The lovely reader eilish asks:

Glinda, what do you think of a covert movement to make all boys take proper ballroom dance courses? I think my son might thank me in the long run, but I’m curious what your thoughts are.

Glinda is of the opinion that Culture, with a capital C, is one of the most valuable things that we as parents can help our children become aware of.  Notice the Glinda did not say “like,” but at least some type of exposure is necessary.   Lack of  exposure may or may not lead to a dedication to NASCAR, the fondness for the bonging of the beer, a penchant for greasy trucker hats, or any number of unfortunate things.   Dance, along with art, writing, and music, are some of humanity’s expressions at their finest.   It is important that our children grow up to at least appreciate Culture and recognize its place in our society.

Ahhh, the Glinda can see it now, the handsome son dressed in the classic tuxedo, gliding across the mirror-like dance floor, leading his beautiful partner.  What mother would not love to see her son exuding such grace and elegance as he executes the perfect foxtrot?  ”Dancing With the Stars” is the ratings phenomenon for good reason, is it not?

Almost all women are smitten with a man who can comport himself with reasonable aplomb on the dance floor.  And while we as mothers may be aware of this, it is a difficult concept to convey to the young men in our lives. It seems that grace and elegance are shockingly low on the list of priorities for most boys.  Or perhaps grace and elegance while dodging the linebackers, or running the bases, but nothing that includes wearing shiny shoes with heels seems to count. 

The Glinda thinks that firstly, we should remember that dance, while still being Culture, is technically a sport.  Even if our sons do not see it that way, it is the truth. Dancers are athletes, who train and practice as much as any person with a ball of varying size and a playing field.  One cannot shuffle a few steps of the Electric Slide and call themselves a dancer. Getting the young man to see dance from this point of view may help to ease the resistance, although the Glinda is not betting on it. 

That being said, the Glinda thinks that such a thing as ballroom dancing should be treated as a sport.  Any more than you would force your child to play basketball, you should not necessarily force them to take the ballroom dancing classes.  The Glinda would suggest enrolling your child in a class for one particular style of ballroom dance, for example, the waltz.  And for however many courses it takes to master the basics of the waltz, that would be the commitment from the young person.  Just as if your child were to join a sport, you would have them finish out the season once the commitment was given.

But after that, base future attendance upon the enthusiasm, or lack thereof, of the participant.  The young man may begin by hating his dance lessons with the fire of a thousand white-hot suns.  Eventually, he may begin to like it a little, in spite of himself.  Or, depending on the young man, he may not.  This is where parental wisdom and knowledge of the particular child come into play.  At this point, you the parent can congratulate yourself on the exposure, however brief it may have been, to Culture.

However, as well-intentioned as it may be to try and attempt to forestall a lifetime’s worth of awkward chicken-like dances at weddings and parties, the lessons being given will only be as valuable as the one receiving them allows them to be. 

You’ve probably seen it already, but in case you haven’t:

Click the pic to see it full size. The site doesn’t give credit to the photographer, nor can I find that information anywhere, so if anyone knows who took this shot, please put it in the comments and we’ll link the pic to their site instead. In the meantime, here are a different kind of shadow children.

All right, here I thought I was being all tricky.  Since I mostly hone my tricks on a four year old, apparently I’m going to have to up my game.

The hippo blanket was indeed the more expensive item.  Which surprised me, because the circus blanket was appliqued, had embroidery, and has a satin backing. 

Poor, poor elephants, hardly anybody liked you!

One of the hair trends for boys and young men that just won’t go away is long, shaggy hair.  When it first came into vogue, I used to think, I can’t believe their moms are letting them do that!  I mean, they are probably just tired of nagging them about cutting their hair. 

 And then I started thinking, as I had to bribe my son to get his hair cut with the promise of a balloon and lollipop, that maybe they were on to something. 

Developing an appreciation for Nine Inch Nails before you’ve even outgrown the car seat? This kid is shockingly precocious, and no doubt destined to intimidate entire classrooms with his effortless cool!

As the YouTube commenter said, I just hope nobody catches him singing the words to Closer on the playground!

Have you ever watched The Price is Right and found yourself cackling gleefully when the overly perky contestant guessed the wrong prices and that poor dude in lederhosen fell off the Alps?

Well then, just picture me with perfectly coiffed grey hair, holding a slim microphone with my pinky sticking out, and a life’s mission to get you to spay and neuter your pets!  Or, if you prefer, big black glasses and a crew cut.  Either way works for me.

Now, I’m going to show you pictures of two similar items, and you are going to use your vast expertise in merchandise pricing to figure out which one retails for less. Finally, an outlet for that precious knowledge, gleaned over countless hours of pawing through racks and scouring internet catalogs.

Or, hey, just take a guess!

One of these baby blankets retails for $42.00, the other sells for $19.95.  Despite what you see in the pictures here, they are approximately the same size, weight, and made out of the same material. And this is where I shake my microphone gently in your direction and admonish you to remember that these are regular retail prices.

Is the cheapie this one:

or this one:

I want your guesses down below in the comments.  Check back on Friday to see if you were correct!

Do you like cupcakes? I like cupcakes. In fact, I don’t know anybody that doesn’t. Especially kids. Even if they won’t eat the cake part, the icing is always a goner.

Via Serious Eats we learn that school districts across this great land of ours are having our kids “Just Say No.”

Glinda, you ask, what are they saying “no” to? Drugs? Alcohol? My friends, the answer is that they are learning the dangers of a food that is the root of all evil, the cupcake. Sure it looks all sweet and innocent, but lurking beneath that yummy exterior is a lifetime of obesity! Cupcakes are a gateway food, didn’t you know?

It seems that with all the warranted concern over childhood obesity and rising Type II diabetes in children, schools are now looking to ban sweet treats in school. Even for special occasions such as a birthday.

I can see it now, “Boys and girls, it’s Natasha’s birthday, so her mom brought us all brussels sprouts and cabbage!” Can you hear the shouts of joy? I thought not.

I understand that with larger class sizes now being the norm (hey, why not a ban on that?) bringing treats to class for a birthday can result in what seems like many days of sugar-and-butter-fueled parties.

And yet again, we as a nation try to blame the majority of our societal ills on our school system.

I’m here to tell you that a child just does not gain significant amounts of weight from eating birthday cupcakes. Too many video games? Check. Not enough physical activity? Check. A lack of healthy foods consumed at home? Check-o-rama.  A grocery store filled to the brim with foods that have high fructose corn syrup? What do you think?

Now to be honest, I don’t always agree with the good folks in Texas, but they were actually able to pass a “Safe Cupcake Amendment” in the state’s nutritional school guidelines to retain the cupcake’s place in our national birthday psyches. Don’t mess with Texas, and hands off their cupcakes!

Why, why do we keep trying to take things away from our children instead of teaching them proper nutrition and most of all, moderation?  There has got to be a better way to do it, rather than an all-out ban.

But I’m guessing that what the cupcake really needs is a good publicist. It needs to focus on “charity” and being photographed holding a Bible. Hey, it worked for Paris Hilton, didn’t it?

So you can take this guy’s job away from him:

Welcome to the Kalamazoo Shcool District. That’s one helluva accent they got down there!