When my son turned six, I discovered that he had a hearing problem.

It was nothing that needed a doctor’s intervention.  It was just that he discovered the fine art of selective listening.

He is now 8, and it hasn’t really gotten better.  In fact, I’d say it has gotten worse.

Although he never fails to hear any sentence that includes the words “candy” or “dessert.”

What I don’t understand is the thought process behind his almost supernatural ability to not hear what I’m telling him.   Does he think that I will suddenly give up?  That I will get tired of repeating myself and stop ordering him to clean his room because it is just too much trouble?  I suppose it might be worth a shot.

But then I find myself saying the same thing over and over, each time getting louder and louder.

Because we ALL know the thought process on that one, right?

When someone doesn’t understand you, you feel you must talk LOUDER and SLOWER, as if that will suddenly clear everything up.

But for an 8 year old, that still doesn’t work. 

I can’t be the only one out there with this problem, right?

So I’m thinking of investing in a tape recorder, recording my top ten oft-repeated phrases, and then selling it as a CD so that I can help every other mom out there save her vocal cords and her patience.  I’d even have a special one made just for the car.   You would never have to answer the question “Are we there yet?” again.  Let me do it for you! Just keep hitting the repeat button and I’ll be glad to say the response a hundred times if that’s what it takes!

You’re welcome, world.

That will be $13.99.

Plus tax.