Teeny Manolo

Here are our fearsome subjects for Friday’s Caption Contest. Don’t listen to their silvery tongues; they will try to tempt you with cookies!

The force is strong with all of you, for you have chosen Ewan MscGregor over David Boreanaz. David fans put up a good fight, and Ewan won with a small margin of seven percent. Apparently, you were as taken with him as I was in Moulin Rouge. You know, because his role in Trainspotting just does not count.

Today’s mancandy challenger is one you might know via a little show with a hospital called Seattle Grace.

Cute guy coming up, stat!

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Well, the weekend has come and gone, the placenta is buried, the comments have accumulated, and it’s time to announce the winner of the Friday Caption Contest.

gemdiva Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Taking only what they could carry, The McConaughey clan set out in search of a better life and a gas station with clean bathrooms and a baby changing table.

And what virtual swag shall we hypothetically present to our champion? Obviously nothing other than the MARC BY MARC JACOBS ‘Dr. Q - Lil Riz’ Pleated Hobo bag. If she’s rolling with this packmule posse, she’ll need both hands free.

You know what to do with this lovely image from lolebrity.net, so do it in the comments section (and yes, it is permissible to say “raincoaster, you are WAY too self-promoterly” but only once in each comment).

Aaaaand the winner is….

David Boreanaz!  Otherwise known as Buffy’s Angel, and currently starring on some show I don’t watch.  But maybe I should rethink that, because dude just won over Brad freaking Pitt!  Sorry Brad, somehow you have lost touch with your female fan base.  Either that or the female fan base just prefers guys in tubs over ones frolicking on the beach.  I don’t ask why, my friends, I just put up the polls.

Today’s contestant hails from a mighty clan of Scots, and seriously, he’s had me ever since Moulin Rouge.  There was something about the way he threw himself into that part that has forever endeared him to me. 

So, we will see if he had the same effect upon you, or if you are all about splish-splashing with David.

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My friends, you never cease to amaze me.

I dare say that this is the only place on the vast internets that would overwhelmingly vote for Stephen Colbert over Brad Pitt.

You passed my little test with flying colors.

And that is why I love you so.

I am going to place Mr. Colbert into the Hall of Fame, which is exactly where he belongs.

And I’m going to give Brad another shot because I know that deep down, you really like those abs, too.

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In last week’s faceoff, Brad Pitt won over Matt Damon by just a little bit.  Which got me to thinking, many of you have stated in the comments that a certain celebrity Dad wasn’t talented enough, or intellectually stimulating enough for you to vote for him, even though he is very hot (see Matthew McConaughey).

Now I am going to give you the ultimate beauty vs. brains choice.  Not that one is totally stupid, and not that the other one is ugly.  But.  One will never be a doctoral candidate, and the other will probably never be asked to do Playgirl.

Let’s see if you are all about the IQ and talent, or if a nice six-pack is enough to persuade you to abandon your lofty ideals.

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You know, it’s hardly ever even a contest around here, because it seems that one contestant just keeps kicking the butt of his opponent no matter what I do.  Last week was no exception, as Matt Damon won with two-thirds of the vote.  I personally think that Matt Damon, while definitely attractive and certainly I wouldn’t turn down a drink with him, is not as “hot” as Matthew McConaughey. 

Now, we are getting down to the final few Dads in this particular edition of Celebrity Dad Faceoff, I’ve got an exciting new twist in the next couple of weeks.  Uh, well, at least I think it’s exciting.  But then, I thought that Matthew McConaughey was hotter than Matt Damon, so maybe only a quarter of you will agree with me.

Anyhoo, onward and upward!

And, have you noticed the distinct lack of clothing I’ve been featuring lately?

Hey, it’s Friday. It’s the least I can do for you.

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I was moderately good at math when I was in school, but then as always profoundly lazy and am thus, very glad that The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman, the only UK fashion writer worth following, has gone ahead and done the cold, hard calculations. Yes, as you’ve always suspected, there is a specific formula to the monetary value of celebrity baby photos.

Now, nobody here is asserting on the record that breeding is more lucrative than releasing a new album. On the record.

But…

Once A-list children made their debut at the Crillon ball in Paris; now they’re on the cover of a Richard Desmond publication - OK!, generally, not Asian Babes…

Some might think these prices are the product of a celebrity-obsessed media that believes its own self-produced hype. In fact, they are the result of a strict mathematical formula: Value of pictures = Fame of parents x glamorousness of mother during pregnancy x general attractiveness of both parents (no one wants to fork out a couple of mil for an ugly baby) + any past scandal that either parent has overcome to reach this ending + funniness of child’s name. Divide amount by two-thirds if child is adopted: the interest in celebrity kids is to see how the celebrity’s genes have fared, you see.

As if there isn’t already an obscure branch of calculus devoted to the economics of celebrity adoption. I believe that Cambridge will shortly boast the Madonna Chair in African PhotoOps.

The entire run-up to the birth of the Jolie-Pitt twins has amused me from the get go. Or perhaps bemused is a better description.

There was the whole “OMG! Angelina Jolie is in the hospital awaiting the birth of her twins!” frenzy that made no sense to me. Straight-faced news infotainment anchors would discuss in serious tones the fact that she was in the hospital and in bed and blah, blah, blah…

Hello people! Many women who are carrying twins are placed on bedrest in the last few weeks, if not the entire last trimester, to ensure that the mother rests and that those two little ones can stay in there for the longest time possible. It’s not unusual, it’s not really a big deal, and it certainly doesn’t deserve the sort of coverage it garnered.

Then even better was the “She’s in the hospital and she’s cranky!” Please give me the name of someone who enjoys a hospital stay. Of course she’s cranky! It’s summer, her hormones are in full throttle, she’s about to have two babies at once, and she’s eating hospital food. I totally sympathize.

It was even bigger news when Brad would visit her at the hospital. Yes, if I am carrying your children you are damn well going to visit me at the hospital. And you’d better bring snacks, too! Would you expect him to never see her? Then they would run the headline “Bad Dad Brad” or some such ridiculous thing. And the press seemed surprised that he would actually bring their other children to see their mother.

Newsflash! Kids miss their mom when she’s not there! The best way to deal with that? Let them see her! You know Occam’s Razor and all that.

But hey, that doesn’t make for very entertaining copy, does it?

So, now we can breathe a sigh of relief that the whirlwind is over.

That is, until Gwen Stefani goes into labor and then all hell is going to break loose.

Again.