I knew I was in trouble as early as my shower.  Well, maybe I subconsciously knew it once my doctor told me the results of the ultrasound, but it didn’t really hit me until I began opening my gifts.

Item after item of clothing was unwrapped, only to reveal that it was- pink! Surprise! Or not…  If  said item was not totally pink, then it was comprised mainly of pink. Oh sure, there was some token purple, and perhaps a dash of brown thrown in. But overall the theme was definitely one of uber-pinkness. Even my freaking diaper pail has pink accents.

As someone who has been used to the utter lack of pink for seven years, it’s quite a shock.

I’m already tired of the color pink, and it hasn’t even been a month. It doesn’t help that my daughter doesn’t look particularly good in the color pink, unless it is a very deep pink. Her coloring lends itself more to deeper, brighter colors and pastels just make her look washed out. Is it sad that I am already noticing what colors look good on her? How superficial of me!

I haven’t yet been shopping for girl clothes, I’ve been dependent so far on whatever people bought me. The exception was for some warm pajamas that were on sale at Target for eight bucks (score!), so I don’t know if the epidemic of pink is due solely to the people who attended my shower, or if I am completely out of luck.

I have a feeling that at some point the color pink and I are going to have to make some sort of peace, but I’m not quite ready yet.

This actually came out a week or two ago, and I missed it because I was doing something impractical, like giving birth or something.

Anyhoo, I’d heard a lot of buzz about the collection, and decided to take a look for myself.

All right, I am seriously digging the Sgt. Pepper jacket.  I don’t know that I would actually buy it, but I am digging it nonetheless.

Not so enthralled with the leopard-screened sweater dress. 

The color palette you see in these photos is pretty indicative of the entire collection. Soft, soft, colors and soft, soft fabrics, including cashmere. 

All in all, there are very reasonably priced articles of clothing that I would certainly purchase for myself, and some great showstoppers, such as the Sgt. Pepper jacket and a fabulous trench coat that many adults would spring for if it came in their size.

Oh what a cutie!

But I must admit my utter shock that with her father being the billionaire CEO of PPR, Valentina is wearing Crocs.

The thing very few people know is (and here I am letting you in on a secret that not even the Bilderbergers suspect) is that the first few generations of video games, the ones that came out in the Eighties most particularly, emitted stronger EMFs than the comparatively less-dangerous games we play now. What does this mean? It means that geeks that were forged in the hot fires of Nintendo radiation remain true. They are the few, the proud, the bearers of anime tattoos based on obscure Japanese myth cycles, retold as graphic novels based on computer games. Not that I’ve dated any.

Oh, perish the thought.

Yes, geeks that had their spiritual birth in that magic time, bathed in the warm glow of the vintage, extra-radiatory cathode ray tube, imprinted for life on those characters and those experiences, and they will NEVER forsake them.

Proof:

There is a T-shirt that is causing practically every parent in the United States to go into paroxysms of outrage.

I present the Twisted Twee Tassel Tee:

You would be correct if you thought those were the type of tassels that most commonly dangle from the chesticles of burlesque performers.

In an interview with ParentDish,  UK-based designer Suzi Warren defended her creation thusly:

“There is nothing very sexy about a baggy, lap neck, long sleeved t- shirt for a 6-month-old. So by embellishing this style of garment with printed nipple tassels, the result is not that the baby becomes sexualized by the tassels, but that the tassels are made benign and silly by the baby. In fact the more inert, innocent and unaware the infant is, the more ludicrous the contrast becomes.”

Call me uptight, but somehow, I’m failing to see the irony.

What I do see is someone who seems perfectly willing to part fools with their dollars.

I know, I know. Because the children’s clothing company Underten is French, I am supposed to fall in love with how wonderfully sophisticated their stuff is, and go on and on about elan or other such things.

And often, that would be true.

But this tee shirt for babies? It is so many kinds of wrong.

Kids today already have a complete underappreciation for the fabulousness that was is Kermit the Frog. He is no longer part of Sesame Street (damn you Elmo!) and you can only catch Kermit’s gentle, philosophizing ways on DVD.

So, why are the French on a campaign to have Kermit scare the bejesus out of unknowing tots? Because Kermit looks completely deranged and like he is ready to bite you. Kermit would never bite you. He would put his skinny green arm around you and discuss the works of Diogenes, but bite? He would sooner have Animal play his head like a drum than bite someone. It just wasn’t his style.

Underten has also changed him from his beloved green to red. We all know that red is the color of anger, and Kermit rarely got mad. Maybe sometimes he didn’t like being green so much, but I don’t think he would have chosen red, either. Thanks, Underten, for making this unflattering choice without his input.

I understand that the ferocious, broken-toothed smile on various icons is a trademark design from Underten.  But if you malign Kermit, you have gone too far.

Free Kermit!

Oh yes she did.