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The Schadenfreude Special

Andy Warhol Four Pandas

Oh, I’ll have a double helping of this.

Recall, if you will, Glinda’s thoughtful post on the concept of the “Alpha Mom.” The Alpha Mom would be described by those who aspire to Alpha-dom as a woman who has it all and runs it with aplomb. She would be described by pretty much everyone else as an insufferable snob, an undermining, competitive bitch, and a complete pain in the ass.

You know the type.

Well, the type, it seems, has a regular column in the Times of London (Mother’s Little Helper is the tagline; you can’t make this stuff up!) and we (as highly professional parenting bloggers) do cast a narrowed eye over the gilded ghetto of the Alpha Mummy column from time to time, holding our noses against the clouds of Coco Mademoiselle (Mademoiselle? Really? I thought you were 40, darling?) and squinting through the glare coming off all that lamé. You’ve no idea the sacrifices we endure for you.

Or the joys.

For lo, in the land of the TeenyManolo there was great joy last night at about 3am, when we saw the comments that regular readers had made on the Alpha Mummy blog. Possessed as we are of commenters both witty and supportive, we could only chuckle malevolently to ourselves as the delightful waves of Schadenfreude washed over us.

The post:

What to do this weekend. Kids.Modern fair.

Instead of spending the whole day in our pyjamas or doing the grocery shopping, this Sunday we’re heading to Dulwich for the Kids.Modern fair. This is the first fair, run by the folks who do the Midcentury Modern fair, but focussed on vintage and new design for kids. Children will be able to make t-shirts, make trays, play with toys, interact with digital wallpaper and more…

Okay, this is more of a post than I’d normally steal and re-post, but I just have to say: that, is, too, many, commas. And when I say that, you gotta know it’s true. Don’t they have copy editors at the Times Online? But the very cockles of our shriveled and dried hearts were warmed by tears of joy when we read the comments, which we are also going to steal and re-post. Behold and cheer:

ps am I alone in wondering if Jennifer’s kids will come home and start to interact with analogue wallpaper, otherwise known as scribbling on the walls….

Actually I am spending all day in my PJs AND doing the grocery shopping, thanks to tesco online.

The younger ones appear to be playing in a cardboard box, whatever, I dont really care :)

Is interacting with digital wallpaper as criminally dull as it sounds?

One can only assume so. And no doubt the budding Wallpaper editors will be thrilled to the very core at the chance to colour pictures of old Eames chairs and the like. Except, it seems that even the vast resources of the most respected newspaper in the world couldn’t get a picture of children doing this. I wonder how much they had to pay the two grups in the shot?

Old people colour too!

I mean, seriously, people (there go those commas again!) when the best you can think of to do for the weekend is to take your kids to a cunningly-disguised trade show, it’s time to stop breeding.

DwellStudio Baby at Target

Just a few days ago Target launched a new baby collection, a collaboration with DwellStudioDwellStudio is an upscale designer known for their modern, colorful graphics.  As with most designer team-ups at Target, style is offered at a low price.  And seeing how a regular crib set from the DwellStudio line runs upwards of $384.00, a discount would be deeply appreciated. 

The graphics featured at Target are simpler than the pricier ones, but that is to be expected.  But the looks are similar, and the DwellStudio imprimatur is apparent. And I like that the line is very inclusive.  From rugs to lamps to wall decals, they’ve got you covered. .

Take this Olivia 3-Pc Crib Set, featured at Target and currently on sale for $65.00!

DwellStudio Olivia 3-pc Crib Set

Source

And compare it to DwellStudio’s Garden Blossom set:

DwellStudio Garden Blossom Crib Set

Source

OK, so the more expensive one is photographed in a prettier room, but the cheaper set is not that far off! Think of how many diapers/bibs/books/whatever you could buy with the savings!

Well, it IS

Apparently Kanye West, for whom I have an inexplicable weakness (but then, I have a thing for egomaniacs, they remind me of … me) is, apparently, quite the blogger. And good for him. Like all bloggers, sometimes he gets it right, sometimes he gets it wrong, and sometimes he splits the difference.

Like this:

This is, indeed retarded

Because we all know a $15,00.00 baby carriage covered with precious metals and diamonds is totally justified.

From KanyeUniverseCity, via WhatWouldJCrewDo?

This Ain’t Lamps Plus

Are you independently wealthy?  Inherited a large sum of money lately?  Did you make a killing in the real estate market before it went bust?  Did your bank robbery go off without a hitch?

Then I highly suggest you check out The Well-Appointed House  and peruse their children’s collection.  Because you will need quite a bit of money to buy even the cheapest items on the site.

But, it is one of those sites where you oooh and aaah over the unbearable cuteness that you are seeing.  Then, you look at the price, and you still think to yourself, “Damn… but they’re still sooooo cuuuuute!”

I’m going to focus on showing you the lamps, because they are unlike any that I have seen.  Granted, I travel in the wrong social circles to see these types of lighting fixtures in a kid’s room, so I guess that may not be saying much. 

Airplane Lamp

Frog Lamp

Humpty Dumpty Lamp

Mermaid Lamp

Man in the Blue Moon Lamp

Rabbit Lamp

Queen’s Tea Lamp

Cow Jumped Over the Moon Lamp

Butterfly Lamp

I love that Cow Jumped Over the Moon Lamp so much that I could sleep with it every night.

These handmade, one-of-a-kind items are so expensive that the price isn’t even listed on the website.  And you know what they say, if you have to ask the price, then you can’t afford it.  I’m actually afraid to ask.

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