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Beethoven: For James

God, I hope his name was James. He bought me lunch, you’d think I could make a point of remembering. At this point in Blogathon, however, 20 hours in, I’m lucky if I can remember how to use the alphabet.

In any case, James, while appreciating a good snark and laugh as much as the next man, specifically requested that I post something genuinely moving tonight, and as I was sifting through my Tumblr for blog fodder, I found this video, and played it.

And I started to cry.

So here, James. This aught to do it even if you HAVEN’T stayed up all night. Behold one of the living natural treasures of the West Coast, Shane Koyczan, performing his spoken word poetry on Beethoven.

This is a Blogathon post. Don’t just sit there, SPONSOR ME!

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Friday Caption Contest: Lady Kermit Edition

Oooooooooh, Miss Piggy’s gonna cut her!

Lady Gaga It Ain't Easy Being Green

By my calculations, if a Kermit doll is $70, which it is, this may be one of the most expensive outfits she’s ever worn. Forever 21 just isn’t that pricey.

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Alice in Burtonland

The Famille Burton Bonham-Carter

Tim Burton has to be the ultimate Cool Dad. Sure, he doesn’t play football, but you know when you get Guitar Hero for your birthday he’s the one calling his buddies to come and play with you, and they turn out to be, like, Eddie Van Halen and Brian Eno and some cool zombie dude called Keef or something. And when it’s Halloween, you already have all the costumes, right there in your day-to-day wardrobe.

Now let’s walk straight up to that demented wardrobe, the one that probably has Narnia hidden at the back, and go right through the mirror on the front to see what Burton’s cooked up for his “Alice returns to her roots” nightmare of twisted beauty. Definitely not Disney.

Alice is in her cups

Alice is in her cups

We're not in Kansas anymore. Nor Derbyshire either

We're not in Kansas anymore. Nor Derbyshire either

But never mind that, look what they’ve done to everyone’s favorite celebrity dad:

Johnny Depp IS mad as a hatter

Johnny Depp IS mad as a hatter

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The Alphabet of Awesomeness

D is for... Doctor Who Defeating Doctor Doom in a Deadly Disco Dance-off

A pox upon anyone who would describe this magnificent achievement by artist Neill Cameron as anything other than ABSOLUTELY AWESOME or possibly AWESOMESAUCE or AWESOMENOSITYITS RICKINSELF: an alphagory of awesomeness. It is quite simply manifestly the most magnificent mashup of the millennium.

And look, he takes requests: Facebook, Twitter, or on his blog. Alas, too late for Cthulhu crunking for Cher.
via Neatorama.

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A Kid After My Own Heart

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This question posed on Yahoo! Questions inspires a bit of hope for the next generation:

This happened a lot and my locker got to overflowing with the banned books, so I decided to put the unoccupied locker next to me to a good use. I now have 62 books in that locker, about half of what was on the list. I took care only to bring the books with literary quality. Some of these books are:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
His Dark Materials trilogy
Sabriel
The Canterbury Tales
Candide
The Divine Comedy
Paradise Lost
The Godfather
Mort
Interview with the Vampire
The Hunger Games
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
Animal Farm
The Witches
Shade’s Children
The Evolution of Man
the Holy Qu’ran
… and lots more.

Anyway, I now operate a little mini-library that no one has access to but myself. Practically a real library, because I keep an inventory log and give people due dates and everything. I would be in so much trouble if I got caught, but I think it’s the right thing to do because before I started, almost no kid at school but myself took an active interest in reading! Now not only are all the kids reading the banned books, but go out of their way to read anything they can get their hands on. So I’m doing a good thing, right? Oh, and since you’re probably wondering “Why can’t you just go to a local library and check out the books?” most of the kids are too chicken or their parents won’t let them but the books. I think that people should have open minds. Most of the books were banned because they contained information that opposed Catholicism. I limit my ‘library’ to only the sophmores, juniors and seniors just in case so you can’t say I’m exposing young people to materiel they’re not mature enough for. But is what I’m doing wrong because parents and teachers don’t know about it and might not like it, or is it a good thing because I am starting appreciation of the classics and truly good novels (Not just fad novels like Twilight) in my generation?

The Underground Library! Glinda likes!

via Boing Boing

Complete Shirt

We’re getting awfully shirty around here lately, and can you blame us, with some of the monstrosities out there? In the spirit of Glinda’s recent posts on dreadful pregnancy tees and haircuts that would work better on tattooed hipsters than innocent children, we bring you these children’s shirts of appalling, nauseating, toe-curling, diabetes-inducing sweetness.

Seriously, they make Cornify look like Nine Inch Nails.

Let us examine only the unicorn offerings; just as with those infamous haircuts, these would be far better on a grown post-punk bassist than on some poor child, whose innate cuteness could never be a match for these masterworks, ripped (apparently) from the sides of the vans of the gayest men who ever discoed their way through the Seventies. And printed on texture-printed cotton tees.

Rainbow Unicorn

Feast your eyes on the magnificence of the Mountain Rainbow Unicorn Tee!

Secret unicorn tee

The Secret Unicorn Tee (not so secret when you wear that around the schoolyard, eh? This really shouldn’t be worn by anyone less butch than Steve Irwin)

Sunlit Unicorn Tee
You can almost hear the Jethro Tull when you pull the inspiring Sunlit Unicorn Tee over some poor little kid’s head. He’ll be the envy of your old D&D buddies for sure!

Kingdom of the Unicorns
Welcome to the Kingdom of the Unicorns! Say hi to Aslan for me!

Mystical Unicorn
I have a sneaking suspicion the Mystical Unicorn is really just some ordinary horse with a fountain behind him. Those photographers are a tricksy bunch!

Majestic unicorn
and, for the teen who hasn’t yet gotten parental permission to get the unicorn of her choice inked into her left shoulder, right hip, or inside ankle, there’s the Majestic Unicorn tank, which I would really much rather see on Madonna with her veins popping out, or perhaps Joan Collins, with leather pants and killer heels. Because why not? She’s Joan Collins; like anyone’s going to say boo to her!

The way they look is the bad news; the good news is, they’re on sale at less than half price, anywhere from $8-$16, and come up to size 16, which most hipsters can fit into, since they only consume calories in the form of espresso and microbrewed beer anyway. So if you have to suddenly outfit your local ageing Hollywood legend, or They Might Be Giants suddenly turns up half-naked in your yard, you’ve got it covered.

Sunday Caption Contest Results: Bad Hair Barbie Edition

Who’s the best Barbie interpreter of the week?

Bad Hair Day Barbie

Leo Says:

Barbie knew she shouldn’t go out with a guy named Van de Graff.

As always, real congratulations and imaginary swag to the illustrious winner. This week we are presenting Leo with this, the very dapper (and hat-hair-hiding)Stetson Retro Panama.

Stetson retro panama hat

Way Cooler Than I Ever Was

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Meet three young teen girls from Brooklyn who can kick your ass.

They make up the punk band “Care Bears on Fire” which already totally endears them to me, as I have always loathed Care Bears. Admit it, they are not cute in any way.

They’ve just shot a new video for their single “Everybody Else.” Check it.

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