I was trying to think of something for a Valentine’s day list, and instead came up with items that either have “heart” in the name, or are decorated with hearts.

I’m guessing this may not be a typical Valentine’s Day list, but that’s all right with me.

Webkinz Plush Stuffed Animal Love Monkey A must for the Webkinz fanatic in your life.

Domo Valentine’s Day Plush So ugly he’s cute!

Lekue Silicone Ice Cube Tray Make perfect hearts of ice every time!

The Day It Rained Hearts A classic Valentine’s Day book for kids.

Polar F6 Women’s Heart Rate Monitor Watch Maybe not a gift I would suggest a guy to get for Valentine’s Day, but it fits my theme.

Kaiser Bakeware Heart Cookie Cutters Make cookie hearts in a jiffy with 6 sizes to choose from.

JanSport Superbreak Backpack Hearts galore decorate this excellent backpack.

Folding Hearts Learn how to make over 51 origami heart designs from origami master Sy Chen.

Heart of Darkness Hey, not everyone likes Valentine’s Day!

Now, I’m all for being healthy. I’m all for exercising (as long as it’s not raining, or too cold, or the weekend, or I have anything better to do). I’m all for eating right. But today I saw something.

And that? That thing that I saw? That just ain’t right.

I shook my head. I had another cup of coffee. I watched old Lily Tomlin specials.

I trawled the internet, looking for parallels, and I found them, of varying degrees of utility and authority: The Olive Oil Diet. The Coconut Oil Diet. The Linseed Oil Diet. The Palm Oil Diet.

But…the Baby Fat Diet?

I don’t care what they say: that shit’s just not right!

I will pass along to you my super-secret recipe for the most delicious scones ever. I don’t know why some people like to hoard their recipes. I say the more people that can taste the deliciousness, the better!

I’m giving these out as gifts this year, and some people have even requested them as their gift! They are just that good! Most people don’t make scones, so they stand out from the cookies and fruitcakes. They are super easy and quick to bake.

It’s a pretty mistake-tolerant recipe, I remember the first time I made it I forgot the baking powder, and they were still more than edible. Follow the recipe to the letter, and you can’t go wrong. And they really mean it when they say don’t over-mix or over-handle the dough. I don’t do raisins, but these scones can handle almost anything you want to add, including chocolate chips, blueberries, cranberries, cherries, candied ginger, walnuts, or whatever else floats your boat! You may also add 1 tsp. vanilla extract if you wish.

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
1 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter
1 egg
1 cup raisins (optional)

DIRECTIONS
1. In a small bowl, blend the sour cream and baking soda, and set aside.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a large baking sheet.

3. In a large bowl, mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, cream of tartar, and salt. Cut in the butter. Stir the sour cream mixture and egg into the flour mixture until just moistened. Mix in the raisins.

4. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead briefly. Roll or pat dough into a 3/4 inch thick round. Cut into 12 wedges, and place them 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheet.

5. Bake 12 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown on the bottom.

Could I technically have any of these things at any time of the year?

Yes.

But holiday foods are associated with the holiday, and somehow it just doesn’t seem right to eat candy canes in July. Or, at least it doesn’t seem right to me. So here are my favorite goodies that I only indulge in once a year.

Thumbprint cookies

If you’ve never had these, bake some or find someone that will bake them for you. Soooo good.

Chocolate Peppermint Bark

Ahhh, mint and chocolate. Never a bad combination.

Russian Tea Cakes

Now some may say that these are not holiday cookies, but in my family they are. And it’s my list, so there.

Fudge

Again, most people I know only do homemade fudge at this time of year. I’ll take mine with walnuts, please.

Gingerbread

I will admit to not actually liking the taste of gingerbread. But I enjoy looking at things made with gingerbread, so on the list it goes.

Candy Canes

Yes, they are totally ubiquitous, but it isn’t Christmas until somebody breaks out the candy canes.

Cut-out and decorated Sugar Cookies

Angels, bells, Santas, stars, all of them taste great and are fun to make with the whole family. Silver pastilles on them scream Christmas to me.

Pizzelle

I am part Italian, so these bring back lots of memories of Christmas at Nonna’s house. Light, not-too-sweet, and tinged with anise, they are a great complement to a heavy Christmas meal. Or, uh, before a meal. Or sometimes during a meal…

Hanukkah Doughnuts

Fried dough, jelly, and powdered sugar? I’m all over that.

Peanut Brittle

Why is this candy associated with Christmas? I don’t know, but it is, and I’ll take some any time somebody offers it.

What about you? What foods do you look forward to?

I’m not sure, but I think this was taken at Sarah Palin’s office:

pic credit PhotoJunkie

So your family, your pancreas, your teeth, your dignity, and your liver have made it through another Halloween. Now to deal with the fallout.

My mother would give us each five pieces of candy on Halloween itself and keep the rest to sort through overnight, checking for pins in apples, etc. We never did get a bad piece, but once I turned eight I sort of realized that the volume of candy was substantially reduced the next day. After that I insisted on staying up and auditing her candy check. You can’t pull a fast one on raincoaster, nosireee. Well, not EIGHT years in a row!

But now it’s Halloween Hangover day and time to clean up. Gather candy wrappers from pockets and flowerpots, wash the soap off the windows and eggs off the car (presuming you ran out of candy and didn’t give the universal Jack O’Lantern Gone Dark signal), and dispose of the Jack O’Lantern itself.

Hummingbird604 has some tips:

People tend to forget that they have to dispose of the pumpkin once the Halloween celebrations are over. So, when you think about disposing of your pumpkin, remember that you can

– Compost it – Cut it in very small pieces and throw it in the composting bin.

– Dispose it in the organic section of your trash bin – Don’t forget to separate organics from inorganics!

Given how many households and businesses carve pumpkins, I would appreciate if you thought about the negative environmental consequences of inadequate disposal.

Ah, but he’s left off the best way of all: baking! Contrary to popular opinion, there’s no actual law preventing you from making and serving pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie and pumpkin cupcakes or even pumpkin stew on non-holiday days, and given the price of a good, thick pumpkin I’d be looking at recycling it in this way before using it to nourish my night-blooming gardenia garden. Toss the carbon-coated lid and anything that doesn’t look fresh and roast/bake/puree away! Just be sure to do it within 24 hours.

Stolen from marriedtothesea.com.

What if the Buddha were just some guy in his mom’s basement (LettersHomeToYou)

Food porn: getting back to your roots (Fracas)

Contest: Punkins in the Pumpkin Patch (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Ear this! (LAStylistMom)

It’s never too early for Christmas! (MagnetoBoldToo)

Cringe: teenage livejournal entries of the rich and famous (Dooce)

Jenny McCarthy claims to work miracles (Babyrazzi)

The death of recess (Dadsmacker)

Cake! (VitaFapis via 69015)