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Hating on the Hair Bow

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I have a certain pet peeve when it comes to the monstrosities that people voluntarily place on their baby’s head. Yes, you heard right, I HATE infant hair bows for girls. You know, the kind that is attached to a headband.

I mean, don’t infants already suffer enough indignities already, what with all the drooling and burping and pooping in public? Do we really have to subject them to insecure parents placing huge fake flowers on their heads?

And I say insecure because I don’t understand why it is so important that it be broadcast to everyone that your hairless infant is A GIRL THANK YOU VERY MUCH, CAN’T YOU TELL BY THE OBNOXIOUS BOW I’VE PLACED ON HER HEAD? Would it be that much harder to correct someone if they thought she was a boy? With all the pink clothes, baby carrier, and blankets, I’m thinking it wouldn’t be hard to figure out anyway.

I also wonder exactly how long it takes for said infant to rip said bow off, as they don’t exactly look like the most comfortable things in the world. Heck, headbands tend to bug even me after a while, much less a young child who would probably prefer being totally naked all the time in the first place. And usually, my headbands don’t have embellishments that are bigger than my entire head, which is the case for many of the infant bows.

So I’m going to swear to you all right now, I will never place one of those, those, things on my daughter’s head, no matter how many I may happen to get at my shower.

And now that Lady GaGa has adopted the hair bow look, can we please officially proclaim the trend dead in the water?

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Beyonce for Back to School

From the designer that brought you this:

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Comes a line of junior wear inspired by this:

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God help us.

Actually, Beyonce’s tour wardrobe was designed by Thierry Mugler, but the House of Dereon (read: Beyonce’s Mom) is bringing to stores a line of back to school clothes, shoes, and accessories that is “inspired” by hm. Which I guess is a nice way of saying that they are ripping him off?

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I see nothing I would want my teen daughter to wear to school. The only school it would be appropriate for is one devoted to teaching depressed hookers. Ok, ok, they aren’t that bad. They actually kind of bore me. But the overall look, especially the shoes, seems to serve more of a club-going sensibility than that of advanced trig.

However, Beyonce is a talented woman and is looked up to by many teens. The price points for the collection are just right, ranging from $25 to $75. Let’s just hope teens can mix pieces from the collection with more, ah, school-appropriate wear. And hopefully ditch the shoes altogether.

But, don’t be surprised to see the depressed hooker look at a high school near you this fall.

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Designer Dresses for the Toddler in Your Life

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Guess who is introducing a luxury line of dresses for toddlers in the middle of a recession?

Oscar de la Renta, of course!

According to the article in W magazine, the dresses are in fabrics such as silk and crepe de chine, exactly the kinds of fabrics I want my three year old to wear!

Not that I think there is anything wrong with little girls having pretty dresses. Of course they should have pretty dresses. Just maybe not dresses that cost from $230 to $330. I know that there will always be a class of people who thinks nothing of buying a three hundred dollar dress for their child, it just seems weird when so many people are out of work to purchase something so expensive that will be worn for all of six months or so.

I also think that if I dressed my daughter in something that cost that much money, I would be following her around and perhaps even feeding her myself just to make sure she didn’t get a stain and ruin the dress.

Granted, the end of the piece states that Oscar will be donating $100 from every sale to the Children’s Defense Fund, which is definitely a worthy cause. But I would sort of rather people just donated on their own, you know?

Or, maybe I’m just jealous.

Stella McCartney Designs for Gap

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Oh, you say, yet another pairing of a large retailer with a hot fashion designer?  Famous designers Isaac Mizrahi, Proenza Schouler, Viktor and Rolf, Roberto Cavalli, and Proenza Schouler have all teamed up with various clothing stores to produce specialty clothing lines.

But this time it’s strictly for kids!

Stella McCartney, formerly creative director of Chloe, now has her own collections walking down the runway.  And she’s signed on to produce an exclusive line for GapKids and BabyGap, due in selected stores in November of this year.  She has three kids of her own, so at least we aren’t talking about someone who has no idea how infant clothing works.  Or should work, anyway, as in easy diaper access! I don’t care how cute the thing is, if I can’t quickly get to the diaper, the article simply won’t be worn often.

Stella is also known for being eco-friendly with many of her perfume, beauty, and shoe lines, so we’ll see if she includes any organic cotton in the mix.  I have a feeling she will. And if you’re wondering, that’s a Stella-designed T-shirt that Sir Paul is wearing in the picture above.

Here’s what Paul’s daughter has to say about children’s clothing:

“For years now I’ve wanted to create a collection for kids, it’s something I’ve often been asked about. I believe that this one-off collaboration will be a great way for customers to be able to participate in the Stella McCartney brand. I believe that kids clothing should be more accessibly priced, which is particularly important at the moment given the current climate. It’s really exciting for us to do a boys and girls collection for the first time.”

Amen, sister!  Although Stella McCartney’s and my idea of “accessibly priced” might be a wee bit different seeing as how she grew up with a gazillionaire as a father, I’m still really interested to see what the clothes will look like.

Monday Teeny Poll

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Last week’s poll about judges intervening in medical cases involving minors inspired a bit of civilized kerfluffle in the comments. But, we are all about the diversity and exchange of ideas here, and everyone stated their cases admirably.

In the end, sixty-six percent of you said that as long as it is in the best interest of the child, it was ok for the courts to intervene. Thirty-three percent felt that it was private matter and the courts should stay out.

As for today, my post about girl’s swimsuits got me to thinking about girls nowhere near the stage of puberty wearing bikinis.

Listmania! Girl’s Swimsuits

There are some very cute and affordable options for girl’s swimsuits out there, and I’ve found some of them for you, with a few more expensive options as well.  Some of them are too adorable to resist.

Baby Girls: Cherry-Print Tankinis for Baby - Pink Print

Baby Girls: Cherry-Print Tankinis for Baby – Pink Print

Baby Girls: Floral Rashguard Swim Sets for Baby - Pink Print

Baby Girls: Floral Rashguard Swim Sets for Baby – Pink Print

Girls: Girls Printed Ruffle-Trim Swimsuits - Pink Floral

Girls: Girls Printed Ruffle-Trim Swimsuits – Pink Floral

PhotobucketOld Navy Ombré-Print Swimsuit (Girls)

GapKids: Dip-dyed one piece - royal fuchsia

GapKids: Dip-dyed one piece – royal fuchsia

Kate Mack - Frosted Cupcake 2pc Swimsuit (Infant) (Pink) - Apparel

Kate Mack – Frosted Cupcake 2pc Swimsuit (Infant) (Pink) – Apparel

Kate Mack - Cherry Picnic Skirted 1pc Swimsuit (Little Kids) (Red) - Apparel

Kate Mack – Cherry Picnic Skirted 1pc Swimsuit (Little Kids) (Red) – Apparel

Deux par Deux - Umbrella One-Piece Swimsuit (Toddler/Little Kids) (Brown/Pink) - Apparel

Deux par Deux – Umbrella One-Piece Swimsuit (Toddler/Little Kids) (Brown/Pink) – Apparel

le top kids - Butterfly Wishes- Tank Swimsuit W/ Hip Ruffle (Infant/Toddler) (Black/White/Pink/Lime/Yellow) - Apparel

le top kids – Butterfly Wishes- Tank Swimsuit W/ Hip Ruffle (Infant/Toddler) (Black/White/Pink/Lime/Yellow) – Apparel

Roxy Kids - Surfin' Safari Candy Apple Tank (Big Kids) (Pretty In Pink) - Apparel

Roxy Kids – Surfin’ Safari Candy Apple Tank (Big Kids) (Pretty In Pink) – Apparel

D&G Junior - Vintage Hawaii One-Piece Swimsuit (Toddler/Little Kids/Big Kids) (Pink) - Apparel

D&G Junior – Vintage Hawaii One-Piece Swimsuit (Toddler/Little Kids/Big Kids) (Pink) – Apparel

Complete Shirt

We’re getting awfully shirty around here lately, and can you blame us, with some of the monstrosities out there? In the spirit of Glinda’s recent posts on dreadful pregnancy tees and haircuts that would work better on tattooed hipsters than innocent children, we bring you these children’s shirts of appalling, nauseating, toe-curling, diabetes-inducing sweetness.

Seriously, they make Cornify look like Nine Inch Nails.

Let us examine only the unicorn offerings; just as with those infamous haircuts, these would be far better on a grown post-punk bassist than on some poor child, whose innate cuteness could never be a match for these masterworks, ripped (apparently) from the sides of the vans of the gayest men who ever discoed their way through the Seventies. And printed on texture-printed cotton tees.

Rainbow Unicorn

Feast your eyes on the magnificence of the Mountain Rainbow Unicorn Tee!

Secret unicorn tee

The Secret Unicorn Tee (not so secret when you wear that around the schoolyard, eh? This really shouldn’t be worn by anyone less butch than Steve Irwin)

Sunlit Unicorn Tee
You can almost hear the Jethro Tull when you pull the inspiring Sunlit Unicorn Tee over some poor little kid’s head. He’ll be the envy of your old D&D buddies for sure!

Kingdom of the Unicorns
Welcome to the Kingdom of the Unicorns! Say hi to Aslan for me!

Mystical Unicorn
I have a sneaking suspicion the Mystical Unicorn is really just some ordinary horse with a fountain behind him. Those photographers are a tricksy bunch!

Majestic unicorn
and, for the teen who hasn’t yet gotten parental permission to get the unicorn of her choice inked into her left shoulder, right hip, or inside ankle, there’s the Majestic Unicorn tank, which I would really much rather see on Madonna with her veins popping out, or perhaps Joan Collins, with leather pants and killer heels. Because why not? She’s Joan Collins; like anyone’s going to say boo to her!

The way they look is the bad news; the good news is, they’re on sale at less than half price, anywhere from $8-$16, and come up to size 16, which most hipsters can fit into, since they only consume calories in the form of espresso and microbrewed beer anyway. So if you have to suddenly outfit your local ageing Hollywood legend, or They Might Be Giants suddenly turns up half-naked in your yard, you’ve got it covered.

The Horror!

Jezebel managed to steal a 1972 Sears catalog from somebody’s basement that featured children’s fashion. And I’ve promptly stolen the pictures from them, because this kind of horror is the kind that has to be shared so that other people can suffer along with you. And just think, I wore crap like this! And thought I was cool!

These chicks look like they could use an attitude adjustment. Because nobody should look that smug with strawberries on their pockets.

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It seems that fruit was an overarching theme for 1972.

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These pants leave me completely speechless. Uh, at least they were good at hiding stains? And who else remembers those horrible jumpers that took you forever to get out of when you had to go to the bathroom?

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And don’t think that the boys managed to get away unscathed. I want to know who thought wide-striped dress pants were a good idea.

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Oh Winnie-the-Pooh, Christopher Robin would never have worn something so utterly dorky. The laces on those shirts practically scream out for a bully to grab them.

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Finally, we see that no mercy was available even for babies. The little boy looks like he is beseeching his mom, “Why, Mom? Why would you put me in miles of scratchy polyester?”

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