Teeny Manolo

Oh, my. Mrs. Z (the artist formerly known as Beyonce) has a lot to answer for with this:

From PopGumbo via Gawker

George Bush is the greatest president in the history of presidents.

Mission was accomplished.

Toddlers never throw tantrums.

I live in a huge mansion with a cook, a maid, and a butler.

Junk food is good for you and helps you lose weight.

Pamela Anderson is an Oscar-winning actress.

Christian is as straight as a ruler.

The economy is strong.

And Dina Lohan has received a “Top Mom” of the year award.

I am in Bizarro World, aren’t I? 

Back in the sepia-toned, bell-bottomed days of the Seventies when this documentary was shot, Langley was a lovely village surrounded by stables and farms, three-quarters of an hour’s leisurely drive outside of Vancouver. Now it is a strip-mall-encircled bedroom community an hour’s infuriatingly tense drive outside of Vancouver with, improbably, stables and farms still interspersed between SUV dealerships.

And this is the Langley School Music Project, a public school initiative by Hans Fenger, a teacher in the system. Just another public school teacher.

In the early 70s, Vancouver musician Hans Fenger decided to get a real job. His girlfriend was pregnant, and he couldn’t raise a family on earnings from club gigs and guitar lessons. He got a teaching certificate and a job in the Langley school district.

Here is some great analysis from The Delete Bin:

The recordings were literally a school project, headed up by music teacher Hans Fenger based in Langely B.C (just up the road from where I’m writing this), and incorporating 60 students who sang and played percussion instruments on songs which included David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”, Paul McCartney & Wings’ “Band on the Run”, the Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows”, and the Eagles’ “Desperado”. The record polarized opinion. Some said that the takes on the songs create a sort of ghostly, otherworldly effect, while others denounced it as sounding amateurish and very “school assembly” in delivery. Perhaps it’s their origin which makes these recordings so compelling. Fenger had this to say about the project and the kids who created it:

“I knew virtually nothing about conventional music education, and didn’t know how to teach singing. Above all, I knew nothing of what children’s music was supposed to be. But the kids had a grasp of what they liked: emotion, drama, and making music as a group. Whether the results were good, bad, in tune or out was no big deal — they had élan. This was not the way music was traditionally taught. But then I never liked conventional ‘children’s music,’ which is condescending and ignores the reality of children’s lives, which can be dark and scary. These children hated ‘cute.’ They cherished songs that evoked loneliness and sadness.”

And now, click on to see (and hear) the kids:
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Sigh. I didn’t really want to go here. I really didn’t. But…

Who exactly are we trying to kid?

All these people who are screeching in outrage at the photo above of a “naked” Miley Cyrus need to step back for a second and take a deep Zen breath. And unfortunately, it seems I must disagree with my esteemed colleague on this issue.

I happen to live in an area that is not only hot, but not too far away from the beach.

Compared to half the girls parading around the area, Miley is looking pretty freaking demure.

A year or two ago it was de rigeur  for teen girls to wear tight crop tees with micro minis, which as a combo happen to show quite a bit of flesh. I mean, go take a look at one of the dresses from Juicy Couture’s current line. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you. Now ask yourself, what is the huge difference? And then tell me, because I’d really like to know.

Is it the sheet? Is it the tousled hair? Is there an uncomfortable whiff of something post-coital about the picture?

Because I don’t remember quite this type of outcry when young Jamie Lynn Spears announced her pregnancy, and she obviously didn’t just hint around at the whole sex thing.

Why are we so surprised that young people are embracing the provocative and sexual?

I mean, we are the country of Brazilians for young girls, of plastic surgery for teens, of flaunting everything we’ve got.  The media role models of these girls are the likes of Paris “Skank” Hilton and Lindsay “Drunk” Lohan.  They see Britney flashing her hoo-ha practically every month, naked photos of Vanessa Hudgens,  and I don’t think they give it much thought.

I’m not saying that it’s a good thing, but there it is.

Frankly, I’m shocked that anyone else is shocked.

And if you truly think this picture is trash-tastic, then I advise you to never go onto MySpace.

*Hat tip to superfantastic reader Seana for alerting me to the SFGate article!

Friends, it is Monday, I’m fresh out of Merlot, it’s hailing, my new DVD player needs to be returned, my CD drive keeps crashing my computer, I’ve lost ten pounds this weekend via oyster poisoning, and would someone please tell 15-year-old Miley Cyrus to HELLO! KEEP HER BLOODY CLOTHES ON!
< /rant >

Really expensive dress? Check.

Really expensive white dress? Check.

Sandals? Check.

Sandals with no socks? Check.

Sandals with no socks that in no way match the dress? Check.

Are we ready for a day at the dirty, sandy park? Yessirree!

see more loldogs ask - i can has hotdog?

It isn’t the makeup artists to create a flawless complexion…

Or the fabulous dresses… Well in this case the, uh, supposed access to fabulous dresses whether taken advantage of or not…

Or the beautiful updos and bling…

Not the unlimited snack runs…

It isn’t the perfectly toned bodies right after childbirth…

It isn’t even all the money they spend for the plastic surgeries to get the bodies…

No, it is none of that.

Do you realize that none of the children of any of these women were around when these pictures were taken?

It’s the babysitting I want, my friends. 

They can have all the rest, but I want the babysitting.  If I was able to ditch my kid as often as they do, I’d have a big smile on my face too!

You would not believe the furor this picture has caused on the internets.  I won’t bother linking to any of them, if you’re curious you can simply Google something with Angelina and Cheetos.

The gist of quite a few snarky posts were that ohmigod, Angelina Jolie feeds her kids junk food! Bad mother alert! Bad mother alert!

You know what I say? 

Fabulous!

As long as junk food is eaten in moderation, I don’t see anything wrong with it. And I highly doubt that these kids have Pop Tarts for breakfast, Cheetos for lunch and hot dogs for dinner every day.

Kids like junk food.  Should they be fed junk food at every meal? No.  Should they get junk food every time they want it? No.

But.

If a mom can’t relax and let her kids have some now and then, then it becomes the forbidden food that they want to have all the time.  It’s basic psychology that to deny access to something makes it all the more attractive.  And trust me, they will find a way to get it without you knowing, all the while pretending to crave your special brown rice and broccoli recipe.   I know this from experience.

So the self-proclaimed food police can have their macrobiotic diets and whatnot while the rest of us have a little snack.

Ice cream, anyone?