If you’ve had a hectic week or so, just looking at these will lower your blood pressure.

 via

Ben Browder needs to win just one more CDF to place himself in the Hall of Fame.  Will it happen?  Or will our next challenger boot him out of nirvana at the last second?

You tell me.

Our next competitor is best known for his stunts, although he claims to be a magician.

Also, I thought you could use a six-pack for the weekend.

VERSUS

As a mother of two who had a HORRIBLE time producing breastmilk despite trying like the dickens, I’m not pleased that there is a group asking all hospitals to forgo giving new mothers free samples of formula.

If I hadn’t had those sample bottles, both of my children would have gone very hungry in those first few weeks.  My son didn’t want to latch on at all (despite the help of a lactation consultant) and my daughter might have been a good latcher, but I’ll never know because I had a hell of a recovery from my C-section.  She did fine in the hospital, but once I got home, I could barely move, much less get in any type of optimal breastfeeding position.

After three months of trying to get my son to breastfeed and pumping, my milk supply, which was never great to begin with, dried up completely.  We now know that it was most likely due to undiagnosed hypothyroidism, but who woulda thunk?  Instead I felt like a huge failure.

For my daughter, I bought into the whole guilty breastfeeding is best thing, and I chose to pump for a full nine months, which was probably a big mistake.  Waking up every three hours at night when all you want is to grab as much sleep as possible probably turned me into a horrible mother.   And even though I was on medication to alleviate the hypothyroid symptoms, I was never what you would call a champion at producing milk.   In fact, the last few months saw me supplementing with both previously frozen milk and formula, despite spending a lot of time being hooked up to the pump.

I think that if you can breastfeed, you are entitled to embrace it as fully as you like.  Go ahead, pop the girls out in public when needed!  I support your right to breastfeed! But I also think that there are circumstances where breastfeeding exclusively is just too much for some women (read: many working moms) and the judgey-McJudgersons should shut it.

We always do a family egg hunt every Easter, and sometimes we go to hunts sponsored by local parks.  This year was one of those years, we were meeting a friend of mine who has a daughter almost the same age as the Munchkinette.

So of course there is a taped off area full of eggs, and for our age group (1-3 years) a bunch of kids who really didn’t know exactly what was going on.  I know mine certainly didn’t.

But the parents sure did.

The parents kept pushing the tape boundaries, inching ever closer to the eggs.  One lady in front of us had extended the tape a good three feet into the “egg area” so that the city workers were forced to move some of the eggs which were now very much in arm’s reach.

That should have given me my first clue as to how this was going to go down.

For our age group, we were instructed to not help our children, and only let them pick up what they themselves could put in their basket.

They might as well have been whispering in a hurricane for all the good that announcement did.

When the air horn went off, I of course allowed my daughter to bend over and pick up an egg, only to have a helicopter parent of another child swoop it into her arms, along with the dozen other eggs she already had.

I loudly exclaimed that only the kids were allowed to pick up eggs, and was treated as if I did not exist.

This woman was definitely not the only person with this mindset, as I saw kids who could barely walk with baskets filled to the brim with eggs.

Mine got four.

WTF, people?

No wonder cities have been cancelling egg hunts.

This stuff is FREE.  There were some kids who got no eggs at all.  Your precious spawn truly does not care about the contents of the stupid eggs, which tend to be things more commonly found at the 99 Cent Store.  Would it kill people to actually follow the rules and have a little humanity?

An early life lesson for my daughter is that the answer is yes, it apparently would.

Only 32% of you agree with Michelle Duggar about world overpopulation, and I’m not about to argue with you.  Not because I agree with you, but because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to change your mind no matter what I said.

Today I want to know what your favorite vegetable is.  Don’t ask me why, I just do.

Hello.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Ben Browder, dark horse that he is, keeps on trucking.  He handily beat bazillionaire Jay-Z, who I think is OK with that, seeing as how he is a bazillionaire and all.

Today I’ve got a half Polish, half Indian actor best known for starring in the almost-cancelled Community.

VERSUS

Care Bears, selling for $1200

Pound Puppy, selling for $5000

Furby, going for $500

Cabbage Patch Kid, yours for $2000

Stretch Armstrong figures (God, who didn’t have at least one of these and beat the crud out of it?)  $17,800

via

Today was not a shining example of my best mothering.  In fact, it might rank amongst my top ten worsts.

Things that went through my mind today:

I now see why people run away to the circus.

Is my neighbor really trying to one-up my thyroid surgery with a self-inflicted gash to the hand while cutting pineapple? Really?

If I leave in the middle of the night, no one will see me.

Yeah, buddy, some days I wish you went to school, too.

How do you survive the day eating ONLY things made out of carbs?

Is division with remainders that complicated?

Can I join you on the floor in your temper tantrum? I bet I could scream louder than you.

But you used to LOVE pears!

I didn’t think anything could be more annoying than banging your head on the floor until you started spitting your food everywhere.

Be careful what you wish for.

Of course you allowed our daughter to touch the soil where the cats in the neighborhood have been pooping.  OF COURSE you couldn’t stop her in time.

Seriously, I KNOW I could cover my tracks well enough that nobdoy could find me.