September 14, 2010 | Teeny Manolo

Archive for September 14th, 2010

The Nine Circles of Parenting Hell: Circle Eight, The Child Who Cannot Blow Their Own Nose

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
By Glinda

It certainly looks like an instrument of torture, doesn’t it?

In fact when I was a young child, I remember seeing one of those in our bathroom (and mercifully the memories of it having been used upon me blanked out) and thinking that something that looked like that could only be used for nefarious purposes.

It is bad enough to have a baby/young child with a cold.

What makes it ten times worse is that you have to use the bulb to suck out the mucous, and in doing so, the child in question screams bloody murder and is obviously quite certain that you are trying to suck out their brains.

At least that is certainly what my daughter was thinking as I would approach with the bulb, and the terror in her eyes was enough to make your heart melt.  However, the only option other than not suctioning is that they can’t breathe, so the choice is obvious.  Heartless mama that I am, I would have to pin her little arms down else she would try to push my hands away.  I in no way blamed her, and that must make it all the more traumatic that your mother is purposefully putting you in a chinlock and attempting to remove your brains from your head via your nose.

After one such session, which resulted in screams and tears heard ’round the block, I came out of the room and made a feeble joke about our neighbors thinking we are horrible parents.  My husband looked at me and said, “Forget the neighbors, I almost called Child Services on you myself.”

Things I Hate: People Who Are Late

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
By Glinda

I pride myself on being on time to everything.

I swear I can count on two hands the number of times I have been late in my life, and usually it was due to circumstances out of my control such as traffic accidents.

It takes forethought, it takes planning, and it often leaves me with extra time twiddling my thumbs in a parking lot somewhere because I allot for possible traffic and whatnot.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I don’t like to come huffing and puffing into some meeting, mumbling something about the elevator being broken as everyone stares at me.

I don’t like to keep my son’s teachers waiting at parent/teacher conferences because then it pushes back all of the other time slots dependent upon mine being done at a certain time.

I don’t like to stumble around a movie theater in the dark, tripping over someone’s feet and then sitting right in front of someone else who now has the choice of also stumbling around in the dark to find a better seat, or who must remain there, cursing me under their breath.

Others, it seems, don’t seem to care.  And I think that’s what bothers me the most.

In my first years in college, I had a best friend with whom I carpooled to school. I should have known this was a bad idea since she was chronically late to pretty much everything, but I was young and stupid and the idea of chatting happily and listening to the radio together was too strong for me to resist.

It turned out she was ALWAYS late picking me up, no matter how many times I beseeched her to set her alarm clock earlier, or skip part of her makeup routine or whatever the hell it was that made her screech into my driveway ten minutes later than she should have.  

So I was forced to run to class, and be on the receiving end of dirty looks from my professors who had already started their lectures and didn’t appreciate my awkward entrance.

I actually began to resent her for it, and even though it wasn’t the reason we became not-best-friends-anymore, it certainly was something I didn’t miss in my life.  Too much stress for absolutely zero payoff, at least on my end. 

I currently do not have any friends who are habitually late, and I plan on keeping it that way.

Disclaimer: Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Manolo Blahnik
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