In an increasingly wired world, connectivity is critical to success. And everyone likes to see their baby succeed, don’t they? So there’s nothing like the head start on digital mastery provided by this, the world’s least-attractive waistline accessory: The Kickbee.

The Kickbee is a wearable device made of a stretchable band and embedded electronics and sensors. Piezo sensors are attached directly to the band, and transmit small but detectable voltages when triggered by movement underneath. An Arduino Mini microcontroller transmits the signals to an accompanying Java application wirelessly via Bluetooth. (a SparkFun BlueSMIRF v2 module that communicates serially with a Macbook Pro.) The band and electronics are covered in a soft fleece cover for comfort. Note: the final version presented at the ITP Winter Show 2008 used XBee radios for better stability and to prevent interference from the hundreds of bluetooth cell phones in the vicinity.

You don’t say. And what does this mean, besides the obvious fact that you’ll have the visual equivalent of a strap of whale blubber wrapped around your baby bulge? It means that your baby’s kicks and punches are automatically sent to his/her own Twitter account, instantly updating the Digerati on the state of the future Tae Bo champ.

Knowing as we do the ways of competitive parents everywhere, we await the first hair-pulling catfight at Lamaze class over whose fetus isn’t Following back.

Listen, I don’t care anymore. You can scream it in three-inch high headlines. You can charge me only $2.99. I don’t care.

There might have been a time when I was sort of interested in which celebrity was pregnant, or could be. It was a way to pass the time, looking at pictures of them to see if that was just a bit of bloat, or a baby bump.

But now?

I’ve got bigger concerns to worry about. You know, maybe even some little things like the tanking economy and job losses everywhere and the fact that in my state, we aren’t even going to get our state tax refunds!

It seems like over the past three years every star that you can think of, from A to D-listers, has been able to conceive and deliver a baby. You know what, big freaking deal! I’ve done it too! Where is my exclusive spread in People?

Then I have the sneaking feeling that many celebrities use the pregnancy rumors to keep the publicity mill running. Speculation about a pregnancy is a surefire way to get yourself on the cover of something.

I don’t even know these people, so why exactly should I care? It’s not like I’m going to be invited to the baby shower or anything. Or you know, like even see the child in person during my entire lifetime.

So while some may find the obsessing over celebrity tummies a welcome distraction from their woes, I’m done. Finished. Finito.

I hereby declare that I will no longer worry so much about potential celebrity pregnancies and perhaps spend a bit more time reading about the proposed stimulus package.

What about you?

P.S. Jessica Simpson is NOT fat! She is just displaying the tragic effects that high-waisted jeans work on a girl who doesn’t have the hips of a 14 year old boy. And maybe some bad lighting. And maybe some unflattering makeup. And an expensive designer Fendi, but further waist-shortenifying, belt.

P.P.S. Jennifer Aniston, I’ve never been into her for me to be over her.

Many of us are in the doldrums of winter, but I’ve got some of the newest spring shoes for girls ranging from dressy to casual that are sure to brighten your day. This season it’s all about floral details, metallic finishes, and even some bling.

And remember, spring isn’t really all that far away!

Lelli Kelly Kids – Primula Dolly Stretch (Toddler/Youth) (Pink Multi) – Footwear So cute! So very floral! This is actually one of the least exuberant of her designs for this spring.

Primigi Kids – Jessenia (Toddler) I really like the flowers on this one, as well as the delicate metallic bands which add visual interest.

Naturino – Nat. 7779 (Infant/Toddler) The color combinations this shoe comes in are superfantastic, and this sunny yellow is my favorite.

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Pampili – 39.122 (Toddler/Youth) I hate to see large, clunky shoes on young girls, and these strappy, delicate dress shoes are the perfect antidote.

Vincent – Blomma (Toddler/Youth) These well-priced, gorgeous rain boots remind me of a Japanese painting.

Primigi Kids – Blair-E (Toddler/Youth) A very cute take on the traditional mary jane, with patent leather and pretty floral details along the hook and loop closure.

Primigi Kids – Firas (Toddler)I’m always on the lookout for fun and unusual colors for girls’ shoes to balance out all the pink and white, and these vibrant orange ones fit the bill nicely.

Pampili – 188.001 (Infant/Toddler) Comes in a variety of colors, this pretty, whimsical shoe has details ranging from ruffles to a bit of sparkle.

KORS Michael Kors Kids – Miss Betti (Youth) Satisfy her wish for some bling with these sandals with crystal emellishments and metallic finish.

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Petit – 30626 (Toddler/Youth) Just a gorgeous shoe, accented with a jeweled flower centerpiece.

It’s not the first time, and it certainly won’t be the last, that I steal a headline from Michael K at DListed. How could I not, with that line?

Taiwan is home to an unusual maternity hospital; one entirely decked out in Hello Kitty accoutrements (can you ever have enough?). Is this, as ITN suggests in the following video, just “a sneaky way of making the father suffer through pain and nausea during childbirth,” or is it as the marketers would have us believe, a way of relaxing mothers and ensuring that they and their baby feel safe and loved during the birthing experience?

Tsai said, “I wish everyone who comes here – mothers suffer while giving birth, and children suffer with their sickness – to receive medical care while seeing this Kitty, it brings a smile to their faces, helps them forget about discomfort and recover faster.”

Or is it just an appallingly tacky money grab?

What say you? If you’d decided to give birth in a hospital, would you pick Hello Kitty Hospital or Barbie Dream Ob/Gyn Clinic over Yourville General?

These are a few of my favorite shoes for girls, although I have to admit, it gets a lot harder to find nice shoes for them once they are out of the toddler years. I have some here for you, because I am just that awesome. I’ve got all price ranges, from some very cute shoes for under thirty, to quite pricey at over one hundred.

De Osu Kids – K-1032

De Osu Kids – K-1207

Gabriella Rocha – Laiken

Mootsies Tootsies Kids – Peaches

Stride Rite – Valerie MJ

Simonetta Kids – Isa Matelasse Ballerina

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Petit – 45124

And, my all time favorite:

De Osu Kids – K-1021

Well, I had an interesting weekend, how about you?

Last week I wanted to know if you are ready for the looming holidays. A heartening 33% said to bring it on, and I’m glad to know many of you are not tempted to crawl beneath the covers. However, the next-highest vote-getter was “send help or a strong drink, or maybe both” so maybe things aren’t as great as I think they are. I myself am feeling pretty optimistic this year.

This week I’m going to ask about childbirth. If it was a perfect world, and money and insurance were not issues, how would you have delivered your baby? Or how would you prefer to if you haven’t had one yet? I mean, we can dream, can’t we?

On a related note, the lovely Never teh Bride has alerted us to the plight of The North Shore Birthing Center, which is in danger of being shut down. I feel women need to have as many choices and options as possible for such an important event in our lives, so go here to find out more and how you can help.

Martha Stewart is my favorite felon. Not only did the woman come second in the highly competitive cell decorating contest at Camp Cupcake, but she never lets anything phase her, whether it’s hard-line questioning from District Attorneys, gooey come-ons from Conan O’Brian, or mere questions of taste.

See for yourself! Here is a snippet of Martha’s show from October a couple of years ago preparing for Thanksgiving (either she really thinks ahead or she was pandering to the Canadian viewers in hopes of obtaining long-denied permission to enter the country). Note that her mouth-watering food-themed centerpieces were fashioned from the finest fabrics, hypoallergenic stuffing material, and fresh, innocent babies.

from the Hater:

I don’t know why this video is so creepy. Well, actually, I know exactly why this video is so creepy: it features overhead shot after overhead shot of a table full of babies dressed like over-sized food products, their chubby arms and legs squirming beneath the giant foodstuffs that have become their prisons.

I suppose there are worse fates.

by Gina Glover in the Guardian