Oh, to be a student in Scotland today! If only we’d had options like these when I grew up…we’d have been spared the Fascist (come to think of it) Glaswegian who tapdanced when he forgot what he was trying to say, which he did quite often, and sent you to the Principal’s office if you cracked a smile. And the hulking, unspecifically Eastern European mass of my Grade One teacher who couldn’t pronounce most of the words she was supposed to be teaching us and just let us sound them out using the rules in the textbook, which is how I ended up stuck with the word “izzle/isle” in my vocabulary for far too many painfully embarrassing years.

In Scotland, as of now, teachers can be fired for incompetence.

The headline on the BBC reads:

Teacher ‘guilty of incompetency’

Kinda a shame the same fate doesn’t seem to apply to news site editors, though. “Incompetency?“

You find the most interesting things on the Internet. Surely everyone has experienced inexplicable sock loss at some point in their lives. Indeed, from the ages of 4-6, I myself had a sneaking suspicion that a tiny gremlin with a footwear fetish lived in our dryer.

Which he may well have done. It was an odd household.

But here, by way of Stephen Fry’s Twitter stream, comes a scientific study of the lost sock phenomenon:

Odd socks: a combinatoric example of Murphy’s Law

(Mathematics Today March-April 1996 39-41)

Abstract: We use combinatorics to examine the notorious ubiquity of unmatched – “odd” – socks. Using a random-loss model we show that (a) the disappearance of socks is indeed heavily biased towards the accumulation of odd socks; (b) random loss of just half the socks typically cuts the number of complete pairs left by 75 per cent; (c) the problem of finding matching pairs remains formidable, even after removal of all the odd socks. We suggest a remedy based on two varieties of socks.

Indeed, this is a coping strategy I’ve adopted spontaneously in response to a world which insists on sock monogamy: I have two kinds of socks, Good Socks and Tube Socks. Since all the Good Socks are black and all the Tube Socks are white, even if I lose one I hardly notice.

Oh. Joy.

Now every four-year-old girl’s dream can come true: she and her poor, brow-beaten Mommy can dress just like that icon of chic and sophistication, that lady of a certain age, Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Yes, it’s Barbie’s 50th birthday and to celebrate, like many another rich woman at midlife, she’s decided to turn designer, although with what the harsher among us might judge to be perhaps less success than, say, Carolina Herrera.

From the Guardian (and one can hardly wait to hear what their resident fashion harpy thinks of the collection):

The 50th birthday of Barbie, the iconic fashion doll, is to be celebrated next year with the launch of a designer clothing brand for humans, complete with a cosmetics range and a catwalk show at New York fashion week…

Wang is creating a wedding gown for the special birthday collection – one version for real women and a mini-version for Barbie – while Scott has designed a high-end capsule wardrobe.

I don’t know about you, but if I woke up and found I had a wardrobe comparable to Barbie’s, I’d need a few capsules of something, for sure.

Isn’t that sweet? These helpful Boy Scouts are standing by, ready to help women in need of assistance with their breast exams.

Actually, although this is a satirical skit from The Onion, this is pretty much exactly how I remember the Boy Scouts of my acquaintance from back when I was in Girl Guides!

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams
Stolen from CelebrityCosmeticSurgery

A chorus line, that is, of Lebanese babies. What the heck, there are a lot of less wholesome activities those toddlers could be getting into, other than those choreographed high kicks.

Sometimes putting up a windmill and going off-grid doesn’t seem like such a loonbat idea. This would be one of those times.

Unemployed stroke victim Tony Duncan of Hiland Park, Florida has chained himself to his electricity meter to prevent Gulf Power corporation from shutting off the power to his house. Oh, he’s not doing it to preserve his right to enjoy watching tv in air-conditioned comfort; Tony’s 5-year-old daughter Makayla is seriously ill and requires a feeding tube and other medical equipment powered by, you guessed it, electricity.

Since last Thursday, when he first chained himself up, he’s received pledges enough to cover the electricity bill as well as job offers. Nice to know that even Florida comes through sometimes!

While you’re obliviously enjoying a long sleep-in on Sunday morning, this is what your children are watching…at least, if they’re anything like me. Only presumably your children don’t put Bailey’s in their morning coffee.

They take it black.

I’ve had so many technical difficulties I haven’t even been able to get back to this post until now! But it is (long past) time to announce our winner from a week ago. Both suggestions were good, but There Can Be Only One.

Sarah G. Says:
November 9th, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Jimmy found it much harder to pick out his next sibling than he originally thought.

Kudos (whatever they are; surely they don’t mean that vile little sticky candy bar? She deserves better) and imaginary swag to Sarah G, our winner this week. In keeping with our scientific theme, we hypothetically present this ultra-swanky grown-up chemical set from Pampalona, for mixing up concoctions both mysterious and powerful.