Am I the only person who wants to grab Elle MacPherson’s five year old off those handlebars?

One road bump and the child is going to have a serious case of road rash.

Last week, I asked you what your ideal “life” situation would be. Sixty-four percent said they would most like to work part time and be home most of the time. I heartily agree. It is interesting to note that only sixteen percent felt that working full time was perfect. Sarah Palin must have been one of that sixteen percent…

So this week, I want to continue on the path so kindly begun by raincoaster with Friday’s Caption Contest. It’s about babies! Magazines! And celebrities! Because with all the heavy political talk all around us, sometimes it’s nice to just surrender yourself to the vapid. Notice though, that I said sometimes.

Notorious pitching star and supermodel Naomi Campbell has the all-clear for reproduction!

Naomi underwent an operation to remove what she thought was a small cyst,but turned out to be something more. …”[doctors] thought it was a cyst. When they opened it up they realized it was more.I was not able to have children up until March. Now it’s in God’s hands. I would love to have a family but it’s up to God. I do want to have kids. I’m 38 years old.”

It’s in God’s hands, but I do hope her parole officer at least gives testimony at the hearing.

Now that Ms. Spears is back, slimmed, extended, tanned, rested and ready, the tabloids are begging to know her diet secrets (what, “chainsmoking, three hours of daily rehearsals, and not eating” doesn’t work for them?). We here at TeenyManolo have sussed out the situation, made contact with not a few shady characters (are there any else in her life?) and discovered the secret.

Here, at last, via Meg Tucker, is the long-rumoured recipe for Britney Spears’s Cheeto Chicken Casserole!

Britney’s Cheetos Chicken Casserole

Ingredients:

4 to 6 chicken breasts cooked and cut into bite-sized pieces
1 can of cream of chicken soup
4 hard oiled eggs
1 onion diced
1/4 c. mayonnaise
1/4 to 1/2 c. chopped celery
1 bag of Crushed Cheetos for topping

Directions:

1) Mix above ingredients together and put into casserole dish
2) Crush enough Cheetos to cover top
3) Bake in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes.

Or just adapt a page from the great Samuel Johnson, who explained that “A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.”

You’ve all heard of Dara Torres. There is no way you could not have heard about her. You know, the 41 year old Olympic swimmer and mother of a two year old, who is shattering stereotypes and breaking records everywhere she goes.

Well, I’m tired of hearing about her inspirational story. You know, the one where she has worked hard, sacrificed much, and stared adversity in the face until it gave up and sulked in the corner where it belonged.

I want to like her, I really do. She’s intelligent and articulate. She seems like she would be a fun person to hang out with.

But she’s making slacker moms like me look bad.

My husband is suddenly wondering why he has to take out the trash, because obviously women have the strength for such tasks. He’s also questioning my dreams and ambitions, which are limited to folding all the laundry and becoming the kindergarten room mother. The laundry dream has yet to be achieved, and I’m still in training for the room mother position.

Yes, my strategy of keeping everyone’s expectations low has worked suprisingly well so far. That way when I actually do something, it looks like I have gone above and beyond the call of duty.

But noooooo.

Dara had to come into town. Bringing her cute smile and six-pack abs with her. Oh, and that annoying work ethic.

Yes, Dara, just please go ahead and win your medals. Prove to everyone that motherhood and aging are no match against a woman of perseverance and talent.

Then maybe my husband will forget about you, and I can go back to looking impressive when I weed the entire front yard.

In one week.

toothpastefordinner.com

People will start saying you don’t love your baby when they see him pathetically gumming an Arrowroot cracker. Remember when Britney was looking into getting her baby’s teeth bleached…only the baby didn’t have any teeth yet? That’s the market for these things.

Happy 39th anniversary to Sesame Street, but why did they decide to have an open bar? Everyone knows what happens at those kinds of office parties.

Handsy little devil, ain’t he?

As responsible Parentosphere bloggers we’ve previously noted the bizarre celebrity fad for money as literal plaything. See this image of adorable Violet Affleck, toying with the weekend box office take for Daddy’s last movie.

Well, the fad has spread even unto the Scientology Celebrity Center, and amid shocking, completely unforseen reports that Tom Cruise can no longer command $20 million a picture, we can see that the normally highly competitive Suri “Louboutins” Cruise has had to scale back from Benjamins to Jacksons as well.