaster. It has lights, sound, stunts, and the ability to hook an iPod in to customize the soundtrack. A must for any adventurous engineer!

Fisher-Price Power Wheels AT Rex currently $100 dollars off! The ultimate in ride-on fun! This two-seater is an updated version of the classic Jeep Wrangler. It features a new grab handle for easy in and out, can go up to 5 mph, and has a rechargable battery.

Okay, so it’s not a couple of hot chicks at the mall. But it certainly IS Halloweeny and who among us perhaps overenthusiastically theatrical adults hasn’t seen this expression on the face of a budding drama critic? Seriously, everybody’s a critic, even the ones who still wet the bed at night. And I’m looking at you, Rex Reed!

The Munchkin’s school had a Halloween event after hours yesterday, and helping out with the festivities were some young adult volunteers. And this year, it seems that slutty Halloween costumes are the “in” thing. Why am I not surprised?

One of the teens assigned to lead the Munchkin’s group around campus was dressed as a cheerleader. Fine, you say, what is wrong with a cheerleader? Well, try a micro-mini that barely covered her assets, knee high stockings, and a short, skin tight cheer sweater. Not exactly appropriate for leading a bunch of kindergarteners around. But really, when is an outfit like that appropriate for a young woman?

Answer with me, folks, “Never!”

Let’s check out some other costumes made available by some fine costume manufacturers for the young ladies in our lives. Sadly, these were not hard to find.

First we have what is billed as a “Super Girl Teen” Costume. Funny, I don’t remember Super Girl showing quite so much bare midriff.

We move on to “Veinia Adult and Teen” costume. If I had a teen daughter, she would never be allowed out of the house with the larger portion of her boobs on display. Sorry, I’m a dictator like that.

This “Pirate Teen” costume seems to have weathered quite the storm. I mean, that’s what happened to the rest of her outfit, right?

This “Moonlight Vixen Teen” costume will definitely turn heads. The wrong, er, kinds of heads. No double entendre intended. Even better, this costume is currently sold out.

Now we have the most frightening of all, the “Fallen Angel” costume listed as Child/Teen. Let’s read their lovely description: “Featuring a dress with sexy lace-up bodice…” Yes, that’s exactly the look I want for my twelve year old.

Scream-inducing, for sure.

Stolen from marriedtothesea.com.

What if the Buddha were just some guy in his mom’s basement (LettersHomeToYou)

Food porn: getting back to your roots (Fracas)

Contest: Punkins in the Pumpkin Patch (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Ear this! (LAStylistMom)

It’s never too early for Christmas! (MagnetoBoldToo)

Cringe: teenage livejournal entries of the rich and famous (Dooce)

Jenny McCarthy claims to work miracles (Babyrazzi)

The death of recess (Dadsmacker)

Cake! (VitaFapis via 69015)

I know these things are mindless, automated random answer generators, but I can’t help but look over my shoulder when I see a result like this:

It’s eerie, I tell ya. Except that last part. This is the costume I’m making for myself this year…a classic? O R’lyeh?

Martha Stewart is my favorite felon. Not only did the woman come second in the highly competitive cell decorating contest at Camp Cupcake, but she never lets anything phase her, whether it’s hard-line questioning from District Attorneys, gooey come-ons from Conan O’Brian, or mere questions of taste.

See for yourself! Here is a snippet of Martha’s show from October a couple of years ago preparing for Thanksgiving (either she really thinks ahead or she was pandering to the Canadian viewers in hopes of obtaining long-denied permission to enter the country). Note that her mouth-watering food-themed centerpieces were fashioned from the finest fabrics, hypoallergenic stuffing material, and fresh, innocent babies.

from the Hater:

I don’t know why this video is so creepy. Well, actually, I know exactly why this video is so creepy: it features overhead shot after overhead shot of a table full of babies dressed like over-sized food products, their chubby arms and legs squirming beneath the giant foodstuffs that have become their prisons.

I suppose there are worse fates.

Foldover pie, for small families (FoodPlusPolitics)

Halloween trivia (AnEclecticPagan)

How did YOU celebrate International Invent a Horrible Soup Day (Fracas)

Toilet Paper and Economic Turndowns: the historical overview (AngryRaisins)

Kiefer Sutherland is a wussy daddy (AgentBedhead)

Angie and Brad are a little confused about privacy (TheHater)

Cloris Leachman has Super Granny powers! (Defamer)

and, finally, YesWeCan(HoldBabies):

Yes We Can (Hold Babies) is the international source for pictures of Obama holding babies. There are occasionally some kisses involved, sometimes the babies are a little too old to be classified as babies, and sometimes we just post pictures of Obama standing under a dinosaur (and by that we do not mean John McCain).

Welcome to International Talk Like A Pirate Day, a day as sacred to us as International Put The Crocs Away Day. It’s amazing what a simple blog post looks like when put through the Talk Like A Pirate Day Translator (alternately, try the English Piratical version here). A mild-mannered post about suitable shoes for the fall becomes something unspeakably daring and somewhat vulgar, both disreputable and thrilling. In short: Fonziefying!
In other words:

Arrr, a mild-mannard post about suitable shoes for the fall becomes somethin’ unspeakably darin’ and somewhat ‘ulgar, both disreputable and thrillin’. In short: Fonziefyin’, shiver me timbers!

If your munchkin wants to partake of the piratification without parsing precious pixels, you could purchase this:

“Ye gots to be stubborn and mighty cranky,
Ye gots to be dirty and awfully stanky!
Ye gots to load a cannon and know how to fire it,
But most of all, ye gots to talk
like a pirate!”

Pirate Pete’s Talk Like a Pirate is as good a way as any to larn yez, and just in time for TLAP Day, it’s nearly a third off on sale! Bargoons ahoy!

Even a never-pregger like myself can understand that nine months of growing a whole new person inside yourself, followed by one of the most physically demanding and painful experiences known to humanity, might entitle one to a reward.

I am not, however, sure this is the right reward.

At www.baby-moon.eu you will find luxurious babymoon packages and pregnancy spa treatments, especially designed by the finest hotels in the world. Our company approaches luxury hotels and resorts worldwide to create awareness of the babymoon concept and to represent babymoon packages on the BabyMoon website.

Do people really do this? Do they really decide that, what they truly need in the last trimester of pregnancy is to bid adieu to those humdrum surroundings, friends, family, and support systems (like doctors) and fly halfway around the world in search of relaxation? Are they that eager to wear the snazzy lead-lined smock they borrowed from the radiology department through a crowded airport?

Am I completely out of touch, dear readers? Is this now de rigeueur among the reproductive set? Help a clueless maiden aunt out in the comments section, if you would.