Teeny Manolo

Longtime reader Cherry asks:

Dear Glinda,
Just because it is the season and I’m curious how parents handle things with their kids at this time of year:
How you do deal with the pressures from the Munchkin for Christmas presents? Or has he hit that stage yet?

Cherry, any doubts you have about my son hitting the “all about the presents” stage would be allayed by the very long list of items dictated to me by said five year old in a surprisingly detailed letter to Santa.  We’ll see if Santa can deliver some PVC pipe for him to make his own marble run, as well as some building material for a treehouse.  That should be a challenge.

The interesting part of it is that my son doesn’t watch network television, so he has little exposure to the mighty media forces on display every Saturday morning.

But still, like any kid, he has things in mind that he wants and since his wants are so far very simple, we can handle it.

However, to take some of the emphasis off of himself and what he will be getting, I have tried this year to include him in some philanthropic pursuits which include going with me to the store to pick out toys for some underprivileged children, as well as going through his current set of toys together and picking some to donate to another charity. 

Which is much harder than it sounds, actually, because every toy suddenly becomes a favorite that is unable to be parted with.  Even though it hasn’t been so much as looked at in the past three months, it immediately becomes his most favorite toy that he has loved always. I stand over him and say, too bad dude, you’ve got to pick.  The accompanying dramatics should really get him nominated for an Oscar, but after the tough decisions are made, he feels proud of himself.

I’m not sure how much worse it will get in the coming years, but I hope to balance any sense of entitlement with making sure that we do charitable works and deeds.  And not just at Christmas, but throughout the year. Then, I’ll just cross my fingers and hope that the message that it’s not all about him manages to penetrate that bubble of self-importance that childen often carry themselves around in.

Got a question for us here at Teeny Manolo? Email to theglinda @ gmaildotcom or raincoaster @ gmaildotcom

We are aware, here in the Manolosphere, that there are those who do not love ballet. We feel sorry for them, and we assume that they were traumatized in a horrible pointe shoe accident as toddlers. We seek, therefore, to reintroduce them to this finest of all athletic arts one bunny hop at a time.

We will start them off on The Nutcracker.

Not the story; if you actually read E.T.A. Hoffman you quickly see that he was a nutbar of the very nuttiest type. We start them off right with the ballet itself.

Now, this ballet, it has many things going for it. It has magic. It has a mysterious sugar daddy. It has a prince. It has soldiers and cossacks and battles and rats. And, if it’s the Pacific Northwest Ballet version, it has sets designed by Maurice Sendak and special effects whipped up by Boeing engineers in their spare time (presumably making airplanes stay up is dull relative to making Christmas trees explode).

Oh, and it has dancing, too.

But, ballet fan though I may be, I maintain that the best part of the Nutcracker is the outfits.

Not those outfits.

These ones.

A full third of my motivation for going to this particular ballet is the chance to see all the cute little kids dressed up and looking good; given the fact that ballets are rarely performed adjacent to food or Play-Doh, it’s also the one chance they have to STAY looking good for several hours. Not a few parents cram the photo with Santa into this day; although their children may be overwrought and unhinged by such a jam-packed day, they do look fabulous, and that’s what counts when Aunt Fran is comparing your brood to her sister’s, eh?

But while there are a billion attractive options for girls formal dresses, what have we got for little boys?

Still.

Equal rights, my friends, include the right to be equally fabulous, and I’m afraid this just doesn’t do it for me, velvet though it may be. Go ahead, search: Amazon doesn’t even have a category for boy’s formal wear. I suppose the powers that be simply assume that your boys will be happy with a band tee, a mackinaw, and some overalls for their special occasions. Or variations on the sailor suit, which really hasn’t been the same since Tom of Finland. Really, there’s a huge gap where boy’s formal wear could be; if you trawl through “boy’s suits and sport coats” on Amazon you end up looking at orange pj sets and some hip-hop track suits with satin trim. It’s enough to give one the vapours, whatever they are.

Now, the vest thing I understand. Try wrestling a willful five-year-old into the sausage-casing sleeves of a suit jacket and tell me that vests aren’t a good thing. Indeed, I’m going out on a limb here and saying that, for small boys, vests are an acceptable substitute for suit jackets. This special exemption ends when the child is old enough to learn cursive and/or l33t. In the meantime, may we suggest:

moar funny pictures

more at twiigs.com…

Ah, the Eighties. A decade better contemplated in remembrance than lived through at the time, yet one which has a tenacious hold on our culture to this very day. Oh, sure, the shoulderpadded power suits of yesteryear may have gone the way of the poodle skirt and the bustle, but some things we have always with us.
It is with this spirit of remembrance in mind, and also to help bump that autoplaying Child’s Christmas Podcast in Wales off the front page, that we here at TeenyManolo present for your enjoyment that olde-tyme classic, Christmas in Hollis, by yo momma’s favorite rappers, Run DMC.

And lyrics over the jump because yes, you ARE going to want to sing along to this after the second eggnog.
(more…)

And no, that’s not a snarky comment about Tupac.

Truly it has been said that naught is eternal in this world but God in his majesty and the indestructable and legended fruitcake. Here we see what it takes to finally rid the world of the menace which is this high specific gravity havin’, belly leadening, energy deadening, tastebud annihilating concoction of fruit, flour, and, apparently, most of the bottom half of the periodic table.

The power of rap, boyz ‘n grrrlz, the power of rap.

From DeathOfAFruitcake.com, which also provides alternate, less-amusing methods of ridding yourself of the doughy menace such as: exorcism, committee, road rage, and pinata.

Radical rappin’ lyrics after the jump: (more…)

Hark to the beautiful, bountiful baritone of Dylan Thomas, y’all, reading his own Christmas classic, A Child’s Christmas in Wales. So, which part is your favorite? I’ve got a weakness for the “junior firemen” and their prompt, enthusiastic action in the face of a rather dramatic turning point in the narrative.

(not exactly Wordless for Wednesday, am I? Oh well, I always was a contrarian!)

Got some last-minute gift shopping to do, but on the cheap? Then this list is for you.

Aqua Doodle Kit

Magnetic Dress-Up Set

Puppytunes

Magic School Bus Body Kit

Spiral Draw

Hop Along Horsie

100 Piece Block Set

Deluxe Chef Set

Honey Bee Tree

IlluStory

Ah, the great traditions of the holiday season. The roasted turkey! The Christmas tree! The dazzling lights! The shopping!

The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre reading A Christmas Carol.

and Part II, which comes with an F-word warning, but is worth watching nonetheless.

Seriously, it’s way better this way. Hard to think of a dull “classic” that couldn’t be improved by being performed crazy karaoke-style by a pair of Hebridean socks (not Argyle, strangely). I can hardly wait till they get started on The Wasteland!

Christmas books aren’t only for Christmas, you know! But, they can help children understand a sometimes overwhelming time of year. And the best books of all teach them that there is more to the Christmas spirit than just presents under the tree.

The Polar Express

The Night Before Christmas

Olive, The Other Reindeer

Santa Calls

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The Sweet Smell of Christmas (Scented Storybook)

The Legend of the Pointsettia

Mooseltoe

The 12 Days of Christmas (Pop-Up Book)

A Christmas Carol

Dream Snow

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Why Christmas Trees Aren’t Perfect 

The Crippled Lamb

Auntie Claus

The Gift of the Magi