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Parenting in an Economic Downturn Recession Collapse

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So with the current economic forecast turning a bit southwards, at least for a bit, how to explain to the kiddos that the salad days of yesteryear may be turning into the boiled cabbage years of tomorrow?

Never fear, I’ve got some tips.

1. When your child whines about not being able to buy the latest incarnation of the iPhone, threaten to get the old telegraph out of the attic.  Assure them that the information transfer is practically as fast.  And yes, they can text in Morse Code.

2.  Learn the 1,001 ways to make a meal out of ground beef and/or ground turkey.

3.  Garage sales and flea markets are great family fun! Especially when you’re the one making the profit!

4. When holes appear in their jeans (and holes are no longer fashionable) tell them chirpily, “Patches are the new black!”

5.  Have your kids set up a lemonade stand with wildly inflated prices. Because no one can resist the lure of cute kids selling lemonade. And hey, every little bit counts.

6.  Don’t call them “hand me downs.” They are vintage.

7. Enhance your children’s math and reading skills at the same time by having them look for and cut out coupons and then calculate the savings.  The family that saves together stays together!

8.  Invest in some cardboard boxes.  Everyone knows that kids would much rather play in the boxes than with the actual toy.  So why not just cut out the middle man?

9.  If your child is so inclined, encourage them to learn a trade.  Because not everyone needs a stockbroker, but everybody needs a plumber!

10.  With the collapse of the United States financial system, it might be a good idea to enroll your child in foreign language classes.  Chinese, perhaps?

Forget the Marlboro Man, it’s the Marlboro Mom!

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If only Mom would smoke that cigarette, she wouldn’t be such a grouch!

And yes, even Baby notices those deep, satisfying drags!

 

Ads from the 50′s, as seen here

Back to School Links

Zoolander!

Alas, poor raincoaster; you knew her well. But the fact is, she’s not the same this week. It’s true. I’ve crossed the line. I’ve become one of The Others. You know, THOSE PEOPLE.

The employed.

I have, in fact, become employed by two different companies this week, which wouldn’t normally be such a killer except I’m so, so very used to nothing more than sitting in my pj’s in one chair all day, moving only periodically to let the pizza boy in so I don’t starve.

If you order twelve you get two free and then you’re set for another 14 days!

Anywhateverkins, one of these jobs involves raincoaster being A) presentable in the morning B) awake in the morning and C) on her feet from the morning all the way to early evening.

And this does not take me to my happy place.

Mind you, there are good things to be said about the job: it’s a marvelous opportunity to look at what other people are wearing and make up snarky captions in one’s head all day; it’s a good opportunity to meet lots of men, as the pizza boy just does NOT seem to be responding; and it’s great to see that, indeed, the world is NOT ready for the return of stirrup pants.

But, truth be told I am absolutely wrung out, and it’s only my second day. I have a few choice words for the person who invented this “working for a living” thing. Fortunately, I work right outside a spa and the first thing I did was enquire about some hawt pedicure and massage action; I’m gonna need it.

Giuseppe Zanotti - I76088 (Black/Red) - Footwear

Tomorrow I buy a new pair of flats (yay, flats are not only in, but on sale!) and those spongy insoles that say nobody is going to be drinking champagne out of my MaryJanes anydamnways, so what the hell. At least I’ll be comfortable. So my posts are going to be going up at wonky times for the next week until I get used to this, and they may be even more demented than usual! You’ve been warned!

Fortunately, while I’m occupied in productive sessions with either salaried labour or the epsom salt footbaths, the Internets have provided for your amusement the following roundup of the bizarre and parental, so click onward and enjoy!

The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator (PolitTskTskTsk)

Kate Moss’ daughter is a rock off the old block. CHIP! I meant chip! (DListed)

Trump’s tips for raising tip top tots and kickass kids! (CeleBitchy)

Housework blogger wanted (5MinutesForMom)

Cute OVERLOAAAAAD!!!!! (CelebrityBabySmack)

There’s a dirty pun to be made here, but I’m not the one to do it (GoGetYourJacket)

Dance Party Workout (ParentHacks)

Talk Like a Pirate Day is Saturday! (Limeshot)

Monday Teeny Poll

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Last week, I asked you what your ideal “life” situation would be. Sixty-four percent said they would most like to work part time and be home most of the time. I heartily agree. It is interesting to note that only sixteen percent felt that working full time was perfect. Sarah Palin must have been one of that sixteen percent…

So this week, I want to continue on the path so kindly begun by raincoaster with Friday’s Caption Contest. It’s about babies! Magazines! And celebrities! Because with all the heavy political talk all around us, sometimes it’s nice to just surrender yourself to the vapid. Notice though, that I said sometimes.

Google Loves Me, Google Loves Me Not

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Throughout history, mothers have dealt with all sorts of challenges. From the Stone Age mom worrying about the best animal skin in which to wrap her baby, to the pioneer woman concerned about the safety of that covered wagon, each generation of mothers has had their cross to bear.

For my generation, it’s the internet.

It used to be that knowledge about raising children and families was passed down from mother to daughter in a fairly unbroken chain. If Great-great-grandma had said that whiskey was just the ticket for easing teething pain, the Great-great granddaughters simply applied whisky and that was most likely the end of the discussion. 

But thanks to the internet, it is now possible to Google “teething pain” and come up with (I’m not making this number up) 212,000 results. Not only is that an impossible amount of information to physically read, we have to sift through the pseudo-health sites, the ones that are simply advertising something, and ones from people who may have no idea what they are actually talking about. And how exactly would we know that?

We don’t. And that is the scary part.

And just try Googling an illness. That has got to be the absolute worst. The family emergency I alluded to yesterday was the fact that the Munchkin was diagnosed with a MRSA (drug-resistant) staph infection. My heart practically leaped out of my chest when the doctor told me, and even though he acted rather nonchalant about the entire thing, all I could think about were the horror stories that I read right here on the internet about MRSA.

So I came home and couldn’t resist Googling it. I mean, how could I not? I wanted to be informed, dammit.

Bad, bad, move.

Based on information from both the CDC and the Mayo Clinic websites, both respected sources of health information, either the Munchkin would be just fine or he could possibly die. There didn’t seem to be much ground in between those two. So the night was spent by me crying and wailing and hitting myself over the head that I hadn’t taken him in sooner, as soon as the symptoms had begun. That I had given that horrible bacteria an extra day in which to course unchecked through his blood.

My friends, it was so not pretty.

But it turns out that the Munchkin had acquired what is called CA-MRSA, which is “community-acquired” MRSA. Which didn’t really make me feel all that great, but it tends to be less harmful than HA-MRSA, or “hospital-acquired” MRSA. And now, thanks to the internet, I’m pretty sure I know more about MRSA than 98% of the general population. I totally have a brown belt in MRSA knowledge.

The Munchkin is much better now, thanks to the strong antibiotics that were prescribed to him.

So I’m good for now as well, until the next medical illness that befalls him and that I will be unable to stop myself from Googling.

Oh internets, we’ve truly got a tortured relationship, don’t we?

Get Clean and Be Green!

The following blog post is brought to you by Dr Boli. And before you chuckle, realize that there is a posh salon in my city that charges women $10 extra to sit outside with wet hair and one of those ridiculous facial tanning reflectors; they call it a “solar dry.”

xeromatic clothes dryer

Mousewitz strikes again!

Peter Pan arrested. NOT FOR WHAT YOU THINK!

Mousewitz/Duckau, the Magic Kingdom, is not so magical if you’re a protesting labour activist trying to protect your health insurance.

Service workers in their hotels, 2,300 of them, have been without a contract since February…32 Snow Whites and winged fairies were HAULED OFF to the pokey. And then the witch who works for Disneyland told the AP that “workers have protested 14 times but sat down to negotiate only 11 times in the past six months.”

Tink and Minnie en route to the Tank

Then again, Maleficent was magical, too.

Snow White drifted

The Good Old Days

Ah, the good old days. Like the Seventies. They weren’t ALWAYS so good, folks.

Love's Baby Soft ad

You’ve come a long way, baby.

from DearJaneSample via Gawker

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