I know, I know. Because the children’s clothing company Underten is French, I am supposed to fall in love with how wonderfully sophisticated their stuff is, and go on and on about elan or other such things.

And often, that would be true.

But this tee shirt for babies? It is so many kinds of wrong.

Kids today already have a complete underappreciation for the fabulousness that was is Kermit the Frog. He is no longer part of Sesame Street (damn you Elmo!) and you can only catch Kermit’s gentle, philosophizing ways on DVD.

So, why are the French on a campaign to have Kermit scare the bejesus out of unknowing tots? Because Kermit looks completely deranged and like he is ready to bite you. Kermit would never bite you. He would put his skinny green arm around you and discuss the works of Diogenes, but bite? He would sooner have Animal play his head like a drum than bite someone. It just wasn’t his style.

Underten has also changed him from his beloved green to red. We all know that red is the color of anger, and Kermit rarely got mad. Maybe sometimes he didn’t like being green so much, but I don’t think he would have chosen red, either. Thanks, Underten, for making this unflattering choice without his input.

I understand that the ferocious, broken-toothed smile on various icons is a trademark design from Underten.  But if you malign Kermit, you have gone too far.

Free Kermit!

Oh yes, it’s that time of year. Again.

The thing is, it so much easier to not buy shoes for ourselves, because we can technically make do with what we’ve already got. But for kids? Unless they plan on going barefoot, there isn’t much of a choice. New footwear is a must at some point during the year. Here are some suggestions in time for the start of the new school year.

Vans Kids – Classic Slip-On Timeless styling that the kids of today just happen to love.

Converse Kids – Chuck Taylor All Star Slip and
Converse Kids – Chuck Taylor All Star Ox Whether they like the version with or without shoelaces, this classic is always in style.

Aster Kids – Aster USA This cute and well-made Mary Jane will probably outlast her ability to fit into it. Comes in lots of colors!

Roxy Kids – Princeton Fun and funky, this fashionable sneaker will be sure to make her happy.

Born Kids – Luna A well-constructed, sturdy shoe that doesn’t sacrifice on looks.

Jumping Jacks – Cheerleader III Who doesn’t love a saddle shoe? Goes perfectly with school uniforms!

Kenneth Cole Reaction Kids – Jump-Ster Comfortable, and goes with just about any outfit!

Puma Kids – Espera Glitter FS For the fashionista who isn’t averse to taking a little risk, these shoes have a big payoff.

Superga Kids – Genova Hook and Loop Available in some very cute prints, these canvas shoes are a favorite of Violet Affleck!

Roxy Kids – Bella I personally love these shoes, they were given unanimous five-star ratings from all reviewers!

Ecco Kids – Jade A bit spendy, but worth the price. On sale, too!

When I was getting ready to be married lo these eight years or so ago, I had this idea that I would pick out a special fragrance for my wedding day. One that I could break out for special occasions and remember the night my husband and I became legally wed.

After a fairly exhaustive search, I decided to purchase Flower by Kenzo. It was beautiful. Soft, delicate, and a little bit powdery, I fell in love with it almost instantly. And I’m not the only one, as Chandler Burr, perfume blogger for the New York Times, thinks it’s practically perfect as well.

Problem was, my husband for some reason hated the scent. He likes “strong” perfumes, and Flower could never be categorized as strong. So, since he disliked it so much, I used up the bottle I had and haven’t bought it since. But, I’m definitely thinking of buying it again in the very near future, as I figure he isn’t around me 24/7, right?

Theo Vickers is a good-looking boy, and he knows it: profiled in a lavish full-page article in Britain’s Daily Mail, he vamps for the camera with the offhand charisma of a natural aristocrat. Sophie, on the other hand, is a simple part-time admin worker from Tyne and Wear who’s lost both her head and most of her bank account to Theo’s seductive charms. Strangely, Sophie’s partner, a quiet carpet-layer by trade, has no issue with Sophie’s spending £17,000 on clothes and toys for Theo, including £4000 in shoes alone.

Theo is, it must be noted, their son.

From the Daily Mail:

He already has 40 pairs of trousers, 40 pairs of shorts, three leather jackets and 40 T-shirts – all from designer brands.

Miss Vickers admitted: ‘Theo is spoilt. Just one pair of my favourite shoes for him, baby Doc Martins, can cost £120, but I can afford it so why not?

‘Buying things for Theo gives me pleasure.’

She added: ‘It doesn’t mean he won’t know I have to work to give him a good life.’

It is not clear how Miss Vickers, who is a part-time administrative assistant from Tyne and Wear, and her carpet fitter partner Chris, 25, can afford such a lavish approach to parenthood.

Psychologist Dr Funke Baffour said she was stunned at Miss Vickers’ behaviour.

She added: ‘The baby has become a trophy. It’s about how Sophie’s feeling, not the baby who doesn’t know or care if his shoes are designer.

‘Spoiling a child means they don’t learn what life’s really about. She’s setting him up for failure, even at this early stage.’

Miss Vickers is planning to throw Theo a huge first birthday party with fifty guests and plans to spend hundreds on presents for him including a quad bike and trampoline.

She said: ‘I’m always going to want to give Theo everything. Chris would like another child, but I’m not sure. If I had more kids I wouldn’t be able to lavish so much on Theo.’

True, dat.

From the designer that brought you this:

Comes a line of junior wear inspired by this:

God help us.

Actually, Beyonce’s tour wardrobe was designed by Thierry Mugler, but the House of Dereon (read: Beyonce’s Mom) is bringing to stores a line of back to school clothes, shoes, and accessories that is “inspired” by hm. Which I guess is a nice way of saying that they are ripping him off?

I see nothing I would want my teen daughter to wear to school. The only school it would be appropriate for is one devoted to teaching depressed hookers. Ok, ok, they aren’t that bad. They actually kind of bore me. But the overall look, especially the shoes, seems to serve more of a club-going sensibility than that of advanced trig.

However, Beyonce is a talented woman and is looked up to by many teens. The price points for the collection are just right, ranging from $25 to $75. Let’s just hope teens can mix pieces from the collection with more, ah, school-appropriate wear. And hopefully ditch the shoes altogether.

But, don’t be surprised to see the depressed hooker look at a high school near you this fall.

Guess who is introducing a luxury line of dresses for toddlers in the middle of a recession?

Oscar de la Renta, of course!

According to the article in W magazine, the dresses are in fabrics such as silk and crepe de chine, exactly the kinds of fabrics I want my three year old to wear!

Not that I think there is anything wrong with little girls having pretty dresses. Of course they should have pretty dresses. Just maybe not dresses that cost from $230 to $330. I know that there will always be a class of people who thinks nothing of buying a three hundred dollar dress for their child, it just seems weird when so many people are out of work to purchase something so expensive that will be worn for all of six months or so.

I also think that if I dressed my daughter in something that cost that much money, I would be following her around and perhaps even feeding her myself just to make sure she didn’t get a stain and ruin the dress.

Granted, the end of the piece states that Oscar will be donating $100 from every sale to the Children’s Defense Fund, which is definitely a worthy cause. But I would sort of rather people just donated on their own, you know?

Or, maybe I’m just jealous.

Because life would simply not be complete without a sneaker that features Linus in the pumpkin patch, right?

New Balance is teaming with the Peanuts gang for a series of shoes to be released this October, natch.

I have to say I’m dubious about the success of this line. The current generation of children does not view the Peanuts as any sort of cultural touchstone like those of us who grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. Who amongst us doesn’t remember the special privilege of getting to stay up late to watch all of the Peanuts “television events,” with that cool multi-colored, spiralling “SPECIAL” that would twirl it’s way around your screen? And the very important-sounding music that accompanied it?

Sadly, I don’t think kids such as my son will even be slightly interested in wearing these shoes, and they will only be made in children’s sizes.

I think New Balance is missing their main market, hipsters and nostalgic Gen X’ers.

Oh, you say, yet another pairing of a large retailer with a hot fashion designer?  Famous designers Isaac Mizrahi, Proenza Schouler, Viktor and Rolf, Roberto Cavalli, and Proenza Schouler have all teamed up with various clothing stores to produce specialty clothing lines.

But this time it’s strictly for kids!

Stella McCartney, formerly creative director of Chloe, now has her own collections walking down the runway.  And she’s signed on to produce an exclusive line for GapKids and BabyGap, due in selected stores in November of this year.  She has three kids of her own, so at least we aren’t talking about someone who has no idea how infant clothing works.  Or should work, anyway, as in easy diaper access! I don’t care how cute the thing is, if I can’t quickly get to the diaper, the article simply won’t be worn often.

Stella is also known for being eco-friendly with many of her perfume, beauty, and shoe lines, so we’ll see if she includes any organic cotton in the mix.  I have a feeling she will. And if you’re wondering, that’s a Stella-designed T-shirt that Sir Paul is wearing in the picture above.

Here’s what Paul’s daughter has to say about children’s clothing:

“For years now I’ve wanted to create a collection for kids, it’s something I’ve often been asked about. I believe that this one-off collaboration will be a great way for customers to be able to participate in the Stella McCartney brand. I believe that kids clothing should be more accessibly priced, which is particularly important at the moment given the current climate. It’s really exciting for us to do a boys and girls collection for the first time.”

Amen, sister!  Although Stella McCartney’s and my idea of “accessibly priced” might be a wee bit different seeing as how she grew up with a gazillionaire as a father, I’m still really interested to see what the clothes will look like.