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Petit Noir

My dear friends, you’ve no idea how brutal this world can be to an artistic soul. One by one, it eats them alive. Raymond Chandler. Dashiell Hammett. Dorothy Parker. Damon Runyan. Anita Loos. Ernest Hemingway.Mother Goose.

Yes, for is there any soul as fragile and artistic as that of a child’s storyteller? And yet as each tender Easy Reader, picture book, or pop-up manuscript is born, it is ruthlessly wrenched from its creator’s loving embrace and cast upon the heaving black waters of the heartless book market, there to sink or swim as its now-helpless progenitor can only clutch pearls or fedora and gape, wreathed in cigarette smoke and sheer terror (and then write about it on the Oprah forums). Oh! The Humanity!

Here, thanks to Kids in the Hall, perhaps the greatest sketch comedy troupe in history, is archival footage of one such writer’s brutal struggle through the long, dark, teddy bear’s picnic of the soul.

I was going to use their Teddy Bear’s Picnic skit, but that’s too dark even for me.

Celebrity Dad Faceoff

Dear Hugh Jackman Fan Club,

So far, you have enabled Mr. Jackman an unprecedented fifth win over Matthew Fox, who is certainly no slouch in the looks department. Not to mention Patrick Dempsey, Jason Bateman, Will Smith, and Daniel Craig, who also went down in flames.

Therefore, I have decided to throw some really big guns at you, just to see exactly what you are made of. Will you crumple in the face of the awesomeness that is this week’s challenger, or will you triumph yet again?

Only time will tell, my friends.

Let the showdown begin…

Photobucket vs. Photobucket

Simon Cowell’s Stylin’ Secrets!

That rapier wit, that irresistible malevolence, that roguish smile, the manly tan, the arm/chest pelt, those perfect teeth, those suspiciously buff pecs, the himbo pinup calendar: is it any wonder that Simon Cowell, evil overlord of American Idol, has won the hearts of so many? But there’s one more reason:

Simon Cowell, Evil Genius

The hair.

We at TeenyManolo, as dwellers in the Manolosphere and survivors of the Eighties, are uniquely placed to reveal to the world the secret of Simon Cowell’s mane muse. Where, in a world dominated by variations of the Trent Reznor and the George Clooney does a man get the inspiration for such a vividly gravity-defying, yet carefree and jungle-lush look?

From just one place, my friends:

Yes, it’s the comeback of the hottest look of the Eighties: The Monchhichi. Via toybender.com. Sex-AY! Is it any wonder they’re also the inspiration for a line of condoms?

Disney Princes: Rated R for “Rawrrrrrr!”

Here’s a little something to sustain the grownup in you through the umpteenth viewing of The Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, or Insert-Kid-Fave-Disney-Flick.

Remember that tip to help nervous people relax and enjoy public speaking? The one where you’re supposed to imagine the audience in their underwear? Well, it works pretty well for Disney films, too, as you will see if you click onward. (more…)

The Pacifying Power of the Classics

Rick Astley would never

via WanderingCoyote

Okay, so it’s not Beethoven. You think Beethoven’s Fifth would calm a crying baby? Behold the power of the greatest pacifier known to humanity, the ever-reliable Rickroll. I wonder what would happen if they played Rick Astley in Helmand; the entire region would break into a soporific version of the Hustle, shake hands, and declare peace. You doubt? You watch!

via Defamer.

Justis Leeg is justifyin

humorous pictures

Science Fiction changed my life (Museditions)

Wonder Bread as avant-garde art (Disembedded)

The littlest urinal (LilSugar)

Japanese booze for babies! (TrendsInJapan)

My kid is better than your kid (BarkeysGotBite, hat tip to CelebratingTheAbsurd)

My mom is worse than your mom (Dooce)

Dumb and Dumberer: new Food Network shows (FromScratch)

I hereby claim this female reproductive system in the name of…ME! (50books)

Craniofacial duplication: two perspectives (Fracas)

Make someone’s day: tell her your life sucks too! (WorkItMom)

April 1st comes later than expected (AwesomeMom)

More on the heartbreak of middle-class rejection (Dadsmacker)

Free the Fart! (MagnetoBoldToo)

Seat safety warning (SeismicTwitch)

Book vs Blog (PetiteAnglaise)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff

Chant it with me now, “Three-peat, three-peat, three-peat!”  Let’s congratulate Hugh Jackman for winning three CDF’s in a row, quite a feat if you look at his competition

Apparently I raised the bar just a bit too high with Mr. Wolverine, but hey, who wants to look at just semi-good looking guys?  It’s an inexact science, really, but I figured it was wiser to err on the side of having really good looking men rather than so-so ones.  I can’t hear you, but I know you are agreeing with me.

I still can’t hear you, but now I have a feeling you are saying, “Enough with the jibber-jabber, Glinda, on with this week’s contestants!”

Hugh Jackman, rowr! vs. Dr. McDreamy, I could use some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! Stat!

And I’m not sure why it is that so many Hollywood men refuse to shave for these premieres.

kickin’ it preschool

Okay, not preschool. This kid is six years old. And was, evidently, a robotic scorpion in a previous life.

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