I might be the only one, but watching babies speak with adult voices creeps me out.

I didn’t like it so much in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” which was the first time I remember seeing the concept. But at least it was understandable as a plot device, and it was an animated baby, which made it a bit easier to swallow. And maybe because it was just an awesome movie in general.

The E*Trade commercials are the ones that really freak me out, because it is a real baby with a (poorly) CGI’d mouth, and some snarky, slacker-sounding dude doing the voice. The dissonance is what is supposed to get your attention, but it makes me actively loathe them in a manner that just isn’t seemly.

The jury, however, is out on this one. I find it strangely compelling, but it certainly doesn’t make me want to buy Evian.

Actually in watching that again, I think the scariest part is the French voice at the end, which sounds like a parched, chain-smoking adolescent. Which come to think of it, makes me think of drinking water. So touche, Evian, touche.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at Target.  I’m at Target a lot, a lot more than is probably healthy, but it’s close to my house and I can’t help myself.  Anyhoo, for some reason I had never bought the Munchkinette any infant’s Tylenol. Which makes me fairly lame, because it really is sort of a basic that you should always have on hand.   Well, the thought crossed my mind and I casually tossed the box into my cart.

Fast forward to one day later, and the news is all abuzz with the children’s Tylenol recall, and how some of the medicine may contain too much active ingredient, some may have not enough active ingredient, and I quote from the recall site, some may contain “tiny particles.”

WTF?

They never elaborate on what TYPE of tiny particles may be floating around in the medicine, so my mind is left to wander, which is always a bad thing.  Are there tiny particles of glass? Of plants? Of fecal material?  Hey, if Tylenol chooses to be deliberately non-specific, then they deserve whatever my fevered brain can imagine.  And a mom’s brain can go lots of weird places, I assure you.

Then I check the number on the box against the one on the website, and sure enough, I’ve got a tainted box o’ poison.

The next time I visit Target, which is fairly alarmingly soon after this, I try and see if there are any infant drops with acetaminophen. No dice.  The shelves are completely bare of Tylenol and any other type of off-brand that may have been previously lurking.

Fine, whatever.  I’ve gone this far without it. I’ll be fine, I thought.

Well, the Fates must have been extremely bored during that nanosecond, because what happens two days later? Yup, my daughter has a fever and there isn’t a store within a ten mile radius that has infant acetaminophen drops.  So my husband and I spend the night trading off getting up with her every three hours because that is the longest she can sleep because she is uncomfortable.  Yeah, and the lukewarm baths that are recommended to lower the fever?  Those don’t do anything except really piss the kid off.   Because who the hell likes lukewarm baths?

So thanks, Tylenol. Thanks for totally ruining my week.

I hope you and your tiny particles are happy.

I wonder who the first person was that thought it was a fantastic idea to take disposable diapers, stack them like layers of a wedding cake, and put flowers on them.   Oh, and then charge a small fortune for them on top of it.

Here you are, having your perfectly nice baby shower, when someone waltzes in with one of these creations. I’m sure they look nice, but then what? Obviously, you can’t eat them. “Diaper” just isn’t ever going to be a viable cake flavor.  Then, I’m sure the thing is a pain the the ass to take apart, because the whole concept just isn’t natural and can only be achieved by what must be quite a bit of tape.  So to get to your perfectly useful diapers, you’ve got to unwind the ribbon and take off all the flowers, which sounds like a very un-fun way to spend the time.

I’ll just take a regular pack of diapers, please.  No need to even gift-wrap them.

Oh, and a real piece of cake.

When I first began blogging here at Teeny Manolo, I vowed that no child would Google their name and find that I said mean things about them.  I have remained true to that vow, with the glaring exceptions of Miley Cyrus and her younger sister Noah.

I don’t know what it is about them that makes me unable to keep my mouth shut.  Perhaps because Miley is so ubiquitous and Noah is trying so hard to be.  Possibly it is because I was never a big fan of her Dad.  Whatever the reason, my willpower isn’t strong enough to withstand them, and for that, I am sorry.

But I cannot be sorry for saying I hate this video.  I understand that Miley is trying to get out from under the squeaky clean Disney banner and declare herself a badass.   She is seventeen and writhing around on the grass with a heaving bosom and doing the sexytime dance with her backups, blabbity blah blah blah.

However, Disney, no matter how much she may dislike them now, were the ones who made her a household name.  Without them, she would be just another offspring of a washed-up country music “star.”  And hasn’t this whole I’m-a-big-girl-now page been taken from the book before?  Oh yeah, right, it has.

Teens are all about rebellion and such, but somehow, I wish Miley could have really empowered herself and rewritten the story line.

The man who jokingly tried to sell his kids on craigslist found a fairly unforgiving crowd here at Teeny Manolo.  With a majority of thirty-eight percent of the vote, you said that the police charging him with a crime was a bit much, but that he should never expect a comedy gig because trying to sell your kids for chuckles just isn’t cool.  Fifteen percent were fine with whatever punishment was meted out to him, and thirty percent thought the entire incident was just a big ol’ waste of time.

Now, it’s been all over the news that Santa Clara County in California is looking to pass a ban on McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys.  Not the Happy Meals themselves, just the toys, which they feel are contributing to childhood obesity by marketing the fatty meals to the most vulnerable of our society.

I love me some OPI, and I was at a store looking for some polish for my toesies when my eyes fell upon this display of new nail colors from OPI based on the Shrek motion pictures. 

I’m not sure when it became a good idea to make nail colors based on children’s movies, but I will say that the greens in this collection are truly hideous.  I was discussing them with the salesgirl and she said they reminded her of boogers.  Personally, they remind me of a fungus.

Yeah, there might be some ten year old who thinks it’s a good idea, but I’m not sure anyone else will.

A distant acquaintance of mine was recently waxing rhapsodic about a baby item she felt she could not do without. She was talking about her baby wipe warmer.

Say what?

I cannot think of a piece of baby gear that is more superfluous, and yes, wasteful, than the electric baby wipe warmer. I think it is a common misconception for new mothers to want “the best” for their babies, and by god, no nasty room temperature wipe is going to touch their precious kids’ bottoms! Not if they have anything to say about it!  And boy, has the Baby Industrial Complex stepped up to deliver anything and everything a mom might want, regardless of whether she actually needs it.

I often wonder how the pioneers crossing the continent would have felt about this particular motherly concern. Oh yeah, right, they didn’t even HAVE anything like baby wipes for their children, and I think they would have probably smacked us modern mothers upside the head at some of the things we worry about. I can see it now, “Tobias, we absolutely cannot cross over those mountains unless you can guarantee me I’ve got a way to warm up little Mildred’s burlap squares*!”  Not to say there aren’t some very nifty things, but a wipe warmer isn’t one of them. 

People say, but oh, my baby screams like a banshee when I wipe her bottom with a cold wipe! Newsflash! Many newborns scream like a banshee at many, many things, and being naked and exposed will do that to a person, especially one who just spent the last nine months all cozy-like curled up in the womb. Chances are it has little to do with the wipe.  The time frame for this type of response is actually very short, and not worth spending the money on a wipe warmer.  And if you have an older child that still does that, just tell them they need to suck it up.

HOWEVER, because I am nothing if not compassionate,  if you are worried that your little snookum’s poopy bum will be unable to cope with a wipe that doesn’t feel like an electric blanket, I have an eco-conscious and energy saving tip.

Use your hands to hold the wipe and/or wipes as you undress your child.  By the time you are ready to get down to business, voila!  You have gotten the wipes to a nice non booty-offending temperature.  And best of all, it cost you absolutely nothing!

*Not that I have any knowledge of what they used for wipes in the pioneer days.  It could have been old pieces of clothing, or leaves for all I know.

Yes, the “Young Explorer” from Little Tykes can make your child’s dream of working in a dreary corporate setting a reality!  Oh sure, it comes with a built-in computer and some software, but methinks that for $2500, they could have at least made it a corner office.

(via The Consumerist)